Does it sound like a "cop out" when...

by Coffee House Girl 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    One of my really good JW friends (which now means he can no longer be my friend) came into the shop I work in today with two other JW's to buy some guitar strings and things- I could tell he was uncomfortable walking in the shop (he hesitated at the door) and I was on the phone so I couldn't wait on them personally so all I could think of to do is make a smart ass comment about his hair cut.

    They made their purchase & walked out we smiled and waved to each other.

    He obviously did not buy anything and they all know where I work, so he just came in to check me out (not in a flirty way).

    He has always been a bit on the "edge" when it comes to JW practices (watches R rated movies, listens to "bad" music, drinks, and he does text me occasionally to talk about music and un-JW related subjects).

    Should I have tried to reach him with the truth about the truth?

    I ponder this question lately with some of my loved ones so I will ask you all.......

    If I could be reached by talking rationally with me to look further into the religion I was blindly following- should I try reaching someone I care about?

    I read Steve Hassan's book and can study more about how to talk to the real person (not the cult-version)...but ethically, do I have an obligation to help others?

    My friend is a bright young kid who could potentially have a career, love, freedom- but at the same price I paid (that is, loss of family and friends, and shock of learning a new hope for his mom who passed away 2 years ago)

    What have you all done in my shoes????

    Thanks for your insights


  • MrFreeze

    I don't know. You could really alienate them by talking bad about the JW's. Chances are, if you had said something, they may have taken it into account but still not have done anything. If they are doing all that stuff, they aren't serious about being a JW. That's like it is for me. Just got to a point where I didn't care what I watched or did anymore. Put on a false front at the hall and do whatever I want elsewhere.

  • tec

    Yes, I think we all do have an obligation to help others. But what you consider help, might not actually be helping another person. If you tried to bring it up every time you were around him, then I think he would a)start avoiding you, or b) start being around you because he wants out or knows something is wrong. It's a tough call.

    I think I would ask someone honestly, 'If your beliefs were not the truth, would you want to know?'

    "But my beliefs are the truth" is not an answer to your question.

    Anyway, that's just my two cents. I'm thinking of asking my former study teacher this when she comes back to the city. I think I need to be prepared for whatever answer she gives though.


  • AudeSapere

    You could still call/text him to apologize that you were not available to assist him but sure were happy to see him there. Ask if he can meet you for coffee or ice cream so you can catch up and chat a bit.

    Then, when meeting up for coffee, can talk about job prospects and taking classes or working towards a degree.


  • jamiebowers

    Being happy and living a good life as an exjw IS helping jws to see the truth about the "truth". As far as trying to combatmind control and/or giving an anti-witness, it goes on a case by case basis. And you can always be of assistance to new posters here or exiting and ex jws on Face Book, other forums, and You Tube.

  • Slidin Fast
    Slidin Fast

    This may be a hangover from the guilt trip experienced when you let an opportunity for "informal" witnessing go. Talk to anyone anytime but don't feel a moral responsibiliy for their actions and thought processes. The best thing to take away from the JW experience is that love is the only worthwhile motive. How often did you hear that expounded, how little was it practised.


  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    Thanks for all your replies,

    MrFreeze- I also lived the double life for a bit at the end of my downward slide out of the bOrg- my friend and I always talked about movies and music on the DL (we never discussed with anyone else what we saw)

    Tammy- I am interested in knowing how your questioning goes with your friend when she visits, and I am thankful for this site & do try to post my experiences in hopes of helping others with their tough decisions, thank you

    Aude- He did text later last nite to tell me he got smashing pumpkins tickets- I did apologize for not getting to talk more, he said it was nice to see me- that made me feel good, I miss him. He is the only JW that tries to text occasionally to see if I am still alive, I respect that he doesn't try to guilt me into comming back. Now that I am out I just feel sad for him sometimes, he had a nice girlfriend but was pressured by the elders to cool off the relationship until they are both older and regular pioneers (and he is trying to do that...aarrg!). I just wish he wasn't wasting his youth like I wasted mine.

    Jamie- I too always make a point to smile big and act friendly to any JW's I see & try to show them that just because I left doesn't mean I am now a crack whore.

    SL- lol, your right about the guilt induced "informal witness" flashbacks !!! Will I ever get over it????

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I don't know about you all but I feel a WHOLE LOT worse when I can't help someone OUT of the Borg than back when I couldn't get people IN to the Borg. It helps to know that resistance is (almost) futile and that usually it takes a series of events to get people even considering thinking about life outside the cult but still, could something I say or do break one of those links in the JW chain? Yes.

    Your smiling, waving, and texting, Coffee House Girl, is a link in the chain broken or at least weakened. You did just fine.

    Dubs are big on appearances and on the "fruitage of the spirit" so if we can continue to show those traits even when out of the organization then we're giving a witness.

    I have to comment on your job and your username, too. Every time you mention selling some guitar strings or instrument my first thought is why a Coffee House would be selling musical stuff. Because of your name I just assume you work at a coffee house but apparently you work at a music shop. It throws me for a second every time.

  • coffee shop guy
    coffee shop guy

    Mad Sweeney : CHG and I met at a coffee house. We are together now and that's how we got our names. Where she works and why they sell guitar strings is a long story. Goes back to the 70's. She doesn't but the owners do.

    We had a little conversation about her friend who is still in the bOrg. Even I am not sure how to respond to her questions. Like CHG I fear for her being exposed in any way that will cause the inevitable DF'ing. CHG's relationship with her mom and dad are so very important to her. I know in her heart she wants him to be free but knows first hand the cost. I fear the risk of her speaking out.

    I am thankful every time CHG goes home and spends a day with her mom and dad. I've never had the fear that someday that freedom could be removed, by of all things the church.

    Thanks to all of you for being here for us,


  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    Mad- lol, yea I picked Coffee House Girl because visiting the local coffee house talking with "worldly people" is what started to put those "links in the JW chain" & got me to start thinking. I thought it was symbolic of me leaving, and now no jdubs in my old cong will go in the coffee ship- I guess they caught on to the fact that coffee shops are satan's means of getting people to leave the truth.

    And the local coffee shop is where I met and started talking to coffee shop guy (the shop owner). He subsequently chose his name based on mine.

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