The irrelevancy of the JW culture and doctrines in my life. My Advice to the new members.

by onemore 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • onemore

    I’ve been missing meetings and curtailing my FS activities, even avoiding many of my JW friends by declining invitations to do “non-theocratic” activities with them (reverse shunning…take that JWs!!!), and unless I decide to DA (or get DF’d) a complete fade will be very hard to achieve (mainly because of my loved ones), but I’m learning to master the art of what I like to call the: “less committed witness” (or 1 st degree fader).

    I have submerged myself into the study of the gospel (using non-JW material) and the history of the Christian church. I’ve also been listening to sermons online from other denominations. I’m re-discovering Christianity, and achieving a relationship with God and his Son that I never had before. I savor the scriptures and delight in my moments of prayers.

    As my level of commitment to the JW is on decline, I realize how irrelevant the JWs are becoming to my life. It’s unbelievable how easy REALLY is to disconnect from the whole thing. All it takes is finding something else to do with your time, and focus your mind and spirit on other stuff.

    My advice to the new ones is this, DON’T go “crazy”…by that I don’t mean to minimize your feelings or the pressure that you might be under as result of discovering that this is a corrupt, mind abusing, cultish group. I was a train wreck when I first made my discoveries… I had many sleepless nights, developed a taste for alcohol drinking24.gifand sleeping pills that I didn’t have before (I was a non drinker and a sound sleeper). I even went through a mild-depression sad0142.gifthat complicated things at work and at home. I felt that my world was tumbling down. Don’t get me wrong…I still struggle with the BS (specially during the DA assembly)…but such episodes are less frequent and shorter in duration. So, you’ll notice that time and patience are really our best friends in this journey. Take your time to sort things out and work on your fade, and be patient with yourself and the loved ones that you’d like to help (my wife has gone from, “I might divorce you if you leave”, to reading another bible translation with me, joining me when I miss some meetings, even leaving early from the meetings that I don’t go to… just to be with me ).

    Again, the JW are irrelevant to the world in general, they live in a world of “their pure imagination”…Life is better when not conferring to them so much power over our lives and emotions. I’m discovering that, and even if I don’t get 100% out, I think I’ll be joining humanity and be living a fulfilling joyful life.


  • NiceDream

    Thank you so much for your inspiring post! I'm on a similar path, and was doing things without realizing it...such as reverse shunning. I love that term!

    What books are you reading to learn about the history of Christianity?

    I have my DC this month...maybe I should bring my other Bible translation with me, lol. I've been studying the Watchtower with a different Bible translation and it's easy to see how they make stuff up.

    Thank you for sharing your positivity and how to be patient with your spouse. Sometimes I feel all "crazy" and wonder if I need to leave my loving husband so my son can grow up without cultish influences. But I'll take it one day at a time. How did you get your spouse to read another translation with you? Perhaps I should ask my husband if he will do that with me?

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    A good nonthreatening (to a Dub) first step in reading other translations is to start with the Kingdom Interlinear if you can get one. (if you can't find a hard copy you can google for a pdf version )

    It shows the Greek with the transliterated English beneath it and then the NWT version in a column on the right of the page. After reading the straight English transliterations of texts alongside the NWT awhile, you could casually say, "I wonder how other translators phrased that in English." You may even recall some fond memory of looking through an old Bible of grandma's or something, just to show that you're not out to bash the NWT, but rather just to see God's Word and appreciate it more. (I, for one, remember a white leather covered "red letter" Bible my family had when I was a kid. It's long gone now but I'd love to find one again today.)

    Great and inspiring post, Onemore!

  • mindmelda

    I think because you're taking a positive rather than a negative approach to it, it's working for you.

    I did something similar...I went through the negative aspects of fading away then started making something positive out of it.

    Still, I'm glad I don't have to sit through assemblies or meetings. Never did care for them, except for the social aspect.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Fantastic post with heaps of relevant, positive suggestions.

  • onemore

    Nice Dream,

    You have a PM.

    Thank you all for your comments.

    In my case, I feel that switching from feeling oppressed by the governing body and looking at them as a powerful slave master, to feeling pity for their need to posture an authority that they don’t have and seeing them as a bunch of stooges, has been instrumental to gaining control of my emotions.

    They can’t control what’s in my heart and mind, they can’t come to my house and see what I read and take away my books. They can’t control my prayers…they can’t even control what I say on these forums.

    Once you see them as what they are…nothing more than a bunch of apostolistic posers that depend on YOUR money, time, and attendance for their food, shelter and self-worth…you realize that the one who really have POWER and CONTROL is YOU. Once you regain that power… you say outlaud in your head ”king kong ain’t got sh*!+ on ME!

    That power comes from relaying on the good shepherd, Jesus. And by asking Jehovah for strength, wisdom and patience.

    Keep this in mind. My spiritual DNA that’s print in my soul and I will forever Own Lord! -Damian Marley,”Patience”.

  • snowbird
  • LongHairGal


    Thanks for a good post and you are so right about how irrelevant the JW culture is in your life. I also see the GB as posturing an authority they don't have and who count on the gullible to believe it. I, for one, never believed their divine claims and it went in one ear and out the other.

    I believe this is why when you are new, the religion stresses how you should 'get rid of your worldly friends and acquaintances and should curtail your association with relatives'. This is done in a deliberate attempt to isolate you and then you will be dependent on the people in the religion for 'friendship' (if you can call it that). It sounds very similar to what an abusive spouse does to their partner. Even though I met a few people who I liked, the negative outweighed the positive.

    As a long time fader, I learned from personal experience just what you are saying, and it is very true that once you get NEW activities going and make new friends (or rekindle old ones) you will never miss the conditional 'friends' in the religion. In fact, you will wonder just how you got suckered into tolerating so much abuse!

Share this