I only got into being a dub after marrying a woman who grew up in it but was never baptised. Her father was the typical overbearing elder, in it primarily for the prestige, but never practicing what he preached. After a few years into the marraige she had what could best be described as a so called very emotional "spiritual awakening" in a meeting I accompanied her with to a couple of brothers. They arranged a study for her with a couple of elderly pioneers. It all seemed very rehearsed to me even then.
I agreed to a study a few years after she was baptised and was later baptised myself. But then, I started taking a much closer look at my new "friends" and my new attitude. I noticed the way the younger people were almost paired up in what I could only see as arranged marriages. I realized that I was losing more and more control over my life as the months went by as I tried to conform and I began making decisions that were not necessarily in my best interest, but were in the interest of how that decision would be perceived in the congregation, or the decision that would bring the smug smile on an elders face. I got tired of going to meeting after meeting where it seems that the R\F are constantly being chided on apparently not doing enough in the congregation or for the WTBS. Constantly laying on the guilt trips "are you giving Jehovah your best". I started questioning how was it that my elder brothers who had great jobs, one of which whom was an engineer or architect, could sit there and discourage me from going back to school and better myself and my family, while they were free to drive around in their fancy cars and their nice suits and live the comfortable life they're education had given them. We lived at the time in an apartment with a car that barely got me back and forth to my burger flipping job. I began to notice the haughtiness and the superiority complex of the people around me and how they, and I, constantly looked down our nose that those who were not in the truth. Yea...me too, and I didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.
I was then, at one of my jobs, introduced to a Ex-jw who had fell away due to the 1975 fiasco. Yes, I had been fully indoctrinated and knew I shouldn't have been talking to this person about spiritual matters, but I figured if this really was the "truth", then it should stand on it's own against some hard questions. This was probably the best thing that happened to me, as he opened my eyes to other issues that the brothers had neatly explained away as "new light" getting brighter. I decided then that I'd have to plan my escape.
The sisters who were continueing their study with my wife wanted us to move closer into the congregation's territory and even showed us a couple of duplexes they had seen while in field service. It's no surprise that these duplexes were right around the corner from where they lived. We eventually moved a couple of times to other apartments in an adjacent territory and finally to another city all together. That stopped the study with those sisters, but she continued to go to the meetings at the new hall for awhile.
Like I said before, I had decided to make my escape but I didn't know how my wife would take it so I kept silent and bided my time, just as she had bided hers getting me into the dubs. I rationalized the places I wanted to move as being great moves for us for our children's sake while in reality I wanted to get away from that congregation of elders who thought they knew me so well. When we finally settled into a house I announced that I would be going back to school which met with a less than favorable response from her. She gave me the usual opposition you'd expect from someone entrenched in the organization, meeting attendance, family studies......blah...blah...blah. But I had made up my mind and this was a perfect excuse I could use to make a graceful exit. My zest for the truth had long since been extinguished by what I'd saw and whenever I did go to meetings, which were rare, I never participated or stayed past the first hour. She was at first very intent on getting me back into going to meeting and being a good JW but it finally came to a head one night. One night while she was grilling me about why I didn't want to go to the meetings again I actually got sick and threw up. I had told her over and over again that it just wasn't in my heart to go to the meetings anymore. Finally I point blank told her that I wouldn't be going to the meetings anymore until I was ready and that if this marraige was to survive that on this issue we will have to agree to disagree. Shocked as she may have been, that ended anymore discussion on my lack of meeting attendance though she still occasionally encourages me to come to meeting with her. We're still married and love each other and she still occasionally go to meetings. She has learned to live it defering to my decisions even if they don't follow WT guidelines, though nothing has come up that was that heavy. Whenever I want to do something that she thinks would bother her conscious I either do it alone or sometimes laugh inside while she reationalizes a reason she could do it when I know it's something she will enjoy. But I've come to the conclusion that I want her out of the organization completely as well. I know this is gonna be a tough sell, but with patience I know I'll succeed. Here's my plan.
There has been a lot of layoffs going on in this country, and I'm using it to my advantage. She's recently been laid off on her job so now she's totally dependent on me. In the past she's had no inclination or impetus to educate herself although I know and she's said to me that she always wished she could go to school, so I'm gonna use the bait and switch technique. Since she profess to love me unconditionally and want to help in supporting us I'm holding before her the opportunity to go to school, educate herself and gain some financial independence. I'm using education as the bait and the switch is gonna be college educational classes instead of meeting attendance and indoctrination. I'm hoping that through this I can use the critical thinking and research techniques she'll learn to use in college to slowly expose this farce of a religion for what it truly is, a front for a publishing company and a major pyramid scheme that supports a governing body of old men set apart from what and how people are truly supposed to live. I'm hoping later to slowly introduce her to what I've been learning on this site about the past hidden mistakes and constantly changing doctrines that make up the WTBTS and how they use labels and the fear of losing family and support structures to keep people in spiritual slavery to what's nothing more than a front for a business.
Wish me Luck
Later...I'll tell you all how I got my adult children out of this cult.....