Question to those who have recently left the WT

Brymichmom

Is it unusual for JW's to take in a newly baptized person and support that person if they have no money/income of their own?

I have been out of the WT for 30 years now, but I know a lot of things just don't change all that much. The daughter of some people I recently met came to me for help last year. Their 18 year old daughter was studying with JW's. They didn't know it because the daughter would go over to the JW house once a week for her "study". And the reason she started her study was because she liked a JW boy. Well of course JW boy's mother who is a pioneer took it upon herself to "study" with the 18 year old girl who had not graduated high school yet and was still 17. Now she's JW mama's pride & joy "trophy" because her "study" got baptized.

To make a long story short, when parents found out that daughter was studying to be JW, they were upset. By that time, daughter was being "love bombed" and totally head over heals with JW boy. And JW boy's mama, a very controlling woman had her claws into friend's daughter. And this comes at a time when the daughter is thinking her parents are the meanest people in the world who just don't understand her. Last September daughter moved out for two weeks but came back. My friend actually called the PO to tell him that her daughter and the boyfriend were sexually active. And guess what? Daughter came home, she became a hot potato and the other JW's really didn't want to take her in anymore.

Daughter has moved out again because parents decided she was being too disrespectful, not following their rules at home (she would scream at her mother, "SCREW YOU!!!") so parents decided no more car. Daughter threw a tantrum and moved out now is living with JWs who seem to have money and has been there about 10 days now. Parents told daughter they will still put her through college and are trying to keep communication lines open. I told the dad that his daughter is probably giving these people a sob story about parents being "oh so opposed to the truth" and putting her in spiritual danger. So these JW's probably feel sorry for her, she is newly baptized and Satan walks around like a roaring lion and all that stuff.

The father thinks these people are trying to keep her there and will continue to financially support her. I'm saying that most JW's aren't that generous and this will get old after a few weeks. The father talked to his daughter last week and she still wants to go to college (she's enrolled at the local university, will begin in August) and promised that she won't be getting married. Parents told daughter they will continue to support her if she goes to the university. She's really an intelligent girl, and is going to major in engineering. I say daughter's way out right now is to go to school, become educated. Pretty soon what JW's teach will seem stupid.

Opinions anyone?

Cynthia

yknot

Well technically I am still 'in'..........

Much is dependent on who the JWhosts are....... are they an older couple suffering from empyt nest syndrome? Young couple, wife needing a friend? Couple the Pio-Mom set up as a go-between?

Is she planning on living in the dorms come Aug..... if so this might be part of the reason why the couple has decided to host for the summer.

Are her and the boy kaput?

.......all in all I would chalk 98% on youthful rebellousness and have the parents fuss over her ......she wants to be fussed over..... have them give her attention and be all gleeful over her impending college experience (ie spend time and money on dorm decor)..............

I would also suggest the parents arrange a conference between these hosts and themselves.......

Brymichmom

Thank you Ynot. But right now, daughter won't tell parents where she is staying exactly. All she has told them is that she is staying with JW's who live in a "gated community". They communicate with daughter via the cell phone that they still pay for. I don't know if who ever she is living with has decided to keep her the entire summer. The parents really just don't know much at all at this point except that there daughter still wants to go to college. It is a very good idea (and I told them this too) to keep in touch, talk about college and dorm life, about buying stuff for dorm and all that fun stuff.

Brymichmom

Oh and Ynot, I didn't answer your question about the daughter and the boy: Not sure if they are an "item" anymore. Might be, but the mom seems to know that they fight a lot. I doubt this will really last.

jamiebowers

I wonder if the girl and her jw boyfriend are holed up in a love nest somewhere and this rich jw couple who are hosting her is a fiment of the girl's imagination.

peaches

i think it is a very creepy situation.....have those parents do what ever it takes to get that kid out of there...

nugget

Several things come to mind. At 17 emotions and passions are strong but they are rarely enduring. The boy who I fancied like crazy at 17 I loathed by the time I was 18. This relationship will probably run it's course. Outside the organisation these romances rarely result in marriage. So step 1 would be that however strong her feelings are she should be encouraged to wait before making an "everlasting" commitment to this boy. Her parents can point out that as she has already made a life changing commitment to God and that she needs to explore this before making others.

Each time the parents speak to her they need to reassure her that they love her deeply are sorry she has chosen for the time being to live apart but look forward to seeing her again when she is ready.

Keep college firmly in mind education is the best antidote to the organisation and will also give her the opportunity to meet new people and form new relationships. Each time they call move college goals closer set times to go shopping for college supplies and dorm equipment. Tell her she needs to think also about buying a thank you gift for who ever is putting her up at the moment to show appreciation for letting her stay these few weeks, thus subtlely emphasising the temporary nature of the existing accommodations.

At the moment it is all about weathering the storm and moving her through to college. She may be getting pressure from the witnesses to pioneer and give up college but she needs to go. If she starts to blow hot and cold about education her parents can tell her that college will be essential in order to gain true independance and have the freedom to make choices. Since she is making choices she needs to be able to support herself in future and as there are more women than men in the org she cannot rely on some man looking after her.

The parents can say they are willing to help her but there will come a time when she needs to be in the best position to look after herself. She seems a bit needy and selfish after all there isn't much kudos running away from mum and dad to bunk in someone else's house. She needs to learn that freedom also brings responsibility. Whilst it is cute to put up a 17 year old who has had a tiff with their parents, it is not cute to do the same for a 20 year old loafer. Parents do it because they love you, strangers because they feel good for a bit but the glow will fade.

Black Sheep

I seem to recall a recent thread that could well have been written by one of her parents, so maybe it's not too uncommon.

Brymichmom

Jamie, it doesn't seem very likely. JW pioneer mama keeps close tabs on her little darling boy and wants to make sure he doesn't shame the family by getting DF'd or publicly reproved.

Peaches, it is pretty creepy. But I am advising the parents to not panic or do anything that could drive daughter more deeply in the WT. I really think this is a case that the newly baptized daughter is crying to everyone, giving them sob stories about how horrible her opposing parents are. The truth is about these parents is that they have doted on her all her life as she is an only child.

Nugget, I love your response! You reflect much of what I was thinking and it's good to know that others are thinking along the same line as I am. Before this, the parents knew nothing about JW's and what their MO was. And they never in a million years expected their daughter to ever join such a controlling religion. Daughter has always been independent until now. Now she's following the crowd of JW's she's hooked herself in with.

Cynthia

Question to those who have recently left the WT

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