All Black Attendees - Caligula’s 30-Mar-2010 Memorial Experience–I am a doormat!!

by Caligula1 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Caligula1

  All Black Attendees - Caligula1’s 30-Mar-2010 Memorial Experience –I am a doormat!!

  I and another inactive friend, met another (once disfellowshipped) though active now friend at the Memorial. It was good seeing both of them. I enjoyed the Memorial. I still love the people and the environment. I had a 1 hour drive in the rain to get there.

  The song “Hail to Jehovah’s First Born” did not sound the same. I like the old version better. It was the first time I saw the new song books. Also there were only 2 sets instead of 4.

  The number of the anointed was about 10,400 ???. I thought the number was should be in the 9,000 range.

  As the bread was past I handed it the next person. The plate was a light aluminum metal. I like the heavy ceramic or heavy metal plates. As the wine was past, I smelt the aroma of the wine. I would never partake of the bread or wine. I see no reason for that either in my own beliefs or to show off.

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  Afterwards 4 of us went to a fast food restaurant to talk. We spoke for about 1 hour. After 1 person left, the other 2 expressed some past doubts. They opened up. One fellow was raised a Witness, like me, and he was just “coming back” after 15 years, with about 11 aunts and uncles, 2 sets of parents, etc., everyone, and there kids are connected with the organization. And all have "faded back" at some point…(as we on this board "fade away" from the organization.)

  Moshse had a good post about being a doormat. I respect his zeal, and admire it. And I felt that way early on, but now, and this is just my opinion, for many especially those raised as Witness, and especially from infancy, hanging around the organization may not be a bad thing.

  (There is no need to flame this post, as I look forward to meeting all of you in person, on the East Coast USA or Las Vegas NV USA, at Apostatefest or just meeting up for an ice cream cone as I come through your town…or you come through mine. That’s one of the main benefits of a board like this)

  As African Americans in the US, I see high unemployment, and other economic conditions and social environments that can cause people to cling to things. I enjoy living in this country and see unlimited opportunity for myself and others. I was raised in the city and born in America. I’m not using race as some excuse maker, just what I see, as it affects this situation.

  Many “hanger ons” seem to not be able to function without this organization…..and all of my “righteousness” and “research” (has not) and is not helping them, especially when their whole family are Witnesses. The artful fade is a great skill, which they may not be able to pull off.

  Steve Hassan, of Combatting Cult Mind Control, said that “5% of the people are better off IN the organization that outside of it.” I agree.

  A well dressed lady came in the restaurant, with about 3 kids, and 1 of the kids, gleefully shouted “Hi” to the brother I was sitting with. He responded. But the lady did not return my speaking to her, as I assumed they were Witnesses also attending a Memorial. I thought I must be mistaken and maybe the brother new the child from another setting.

  When they left, he told me that the lady was disfellowshipped. Looking back, she knew her place in the organization….and the effects of shunning.

  I am doormat. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
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  White Dove

  I feel that whatever makes a person happy and a good person, then more power to them. Glad you went and had a good time:)
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  LexWatson

  I went to the memorial as well. Also my first time to see the newest songbook. I remember when we retired the old songbooks 30 years ago. I grew up with the PINKISH color songbooks) We all hated the new songs and it was hard to sing the new songs with any enthusiasm.

  I had to chuckle since it seemed people simply mumbled through the songs tonight out of the new songbook. No enthusiasm at all.

  It seemed that this year the majority of the memorial talk was about how we shouldn't partake of the emblems and how disappointed Jehovah would be with any of us that did. Was this overemphasized compared to years past? or was it simply me?

  On a positive note our hall was certainly diverse culturally. I sat in the overflow room and we were white, black, hispanic, asian and native american.

  I looked around and wondered how many were there like me that felt it was important enough to show up for the event but were...unenthused about being in the hall otherwise and had no intention of returning to the organization to support it as Gods chosen mediator between him and the "other sheep".

  I gather this is STILL their position?? That Jesus is the mediator only for the annointed and the rest of us need the organization to tell us what Jehovah's Holy Spirit is directing us to do?

  I also felt a strange comfort in the familiarity of the KH. Down deep inside I wish the things I was taught as a child were true...however had they been true I guess I'd have been in the "NEW ORDER" (a term I understand is not used now) in my teen years (shortly after 1975) or certainly by the time I was in my late 30's (before the generation of 1914 passed away).

  hmmm...I'm in my 50's now 35 years after 1975, and that generation of 1914?..(the ones that were old enough to understand the significance of the changes the world saw that year) ALL DEAD!!

  40 years in and around the WT organization...and now the scripture that comes to mind the most when I dwell on the WT is the one that says "having a form of Godly devotion but proving false to it's power, and from these turn away" .

  I read that scripture at the door thousands of times. I never thought I would feel it was a direction from Jehovah to turn away from the Watchtower.

  Yet that's what I believe now.

  I doubt I can ever support organized religion again. I watch keenly the events unfolding with the church of scientology and the catholic church religious organizations.

  All of them run by imperfect man and obviously no support or endorsement from God...just like the WT.
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  Caligula1

  White Dove,

  Thank you for kind words.

  I loved seeing the kids running around. It brought back memories.

  In fact, one of the children, dropped the plate with the bread on it. And when the wine came around, the brother would not let those children pass the wine because he did not want them to drop it.

  I did not like that. I feel that everyone should have the opportunity to pass the wine, even if they dropped the plate with the bread on it. I looked back at the active brother I came to see, and said something like “that’s not right”. And he said he would talk to the brother.

  We did not follow up with that.
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  Judge Dread

  The first meeting I ever attended was all black............except for one old white couple.

  Thanks for the memories, Roman.

  Judge Dread
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  Caligula1

  Judge Dread,

  It took me down memory lane also.

  I saw on another post that you went to the Memorial also, and had a good time. I respect that……no spectacle and no drama needed.
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  Caligula1

  LexWatson,

  Wow !!

  I grew up with those pink song books also.

  I do remember reading somewhere, a few years ago, that the Society was talking people out of claiming to be of the Anointed. ( I think it was an attempt to get the Anointed numbers down. ???)

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  You wrote,

  “I also felt a strange comfort in the familiarity of the KH. Down deep inside I wish the things I was taught as a child were true...however had they been true I guess I'd have been in the "NEW ORDER”

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  I agree with your words precisely, I feel comfort in the Kingdom Hall also, and deep down I wish the things I taught, and believed with all of my heart were true.

  At times on my way back from Atlantic City, New Jersey USA, I see a Kingdom Hall, that a few times I wanted to get off the bus, go to the Hall, find my wife, have my kids, and live happily ever after…….either waiting on the New System……or just living in the Witness world…in this system.

  Yes, I have a distrust of organized religion, but I don’t feel the love and family feel that I felt in the Watchtower. I notice that some on this board did not feel love from the organization or from their congregation, or their elders. I had a good congregation and good and loving elders (and this probably shapes my viewpoint). Even now I would like to create that sense of connection today.

  I must meet you (and others like you) in person some day.
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  White Dove

  I, too, feel nostalgic sometimes for the warm familiarity. It was my life for 38 years. It was my whole childhood, too. Most of my memories are of being in the khall with those people and those kids. I really tried to do the right thing for so many years. It was a shocker when I realized that my whole identity was based on a lie and that the leaders were Pharisees. But I got to begin to experience something that I had always wanted my whole life: the holidays They really are the bees knees I also didn't have to keep feeling left out and like a freak. It's now all up to me. Freedom of choice is so sweet.