Divided household, spiritual widow, spiritual orphan. Propaganda expressions

by Mattieu 9 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mattieu

  I grew up in what the society calls a “divided household” being a “spiritual orphan” the son of a “spiritual widow”. Looking back now, these terms certainly isolated us, or marked us as being different from the ideal families in the congo.

  There were quite a few of us “divided households” in our congo when we were growing up and as most of the “spiritual united families” wouldn’t associate with us on a social scale, we mostly hung out with each other. A few of our dad’s became good friends as no doubt they had a few things in common, being the cause of divided households.

  I remember one elders son saying they couldn’t hang around us as his Dad told him we were bad association, not that we were doing anything wrong, we pioneered on school holidays gave talks, answered up, did all the right things except we had a Dad who wasn’t in the truth.

  These terms that the society use, also create an “us versus them” attitude within the family arrangement. Far from uniting families, when those terms are used at the meetings it really is saying “those in the truth = good, those not in= evil” that your Dad is a source of spiritual endangerment.

  Just as governments have wartime propaganda expressions, I felt the society used these expressions to their advantage. Far from the original scriptural application of “widows and orphans” it is used now as spiritual warfare propaganda in getting those in to be more loyal to the society instead of putting the family first. On a side note, the elders where we were definitely did not watch over these “spiritual widows or orphans” rather neglecting them big time.

  Well I hope my rant makes sense, perhaps my experience is not as others experienced, the above could have just been particular to the city we grew up here in Australia. But I would like to know how others felt and were treated growing up in “divided households”.

  Cheers, Mattieu...
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  White Dove

  I was abandoned out as being a single mom of 2 kids. We single moms are pariahs where ever we go in that org. No congregation like us because we can't be used for anything, being women and our time being used to raise our kids. We turn in very little if any time at all.
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  Mattieu

  Hi Whitedove,

  Sadly your comments are true of most single Mum’s in the borg. The last congo I associated with had a fair representation of single Mum’s who had to struggle with raising a family, work or the stress of lack of work/income and all the other anxieties of life and the lack of association. Sadly most are viewed as a statistic to make the congo report card look good for the c/o.

  Mattieu.
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  Rethinking

  Similarly, my mom was a single parent with my brother and me. She did everything by herself and on her own. No one did anything extraordinary for my family. My mom was, and still is, a strong individual and wasn't afraid to stick up for herself and tell people to mind their own business or tell them straight up that they were wrong. For that, she was pegged as not being submissive or "obedient to those taking the lead". I say, why should she bow down to you elders when you do nothing for us. Jerks! And yes, we were not included in the family gatherings or what have you. My brother and I are out, thank goodness; and we are slowly working to get her out of there. Being in the WT and its congregations are like being in an abusive relationship, in my opinion.
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  garyneal

  As the 'worldly' husband of a 'spiritually widowed' wife, I can only hope that my wife doesn't become so indoctrinated that she fails to see through this propaganda and starts building walls.
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  sd-7

  I grew up in a "divided household" myself. My mother got baptized on my 4th birthday, and my father wanted to take me out to celebrate it. My mom repeatedly told others that "Satan got into me" that day because, as a four-year-old, I wanted to go to Chuck-E-Cheese's rather than get crammed into a suit and sit in a seat for 8 hours listening to anything, much less something I found to be boring.

  No one treated us differently, though. So long as you appeared to be "spiritual" enough--and there was one family that you could NEVER be spiritual enough for--people would associate with us. Of course, not "having a spiritual father", there were those who presumed they could assume that role. One elder once said, "You're like a son to me, you know that, right?" My first thought was, "That's funny, 'cause I've never thought of you as a father figure. At all."

  I often pondered how my father, a good man who loved his wife and children dearly, went out of his way to be kind and giving to others, even to his father (who murdered his mother)--how this man could be destroyed at Armaggeddon for not being in our religion. He realized something was wrong with the religion after I got a "W" at my talk at a circuit assembly and I was really upset by it. He didn't like how they treated people.

  Anyway, yeah, it's propaganda. The elders certainly don't care about "spiritual orphans and widows" any more than they care about literal ones. They're just policemen/the Society's hired thugs. With some rare exceptions (haven't met 'em yet). The only time they care is if you've done something wrong. Otherwise, nothin'.

  All things considered, we were treated well, but not given any special consideration save if we had some special talent or put in enough FS. That's about it.

  --Christopher
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  BluesBrother

  We single moms are pariahs where ever we go in that org.

  A lot of that is because the wives do not trust their men around the single mums, and make it difficult for the guys to be friendly . Add to that the WT warnings about ever being alone with a single sister and you have a recipe for those single mums to be left out.....
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  LongHairGal

  MATTIEU,

  It is sadly true that the 'orphans and widows' were pretty much ignored, unless, of course, they were related to the right people.

  RETHINKING,

  Your mother sounds like a woman after my own heart. I am a single woman who fends for myself. Your mother had it worse with having to also look after children. For that, she is to be commended. I know what you mean about having to stand up for yourself and tell people to mind their own business. In this idiot religion, they do not respect boundaries, especially with women. Some people there actually deserved a kick in the private parts because they thought they could not only have their nose in your business but they thought they were going to exploit you as well.

  As far as being 'submissive to those taking the lead': I was 'submissive' if it was a car group or out in field service. But, as far as my personal life, I am my own boss. These idiots aren't supporting me and I am not sleeping with them. Their so-called authority is only within the boundaries of the hall or some car group. That is it. Any other authority they think they have is a delusion in their minds.

  I never met such nervy bastards in my life as when I was in this religion! Of course, you and I would not be invited anywhere much. Bottom line: they have no use for you unless they can exploit you.
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  LittleSister

  Hi Mattieu

  Sadly I don't think your experience is out of the ordinary. My father was never in the truth and it certainly isolated him from his children in many ways and we were certainly looked down on by others in the cong.

  When my sister told me what the Borg is really like my dad was one of the first people I confided in. I felt he deserved to know the truth, he had been right all these years. Our relationship is much stronger as a result and I have a renewed respect for him, he truly is a good and wise man.

  I have nothing, but contempt for an organisation that lied to me all my life and made me grow up frightened that the father I loved was going to die if he didn't become a JW.
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  Mattieu

  Hi Littlesister,

  It had the same effect on my Dad’s relationship with all of us kids as well, at least he has seen 4 of his kids get out of the borg and try and rebuild the father/child relationship. Better late than never....

  Mattieu...