I'm not sure that I had a strong faith in anything ever. I think as a small child I had faith in my
parents and my brother. My father and brother let me down pretty early in life, so that faith was
gone. I had faith in the friends at the Kingdom Hall and a few teachers and a few non-witness friends.
I can't remember ever having faith in god. I looked at things from a logical and/or rational point of
view from very early in life. But I did believe in the idealistic "New Order" where everyone would
be friends and no one would suffer. Rev. 21:3,4 had always been my favorite scripture and the one
I used for years as a pioneer to open discussions at the door. While pioneering I discovered a number
of irrationalities in what I was teaching to my Bible studies. I soon left the pioneer work. I was
at Bethel for a brief time before confessing that I was gay. What I saw at Bethel shook my faith in
the possibility of a new order because what I saw there was basically a bureacracy headed by men
who were not good leaders and generally did not show the love that I expected. To sum up,
I do not have faith. I think this has led me to being an unhappier person. Can faith and logic
exist in unison or are they mutually exclusive. I'm interested in your thoughts.