Elders Wives

by xelder 6 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • xelder
    xelder

    I am sure that we individually are responsible for decisions and actions we take. We reap what we sow, and ultimately must face the personal responsibility. However, other factors do contribute.

    I am a 5th generation JW, and my wife is a 4th generation JW. We grew up together in the 1970's in the same rural area congregation where both of our fathers were elders. My father was very strict and emotionally abusive. It has taken me years to even be able to admit that. In his partial defense, his childhood was difficult. His method of correction was to strip your self-esteem to the bone. This is the type of man that can be a JW elder. Where is Holy Spirit involved in the appointment?

    We married at 18 years of age. I know that we loved each other, but we both changed and grew as we matured. I was an angry young man and was at times emotionally cruel to my wife. We have stayed together because my wife is the finest person I have ever known. She is loving, longsuffering, very moral, kind and a wonderful mother. I was always doing "more important" things. I was a very good provider but, I was always after self-esteem and got at the Kingdom Hall. I was a MS, aux-pioneer, elder, circuit assembly, district stuff, temp bethel worker, blah, blah, blah. To have father figures (men twice my age) applauding my accomplishments was a real esteem booster. Like my father, how could I possibly be qualified by holy spirit to be an elder and give families counsel. I look back (like the apostle Paul) and consider it all a lot of refuse.

    My wife was also the first to realize that the WTS was selling crap. She and I have been progressively waking up for about 15 years. We read Ray's books 18 months ago and it was extremely emotional on many levels. Sadness, relief, sympathy, anger, over so many areas of our lives and what could have been.

    I am amazed at what elders wives put up with. The WTS always talks out of both sides of their mouth saying, "thank your wives that you are here at this special meeting away from your families." "We know your families sacrifice so that you brothers can serve" "Be sure and take care of your families needs". Then they tell you to get busy with a huge list of organizational stuff to do, and your worth as a person and an elder hangs on their opinion of you. It is like Corban. Jesus denounced the practice of setting material things aside for a holy purpose while not caring for aging parents. Elders give family time as Corban instead of where it is most needed.

    I used to wish my wife was "more WTS spiritual". She felt inadequate for many years because she was not all that the WTS or I wanted from her. (In other marriages, many wives complain about their husbands not being spiritual heads). I now realize that she is the reason for all the good things in our lives. My WTS efforts were all a waste. I was a selfish person and will spend the rest of my life spending every day spoiling my dear wife. (she's really fit and pretty too - haha)

    I want men and women to know that their mates can eventually get it. The WTS definition of how their spiritual routine is the most important thing in a marriage is extremely damaging.

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Fully agree with you my friend...nice feling ain't it!

  • Cadellin
    Cadellin

    Xelder, thank you for sharing that. You see, I, too, am an elder's wife. As I type this, he is out in FS, bless his well-meaning heart. I've woken up, he hasn't. Or, at least, he's in denial. He knows certain things are simply untrue, yet, as you describe, so much of his self-image and self-esteem are bound up in the position and, honestly, in the warm fuzzies he gets from being "self-sacrificing." (I make it sound like he's insincere and he's not). He's a great guy and our marriage is strong, so I'm not complaining. He doesn't bug me about my decision to become inactive. And, in return, I go to Sunday meetings with him so we're not completely divided.

    It's interesting that your wife started noticing problems with the "truth" before you. What got her thinking and how did she share it with you?

  • xelder
    xelder

    Since our fathers were elders. We knew of many discussions of brothers who didn't agree with the WTS on certain points. For instance, 1975 had been an issue for my dad. I knew of traveling CO's who stayed with our family who would have discussions with dad about certain inconsistencies in the Org. But, we learned to just "wait on Jehovah". Elders families know stuff that others in the congregation don't. So we got married and understood the the Org was far from perfect. My wife and I always had free discussions of these organizational problems.

    The biggest change for my wife emotionally was just maturing and realizing that she should be able to feel like a good person even if she was only a 7 hour publisher. She felt underappreciated and finally developed enough self worth to say that she was worth more than the WTS implied she was.

    The biggest doctrinal issue for her and then finally me was the generation change in around 1995. The thought that 3 or 4 generations of our family before us had all served for nothing. (My grandma was born in 1913 - her aunt and uncle were coulpuerters in Russels time)

    I was the one who finally had to know all I could. So I'm the one who ordered Ray's books and we read them aloud together.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Sure is nice coming out the other side isn't it?

    Congrats to you and your wife.

    om

  • garyneal
    garyneal

    Thanks for sharing this. As someone who believes in God and someone who wanted respect and appreciation from others, I recall how I wanted Jehovah's Witnesses to see me as someone who is a 'good person' in their eyes. I studied with them for years and even agreed with a lot of their assertions. I was even beginning to see how the holidays should be considered bad and therefore avoided. However, I never really felt that this religion was all it claimed in being 'THE TRUTH.'

    When my wife decided to go full throttle and become a witness, I was scared that I may have been following a wrong crowd all my life. That's when I began looking into what the Bible says and studying this religion more closely. Needless to say, I did an about face and stopped my studying and began going to the meetings less and less.

    I tried sharing with her my findings but I wasn't expecting the cult wall to erect around her and needless to say things got rough. I've backed off now, knowing that people do what they do for whatever reasons and that it is not really right for me to judge. I support her where I can, even attend a meeting with her every now and then, but I made it clear that I cannot in good concious become a witness.

    Hopefully, she will one day wake up. In the meantime, I just focus on my spiritual walk and be as good a husband and father that I can be.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I was an elder's wife that did a great job of creating an illusion that we were the perfect little JW family. Meanwhile inside I was dying, screaming, feeling alone, constantly pushed to do more while he was out doing "business". We wound up being strangers. But then that is how we started and never really connected as a couple (arranged marriage).

    It is no wonder that elder's wives wind up haviong a multitude of health problems. It seems to me that for many getting sick is the only way to get a brewak from all things WT.

    I'm glad you both got out. Freedom is wonderful.

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