WANTED:
Not-so-bright men wanted for positions in Religious Printing and Marketing Corporation.
Bags of bones and hanks of hair people are also welcome to apply, but must furnish own head covering.
Must be willing to multi-task and work at home to stay current on Corporate policies and marketing techniques.
No experience needed. Will train.
Some travel required, including possible out-of-state trips annually. Must furnish own transportation. No mileage, gasolene or lodging reimbursements are provided.
Successful candidates must pass oral 100+ question screening test and submit to a loyalty oath before being accepted for permanent employment..
Many advancement opportunities are available to men based upon performance and Corporate loyalty.
Position requires frequent and ongoing investment in sales literature which will not be reimbursed under any conditions.
Special hiring priorities will be given to senior, senior citizens with memory lapses who own free and clear real estate.
Strict dress code required.
Strict moral code required.
This is a no smoking environment. No smoking rules are strictly enforced. ALL rules are strictly enforced.
Must be willing to submit to frequent performance evaluations and critiques.
Mandatory attendance required for semi-annual performance evaluations from Sub-Regional Area Sales Manager
Cheerful submission to authority is a must. There is no "suggestion" box. Don't bother asking for one.
Must be willing to agree to an employment contract.
Term of Employment Contract: Life.
Vacation benefits: none
Holiday benefits: none
Fringe benefits: none
Salary: none. Must furnish own income.
THIS IS NOT A PART-TIME JOB! Part-time job seekers should not apply.
Special note: this Corporation complies with NO Federal, State or Local hiring and employer regulations. This is an "at will" position and employees may be terminated wihout cause and without notice at any time.
Benefits: you will be surrounded in the company and joy of the happiest people on earth. But WAIT! There's MORE! In addition, the hardest and most loyal workers will be eligible to receive the biggest reward you can ever imagine, bigger than your wildest dreams and it is a reward that is coming Real Soon Now! So, don't wait! Act now before you lose out on this opportunity of a lifetime!
No phone calls, please.
Farkel