Hi all. Thanks for reading this if you care. I really don't have a particular reason to write this other then the mood hit. It is likely to be rambling, and if it somehow makes some sense, I would consider that a bonus.
My life has distinct seasons. Until my brother died, I was a JW through and through, thought I was right, you were wrong, I was ambitious, wanted to be a CO, etc.
Then Jon died. Stopped me in my tracks. I started to question things.
Flash forward to 9/11/2001, and I watched over and over again people die. This of course was a real mini drama of what JW's like to call "Armageddon". As we can all see now, their faith is so strong that NYC won't be attacked again that all of their properties have been up for sale for some time. See ya in the hills WTBTS.
Then I got to Gilead, where I finally in 2005, admitted to myself for the first time that JW's were not the truth, that I was being lied to. My gray matter got really wrinkly after class 119 ended.
Then I went to Cameroon, from Oct 2 2005-Feb 28 2006. I was almost killed, my wife I learned was also related to Job's wife (curse god and die), and to sum up, I got pretty f*cked in the head.
It was going to Cameroon, after already deciding this WASN'T the true religion (not my brightest moment) that really changed my life. I found the Rubicon for me, and it was in Yaounde Cameroon.
While in Cameroon, I actually, esp after the attacks, got to sit a lot. The branch encouraged me to rest. I think they knew I wasn't long for being a missionary. Good call.
What got me through? Thats the rambling part?
French cable TV! It's called CANAL I think. I got to see some really cool French movies, in subtitles even.
Oh, and I became a soccer fan. I will always root for Cameroon. I get it now. And Sam Eto, you are a god. Barcelona should never have let you go.
Did you know that JW missionaries from the West all over the world buy seasons of TV shows and go home to pretend that these are on TV to keep a sense of normalcy? For me, I got to watch someone else's Friends episodes. Before that, I could have taken or left the show, now, I watch every episode, and thank whomever that in all the pain, I got to laugh.
I watched Hitch and War of the Worlds in Cameroon. (Hitch was better) But the movies I saw for the first time ever, (VERY ironically as it turns out) was all 3 Matrix movies.
A JW refresher: If you are in a country without a rating system, you can watch R rated movies and still be a missionary or on the branch. May we all suck and choke on this rather large hypocritical void.
Having said that, if it weren't for that rather large hypocritical void, I wouldn't have had the instant association with the scene in the first Matrix where the red and blue pill were first offered, and literally gasped that I understood, I took the red pill. And then I saw Cypher want to take it back. I got that too. But mostly, I got to see a really good movie that will always mean so much to me.
When I got back, I took about 6 months off. Recuperated, researched, plotted my escape. And just before I left, I got to see something that once again hearkened me back to Cameroon!
American movie previews are HUGE all over the world. American movies mean so much. And there were two movies that looked intriguing as I was convalescing in Cameroon after my attacks.
One of them was called Rumor Has It with Jennifer Aniston. May I say, this movie was marginally ok, and Costner really needs to do what he does best, baseball movies.
But the other one will forever mean so much to me. The Family Stone. I heartily recommend it. I didn't get to see it in Cameroon, but before I left the cult, a JW family rented it and I watched it. It is the story of a VERY liberal family celebrating Christmas, and it is great. They have gay children, no one is judged, its a great cast, and an even better story. And it was a Christmas movie.
Christmas.
I left and celebrated my first Christmas in 2006. It was cold, it was snowing, frankly, I wasn't in great shape having recently left everything, but I still felt joy. That movie always makes me happy. A family that accepts each other no matter what, doesn't let anything come between them, loves each other through good and bad.
That will be my story. And Christmas will always be my favorite holiday. It is freedom, and even if I have to leech off the joy of others for a while during the holiday season, at least its real joy. And by the way, I have real joy now. And I watch two movies every Christmas, It's A Wonderful Life, and a Family Stone.
I don't know why, but I just typed that and teared up. I guess I have more blessings then I thought I do. I hope that made sense.
Well, I though I would share that. Hope everyone is doing well tonight. :)