She has autism 5 year old child. :(

by asilentone 6 Replies latest social relationships

  • asilentone

    I am going to date this gorgeous chick sometime soon. She wants long term relationship, but she has a 5 year old son that has autism, should I be concerned? I have never dealt with children with autism before.

  • andy5421

    depends: is the autism "high-funtioning"(Asperger's Syndrome) or "low functioning" Austism(Typical Autism)

    If it is high-functioning then maybe I can help. If it is typical Austism, then I can't help you there.

    Remember that the child has a disability and the this he/she does(the child) cannot be helped.

  • asilentone


  • SnakesInTheTower

    My 9 year old nephew has autism....he is smart from what I see...but his language skills are very poor and he has some of the other issues that come with autism. I dont get to be around him much, so I dont see the details.

    Regarding this gal..... anytime you date a gal with a kid, you get what ever "issues" that she and the child have, disabled or not. The soul-searching question for you, or anyone (including myself, because my fiancee has an 8 year old son who is on the other end... highly intelligent but highly insecure) that is dating someone with a child....

    Are you secure enough with yourself to take on this challenge? This lady is probably thrilled to have someone ask her out and be interested in her long-term since she has a child with a disability....taking on someone else's child under normal circumstances.....add to that an autistic child and it is a lot to ask of anyone, let alone someone who is not the child's biological father. But...and I am sure you know this.... you have to be genuinely interested in the little one too. Take your cues from the mother, let her take the lead (don't get between mama and her cub). Learn as much as you can about autism, specifically the type the boy has. If you cant ask the questions, this relationship is doomed before it starts....if she is offended by the questions, ditto.

    On the other hand...if you can have honest conversations about this and get and give honest answers, then you may be genuinely may have found a gem that others have overlooked because of the kid.

    I say give it a chance...but be careful with the little one at first.... autistic kids tend to be shy, but latch on once they get used to you.... any kind of major change in their lives and routines can be absolutely careful but enjoy.

    Snakes (Rich )

  • chickpea

    when i worked in a sheltered workshop
    for developmentally delayed adults, i was
    pregnant with my first child....

    one old woman in her 80's, Rose, who
    was the mother of a 60+ YO man in the
    program looked at my pregnant belly and
    declared the truest statement i have ever
    heard, and i am 4 kids into parenthood:

    "you got kids, you got trouble"

    just comes in different packages is what i can figure....

    educate yourself to the issues or better yet, ask the
    mom what she would want you to know.....

    good luck with all of it

  • Leolaia

    Every child is an individual. Autism is a very diverse condition. Just go and meet the child and see what he is like. You may be surprised....there are stereotypes of autism and then there are real people. Many kids are labelled as autistic at ages 2 and 3, and by age 5 they have made significant strides in language learning and relatedness, and will grow up to be successful. I did. But not everyone. Some will still face significant challenges. Just see what he is like and don't come with presuppositions of what an autistic child is supposed to be like.

  • nugget

    I think it is great that you are interested in this lady and are thinking responsibly about the relationship. Autism is a blanket for a number of conditions some more severe than others. I have a severly autistic nephew in a special school and a child of my own with high functioning autism. Both are very different in many ways and surprisingly similar in others. My nephew has little interest in the people around him my son is loving and caring desperately cute and fearless.

    I think until you know what level of autism you are dealing with it is difficult to know how you feel about it. I would get to know this lady first, get her to talk about her child. Then meet her child on another occasion and see what they are like. If you want to take it further then find out more about the specifics of the autism involved.

    Remember some so called normal children can be challenging, mean and narrow minded and autistic children can be surprising, lovable and exceptional. It is a little early to be put off by a label.

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