by freewilly01 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • freewilly01

    I am a proud parent of a great kid..........fortunately raised as a non JW .

    I could see at an early age that manipulation and control just wasn't working for me as a parent.

    I remember calling at a door years ago ( I can still remeber the exact door and neighbourhood, so it left quite the impression on me) the householder said simply : Thats just wrong to bring your child with you they are way too young to be brought into a religious debate and to take sides on issues like this , where's your head at? I remember thinking whew where is my head at?

    Then I recalled that friends of ours in a local congregation where chastised by an overly aggressive judgemental elder, one of those who didn't allow their kids to watch TV or wear any clothing that might be construed as worldly.. He accused our friends 14 yr old daughter of looking like a prostitute because her skirt was two inches above her knee. The girls parents were actually so worried about what the Borgorg elder thought that they chastised and grounded their daughter. I was really upset at the time and thought about the ramifications of selling your daughter out like that!

    I know that parenting is very challenging, what is working for you now that your out? What positive feedback have you had that your decision to leave was the best thing a parent could possibly do?

  • mama1119

    Oh man! Good question. None of my kids have ever been raised in the JW..they know nothing about it. I raise my kids very differently then I was raised. My parents were good...but I was raised JW..enough said. I could not imagine raising my kids in that. It goes against all my instincts asa mother. And thats one thing I do differently...follow my instincts, rather than raise them how someone says I should. And, my kids are FANTASTIC!

  • parakeet

    I couldn't stomach the thought of raising my son as a dub, which was the final push to get me out of dubdom.

    Having raised my son to have an open mind, to thoughtfully question claims made by others, to choose for himself -- the result is that he is now a confident, well educated young man working in his field of choice, with a lovely wife and healthy, loving 2-year-old son.

    He is everything I was not when I was a young dub.

  • QuestioningEverything

    My parenting as an ExJW is much more logical. It was hard to explain about Holidays and bday parties, not playing sports or going to college. When my 17y son asks why me and his dad didn't go to college, we tell him the JW's reasons why and he just looks at us like we are crazy.

    I am more relaxed as a parent than my mom was. Sometimes, it's difficult to talk to your kid about birth control or drugs, etc, but I feel good in telling them the practical stuff and not the 'dub' stuff. Just say no doesn't work for a 17y old boy with raging hormones. And I'm proud to say that my boys are good, responsible, smart, athletic young men!!

  • nugget

    When I stopped to examine what we did as parents as part of the organisation I realise that in so many ways JWs make life miserable.

    It's not just the no holidays or sports it is the constant monitoring. When their father was an elder it was even worse. Evening meetings, messed up weekends. Taking them on Field Service and potentially causing them embarrassment when they call on friends. Making them freaks at school so that it is hard for them to make friends, narrowing their world so that all their friends are in the organisation making it impossible for them to leave.

    Even at an early age it is the guilt, is this ok? is this allowed?

    We were not the strictest parents by any means but it was truly shocking how deeply the indoctrination had gone with my daughter.

    Now we are more relaxed, we do more things as a family, not just being in the same place, as we were in the meetings, but truly interacting with one another.

    We actually look at what is best for them now rather than what is best as defined by the organisation.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Exciting, scary, challenging, and as often as we can, fun.

    Sometimes I feel like a teen-age Dad even though I'm in my 40s.

    Just last night my son wanted to know if he could play on a sports team next year at school.

    Old Dad: Sorry. Wish I could let you but there's no way that's gonna fly with the congo.

    New Dad: Hell yeah! Err... Hold on. Let's at least think about this for a bit, weigh the pros and cons, and see if it's a good idea for YOU. After a brief discussion, the answer was.....Hell yeah!!!

    FWIW, we have been wonderfully blessed with many new friends in the last year. Some ex-JW, most just plain ol' demonized worldlings. All of them have commented that our kids seem remarkably well adjusted. Phew!! That is great for a parent to hear. I know we and the cult have screwed our kids up somewhat, but they know we're sorry, we love them and we're here for them.

    To the making of many parenting books, there is no end, but this one gets two thumbs up from me:

    "Raising Freethinkers. A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief"


  • WTWizard

    Yes, it is wrong to bring small children out in field circus to force them to make a side with a religion, especially one that is so hotly debated. Especially when they will not be allowed to change their decision when they get older--hell, if there is a raging debate between Christians and Muslims, why should small children be forced to take a stand for one branch of Christianity? Besides, they should be outside playing or in school, not going from door to door.

    Some difficulties I have observed with other parents in dragging children into the cancer:

    *Children acting out in field circus. I have been out in field circus all week (afternoons) during April the year when I first started, and saw one 8-year old that was literally dragged out every day that week. The mother wanted to auxiliary pio-sneer that month, so she had to drag the child out. He was out all morning when I came out, and was usually out until 4 or 5 in the afternoon. While out in field circus, any noises or activities like playing with stones or sticks resulted in spankings and threats of more spankings. That was a complete waste of his school vacation.

    *One family had several children, the youngest of which was into everything (and extremely intelligent). I was extremely lenient with this behavior, since it was very natural (I even let this child explore what was in my suit coat pockets and meeting bag, in plain view of the parents). Other members of the congregation were nowhere near as willing to accomodate this, and the hounders even made a rule against my allowing this kind of exploration. Result: Spankings and being forced to stand in line instead of exploring the auditorium.

    *Holidays wasted. I still remember the Christmas I wasted at the house of one of the hounders. We were going to have gone out in field circus, but were it not for the father getting called in to work to shovel snow. We had a little drive to the A$$embly Hell (empty), and to another Kingdumb Hell (also empty). That was a stupid waste of the day.

    *I have seen numerous children with few or no toys. Once, at a Grand Boasting Session, there was a family that had a McHappy Meal binoculars. Anyone that has ever seen those things knows what crap they are--while they magnify, they create so much distortion that they are as good as worthless (they are made for about 5 cents). The children were very excited about having even this. That tells me that they have very little to play with. And, within my own congregation, I have seen one family where two children had virtually nothing to play with. Another had zero entertainment--no radio, no TV, no nothing. There were two children, then around ages 8 and 12, living there at the time.

    *Once I was at the home of one of the hounders, going to the evening boasting session from there. I saw what a hassle they had getting the children ready--and they were teenagers at the time! It was blatantly obvious that they didn't want to go that evening (they were not sick that night). They ended up going. Bearing in mind that these are children that usually seemed to "enjoy" being out in field circus and at the boasting sessions. Just imagine having 4 or 5 children that do not want to be there, and trying to get them all ready.

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