Why am I Renouncing My JW Faith...Part 4
Bro. “Org. Man” approached me and asked “Why are you not an elder?” I acted naively and said, I don’t know, I suppose that the HS has not directed bro “Sudden Change” to recommend me. He looked at me and said, “that’s going to change, would you like to become one?” two conflicting thoughts came to my head: (1) say no and renounce my position as a MS, (2) say yes, and have the opportunity to make a difference and see what goes on behind closed doors. I felt like Gollum and Smeagol from Lord of the Rings… (my Gollum) “they are all hypocrites, this is your change to be free say no…noo” (my Smeagol) “No. Not master (Jah)!” (my Gollum) “Yes, precious, false! They will cheat you, hurt you, LIE.” (my Smeagol) “Master (Jah) looks after us now. We don't need you anymore.” (my Gollum) “you know you don’t trust them (the WT and the GB) anymore you are an APOSTATE!!! APOSTATE!!! (my Smeagol to Gollum) “LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK!” …. I said Yes to p.o “Org. Man”, the recommendation was approved and I was later appointed as a cong. elder.
I soon noticed that in the elders meetings the bible was rarely used, that what dominated the meetings were assumptions, personal opinions and above all the pronouncements, directions, rules and policies from the “Slave”. I was disappointed as it was obvious that we were acting as business managers, supervisors, rule enforcers and lords over the cong. members…not as real shepherds of the flock. I signed up to be a teacher and a pastor and not to be a supervisor and a judge. Bro. “Org. Man” was precisely that…an organization man to the fullest extend of the word, not a jerk or a bad person, but a pure organization man, this guy would not take a step forward unless it was done precisely as the slave has directed it. Technically bro. “Org. Man” was a good Christian, but far from being a spiritual person, he lacked scriptural insight and discernment, but well versed in the WT policy, procedures and pronouncements.
There is a difference between being a follower of man and looking up to a person. I was very disappointed at the appointed man I’ve dealt with; I thought that some how I would find a person in the Org that will show me the way to operate without compromising my integrity to the word of God. Bro. “Org. Man” was all about status in the cong and the circuit, he was more concerned about the name of the cong being known than on its spirituality, he was more concerned about the number of pioneers in the cong than the quality of their preaching, he was more concern about his image than on doing the morally right things. In essence, he showed me that in order to have clout and respect you need to climb up the organization ladder, have friends in the WT’s high places, walk the FDS walk and talk the FDS talk. It was not about reflecting Christ like qualities, it was about being an Organization Man.
Something happened to my cognitive abilities during the time that my doubts were at its strongest. My eyes were now opened to noticed how the language in the publication was about following and obeying the GB, how many times the argumentations in support of the WT’s doctrines were weak, dubious and condescending. After months and days of reflection and prayers, I mastered the courage to do some research on the internet on other Christian denominations, I wanted to see how they operate, how they were structured and organized. This led me to some ex-JW information, which led me to Ray. Franz books.
It took $15 dollars (for the CoC book) and a study version of a non-WT bible to finally reach to the conclusion that the JW religion is not “the truth”, that even though it’s run by imperfect man, the dominating spirit is not real Christian love and fellowship. That the WT is a business which use and abuse the Christian sheep that are associating with it, that the GB exercises too much un-scriptural control over the lives of JWs and above all…that this is not God’s Organization because the Master of the Universe, the Grand Creator does not need a human organization (with its heads quarters in Brooklyn NY) to reveal Himself to humanity.
Now what? Where do I go with what I now know? What does the future holds for me in this religion? What have I learned about me and people? Where does my faith in God and Christianity stand now?
I’ll try to articulate some answer to these question in part 5.
Not that we don't have enough already, however, we need more accounts like these. Thanks tjlibre, and keep us posted. I'll send u a pm.
You have our undivided attention...
Anxiously awaiting part 5
Very interesting, thank you.