Satan blessed me I think......well not quite, but I want your input....

miseryloveselders

I've wanted to do a bio thread for a little while now to give you my story, but for security reasons I can't at this time. (crazy, maintaining a double life requires secrecy the CIA would envy) I did however want to share this with you, and I need your thoughts and experiences if possible.

I just got a fairly decent job promotion, significant enough pay raise, and better hours. I'm grateful too, happy even. Most people would be right? Especially in these times. However I'm actually conflicted because of this. I interviewed for this position right around the time I started posting on here. I got the offer a little over a week ago. The word got out in my department and other departments, people who know me, and the past few days I've recieved compliments, and congratulations. People shaking my hand, even got a fist bump from an old dude. One coworker, openly gay, shook my hand and warmly congratulated me. We always did get along, and always will. I'm not remotely gay by the way. A couple female aquiantenances gave me a hug. Mind you, none of these people are JWs. Some of them, maybe most of them know I am. Yet here they are sincerely congratulating me. It made me feel really good. Now here's the conflict.........

The deeply ingrained JW side of me is screaming thoughts such as, "the world is fond of their own" "do not be loving the world or the things in the world",etc.. Not to mention this happened right around the time I started logging on here. I'm able to sit back and laugh at what I'm thinking as nonsense, and that these are the thoughts of a crazy person. Yet, these are my thoughts. I've always looked at life believing there is no such thing as luck. We stand on our own success, mistakes, failures, and sometimes chance. I've never personally prayed for anything like a particular job or anything financial. Yet if something worked out for me, I would thank Jehovah. If it didnt, I didnt ever, not once blame it on Satan or Jehovah. I just chalked it up as, "so it goes, oh well." Even the worst times of my life, I've never blamed it on someone. But now, for the first time in my life, I'm experiencing this internal debate that for the most part I know is retarded to ponder over. But my upbringing is tugging at my conscience too. I hope this doesnt come off as a ramble, or incoherent.

Have you ever experienced what I'm relaying to you? Anything similar?

Quirky1

We stand on our own success, mistakes, failures, and sometimes chance.

This is all that it boils down to.

Congratulations!

LostGeneration

Are they really your thoughts? Or are they the thoughts of the WT, which has been indoctrinating you for umpteen years with the same ol same ol...the world is bad, we are good....the world is bad, we are good...the world is bad, we are good. Its like a subliminal voice that has been playing in your head for so many years, its hard to shake.

Yes there is luck....but we often make some of that luck by our hard work, taking initiative, etc...

How do you think people win the lottery? Was it their hard work? No, blind luck...

Have you read Hassan's books yet? He talks about the cult personality, and the real personality. Your real personality is trying to emerge, but the cult guy inside drags you back into WT-think.

OUTLAW

Your doing well..

The WBT$ would like you to feel Guilty for that..

The WBT$ is run by AssH*less.

.....................

Outaservice

It's natural to carry JW 'baggage' for some time, but you will gradually discard it and finally 'join the human race'. Not being a JW does not mean you are worldly, just simply, you are not a JW, and exercising your God given freedom to worship as you felt led.

Don't make too big a deal of it, 'this too shall pass'!

Outaservice

changeling

We are inactive ,but last year we visited our old home town and had lunch with one of my best friends (an active witness). She went on an on about all the bad things happening to people: divorces, out of wedlock babies, job losses, adultery among family members...

My husband and I just looked at each other and out of nowhere he blurts out: "We're doing great! Jehovah must be blessing us!" It did not go over well. :)

changeling

Oh, and why are you thanking Jehovah or anyone else for a promotion you worked hard to get? Give yourself a well deserved pat on the back and enjoy life! :)

Satanus

Congratulations! You must be a hard and smart worker. Actually, jw training can make a person a good worker. It can also make a person tend towards selflessness. You may be discovering a new you (actually not new, but an old you that the wt taught you to suppress).

Also, since the wt trained us to be thinking all the time, many of us tend to think TOO much. They taught us to think negative, like, we don't deserve anything but death. Not true. You deserve your promotion, obviously. Your coworkers can see that. And satan has nothing to do w it. Contradicting my name here, i don't believe in satan, btw.

S

choosing life

Better hours, better pay, sounds like a blessing to me. It is not from an angry spirit guy in the sky though, it is a reward for your hard work.

Even the Bible says that it is a gift from God to work hard and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You need to stop that nonsense playing in your mind put there by the society.

You worked hard, did a good job and were rewarded. Anyone that tells you differently is just jealous. Sometimes the hardest person to convince is ourself.

SixofNine

Consider yourself lucky ;) Many people in your situation have those thoughts w/o also thinking "this is stupid and crazy". In turn, they become stupider, crazier people, either as JW's or as exJW's. You'll find some of those poor souls, unable to criticize their own flawed thoughts and feelings, on this site.

You, otoh, see the humor and silliness behind your thoughts. You'll be fine.

Satan blessed me I think......well not quite, but I want your input....

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