I would check online what the laws are regarding proxies in your area. I would check too with any lawyers that provide free legal advice. The legal power of a husband in regard to his wife's medical decisions (when unconscious) is strong.
For example in North Carolina:
The patient may also not want those family members to make such decisions and would have wanted a close friend or other relative make those decisions. However, if they never bothered to put this in writing, then the patient is stuck. A wife may consider her husband too emotional and unable to make such decisions under stress, so she would prefer that her less emotional brother make these decisions. Or a husband may trust his wife’s judgment, but would want a friend to make healthcare decisions if the wife is unavailable rather than his own mother. A Healthcare Power of Attorney can prevent decision problems before they come up by putting these wishes in writing.
Also these are some things to consider when choosing a proxy:
When deciding which of the potential people to ask to be your Healthcare Proxy, keep in mind that people will interact with the Proxy as if he or she is expressing your wishes - whether the person is or not.
Consider:
- The person's age. You do not want someone who cannot make a legally binding decision (say under age 18).
- The person's mental and emotional ability.
- The Proxy should be someone who is legally competent, who can understand what is happening and the alternatives, and can apply your wishes to the situation.
- The Proxy should also be someone who can make objective decisions in an emotional situation. An in-law may be one step removed from the emotional overlay of the situation.
- How well the person knows you and your wishes.
- How comfortable you are discussing these issues with the person.
- Whether the person respects your right to receive the level of treatment that you want - even if your wishes differ from the person's own wishes in a similar situation.
- Whether the person has strong religious or other beliefs that would make it difficult to make a decision that is based on your own wishes.
- Whether the person has a financial interest in your continuing survival or in your early death.
- Whether the person is strong and assertive enough to enforce your wishes should there be a conflict:
- Without being intimidated by medical professionals. (Can he or she shout at a doctor if necessary?)
- Possibly even against the opinions of other family members.
- Whether the person is a sentimentalist. A sentimentalist may decide at the last moment to try to keep you alive against your wishes.
- Whether the person will be available and accessible to you and your medical providers, preferably in person or at least by phone.
