Greetings everyone. I understand that a good JW must not be friends with anyone who is not in the society. However, I am under the impression that in real life that gets sort of swept under the rug and JW's have friends outside anyways. Is my impression correct? If you have a friend outside, how far could you guys get (eating with outsiders, having common parties, going to the movies...) without the elders "counselling" you? Thank you for your answers.
Friends who are not JW
by dgp 9 Replies latest jw friends
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feenx
It really depends on the JW a little more than the elder. A dub isn't gonna go broadcast to the elders that they have wordly friends. Unless your friend gets caught, as in runs into someone while out with you, or is naive and trusts other dubs by telling them what they're up to and thinking it won't get spread around, then he should be fine. You two can hang out as much as you want to. Hell you can get naked and whip out some pagan rituals.
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dgp
Thank you, feenx.
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garyneal
My wife has worldly friends though I am not sure if she counts since she is still unbaptized. I have to wonder what life will be like once she becomes baptized. A part of me is actually afraid to find out.
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undercover
Friends or acquaintances?
feenx is correct. Most dubs that I know have acquaintances outside of the congregation setting. They just don't go around announcing it. I was the same way.
As has been frequently discussed here, most JWs don't know how to be a true friend. It's a rare commodity amongst loyal dubs. They're indoctrinated to put the bOrg first, everything and everyone else second or worse.
So while many JWs may associate with worldly people their friendships only goes so far.
It's hard to explain...but those of us who were deep in it understand. It's not until you're out and free from it do you see the disconnect that you were in. Anyone that didn't experience it would probably have a hard time understanding exactly what it was like.
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Doubtfully Yours
I have excellent friends that aren't JWs; helps me keep a good balance. However, these friends aren't JW haters. They know I'm a JW, perhaps not as dedicated a JW as some, nevertheless we respect one another's viewpoint and actions.
I truly enjoy having non-JW friends; always will have them, as there are very good people outside of the Organization. The JW fanatics don't agree, though.
DY
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nugget
Never had so called worldly friends. I was friendly to people outside the organisation but even though I was invited out occasionally to parties I always kept work and home seperate and never went. The organisation tells you that people who are not JWs can never be real friends, they also tell you that the organisation will provide new friends but in reality neither statement is true.
It is a control mechanism, it reduces your support network to fellow believers so that you are in fear of being left alone should you ever leave.
In truth congregations can be the same as any other group. Upwardly mobile people stick together as do those with similar interests. If you don't fit in comfortably with the popular uber spiritual set you will still be marginalised. Kingdom halls can be very lonely places if you are not one of the beautiful people.
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feenx
I totally agree with Undercover, it's hard for someone who wasn't deep on the inside to really understand it. And I'd like to think, and hope that it's true, that it's not so much that dubs make sh*tty friends, but I think it's more that as a result of the heavy influence and foced thinking they're under, that they simply don't know HOW to be a good friend, and have a very skewed perspective of what a true friend really is.
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dgp
I appreciate all the answers, and thank everyone for them. I hope more people will feel like giving me more insight. Thank you, all.
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Olin Moyles Ghost
Many believing JWs have "worldly" acquaintances. I saw this quite a bit among JW men who worked for a company in the real world (as opposed to self-employed JWs or those who work for other JWs). It is not uncommon for a JW to attend certain work-related outings such as playing golf with clients or colleagues on occasion.
But it is rare in the JW world for a Witness to invite "worldly" acquaintances out to dinner without there being some sort of reason or excuse (such as it being work-related). It seemed to me that there needed to be some sort of "hook" in order to justify socializing with non-Witnesses. The two main hooks were (1) it's work-related, or (2) he/she is interested in "the truth."
Often, JWs appear "stand-off-ish" to non-JW acquaintances--such as neighbors and co-workers. I recognized this about myself when I was a believing JW. But it was a coping mechanism. If I didn't allow myself to get too close to these folks, then they would be less likely to invite me to do things with them. In retrospect, that's sort of a tough habit to overcome.