Finding Normality, Common Ground & Community

dh

Hi,

It's been a long time since I posted on here, but I find myself at a point in life where the input of others who've been through a similar experience would be nice to hear.

I'm 32 years old, was born in the JW and left when I was 18, so it's fair to say the bulk of my adult life has been spent out, but the bulk of my adult life I have been pretty much working, and I'm often told I am a 'workaholic'. I suppose now looking back in perspective, I have always kept myself very occupied with work, surface friends and surface experiences, but never really allowed anyone or anything in any deeper.

Now I look at it an identify that there are some massive barriers still up, and I have developed a person who is successful in real life in terms of whatever real life percieves as doing ok, but is deep down completely isolated from other people 'like me' if that makes sense.

I do not believe in the idea of god, or religion in general, I've always said it is just a crutch and a control mechanism, but it brings me to the thought of how I feel right now, that I have lacked for most of my life anyone to share common ground with, common views and community etc, and that most people turn to their Church for that, but for a person such as myself, there is no such place.

It doesn't make me want to go anywhere near a Church or reconsider anything but it does make me think sometimes that it would be nice to have an alternative, with real life interaction and sharing of ideas, I miss that in my life, and I think because of how I am wired and how my experience has been, it is becoming a negative thing, and is probably the beginnings of the path to implosion.

Anyways, would be interested to hear if anyone has had a similar experience.

dh

looking4peace

dh,

One idea that comes to mind is to find a "cause" that you do believe in and to reach out to meet people who believe in that same cause so you have a basis for connection. Are you fired up about the environment? Volunteer for some type of clean up effort and meet people who are also dedicated to making a difference in that area. Are you concerned about poverty? Volunteer at a homeless shelter and meet the people who work to better the circumstances of those less fortunate. There are websites that show volunteer opportunities in various locales. Look up those in your area and see if you connect with any of the ideals behind them. Reaching out to a group that is trying to make a difference in the world (apart from religion) might just give you the sense of community you are craving. That is what I am starting to do. I have connected with some women's groups and am meeting some fascinating people that share some of my concerns and ambitions.

Meetup.com is a really cool resource for starting a group or for connecting with a group that is involved in things that mean something to you. It is a networking site that connects people for social reasons based on a common interest like hiking or for causes. It's pretty cool just to browse the groups and check for meetings you might want to pop in on. For me, work doesn't always provide the resource for social relationships that are as close as I wanted, so I am still looking for ways apart from work to meet new and interesting people.

I am a new fader and have found it a very lonely process. I can't put much energy into relationships that I know are short lived once my fade is complete, so I am just now starting to build a network of associates outside the congregation. It takes some time and a lot of effort, but I am really enjoying the connections that I am making. All the best to you!

L4P

jamiebowers

Meetup.com has exjw groups too If you're anywhere near NE Ohio, give me a shout. Please check your pm's.

dh

Hi, thanks for the quick replies. I am in Johannesburg, South Africa, originally from the UK, part of my dilemma I suppose is that through my work I've ended up living in several different countries over the years, which sort of compounds things.

Pistoff

I think that for some churches are a convenient place to fulfill/express the need for community and shared goals, etc; some seem to be able to ignore the negative aspects. I couldn't do any longer as a JW, and I have family in the WT still, so belonging to another church is something I have avoided.

Wasanelder Once

The only way to have interaction is to interact, either virtually in the cyber world or with people you are personally present with in some sort of organization. If religion doesn't do it, find a hobby, politics or some other social activity that will provide interaction. Do it for the hobby and let the people come to you as you need to interact with them. No one at work? W.Once

Quandry

Now I look at it an identify that there are some massive barriers still up, and I have developed a person who is successful in real life in terms of whatever real life percieves as doing ok, but is deep down completely isolated from other people 'like me' if that makes sense.

Yes, it makes sense. I think that many of us (I know I do) have trust issues, and don't want to be hurt, rejected, or dissilutioned again.

Perhaps recognizing that you'd like to explore more is the first step. Look for groups to get involved with; maybe volunteer groups. I will do the same. I remember Barbara Streisand's song "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

I hope the best for you.