Who are Ripe for Cult Interventions? (and who should be left in cults)
Intervention vs. Exit-Counseling
An intervention is more recognized as a one-time event, whereas exit-counseling may include ongoing counseling with the person even long after the cult experience. Yet they really describe one and the same type of therapy – a professional who is extracting a victim from potential danger, and thereafter working to minimize the damage done by the cult experience. I prefer to use the phrase exit- counselor, which I will shorten to EC for brevity.
Steven Hassan, one of the world's foremost exit counselors, does not recommend that we go out and try to get family members or friends out of a cult without professional help, and I agree with that. A botched effort means you probably won’t get a second chance. More than likely, you will make the situation worse and forever alienate the person you are trying to reach. So if at all possible, find someone with a lot of experience and a good track record.
If for reasons of lack of funds, location or availability that a professional intervention may be impossible, then a good education into the process will equip you to do the most effective thing you can on your own. In my opinion, the very least you need to be equipped is a good read of Hassan’s Releasing the Bonds (you will probably only find it in the Free Minds Store due to being out of circulation). Also most necessary if you will be without professional help is our class, “Learning the Techniques of Exit-Counseling” with Steven Hassan. Steven can be reached from his website at freedomofmind.com. Other sources for intervention therapists/ exit-counselors are listed at: http://knappfamilycounseling.com/links.html#cult or call ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association) at: 239.514.3081.
There are those who are ready to get out of a high control group. They have had enough of the abuse, but fear of retaliation, loneliness or death paralyzes them. Then there are those who might be ready after some preparatory work. A few others are just better off left alone.
When to Act
How do we know when the time is ripe for an intervention? Probably the most important question to ask: Is the person in any immediate danger? Some high control groups actually cause physical harm to individuals, whether it be through sexual seduction, isolation, deprivation of protein or proper diets, or even kidnapping and being shipped away from the family. In the case of Jehovah’s Witnesses, the person may be in a medically dangerous situation and refuses life-saving help (blood transfusion). In such a case you won’t have time to do an intervention, but may be able to apply all you DO know to talk him/her out of potential death. In such cases, the family of the cult member should be very concerned as to how to get the person out of the cult as soon as possible. Action may have to proceed rather quickly to get the family together to discuss what must be done in the smoothest and most effective way.
However, most situations will not be so rushed, and the family and counselor have time to prepare. Yet the family needs to understand that the first tactic almost all high control groups use upon making a new convert is to alienate the convert from their former friends and family. They are purposely limiting all exposure of the new convert to anything negative about the religion, so as to shift their loyalty from family to a person or organization. Fear of punishment from disobedience to the groups tenets is created in the victim’s mind, as a form of thought-stopping technique. “Doubt” and “questioning” are not tolerated for long. Absolute obedience is the goal of the cult leader(s), and this goal is still attained by some cult leaders even in our modern day and age. Such a locking of the mind is only accomplished through fear. Punishments worse than death are guaranteed if the new convert stops studying with the group or if they leave the group. This fear will be nurtured and harvested in the life of the individual over a long period of time, but in the beginning, it is programmed into them very quickly, sometimes in less than a week!
In many cases, the best time for family and friends to act is at the very first awareness that your loved one is getting into a cult. Hopefully you can catch their attention and discuss it with them unemotionally without having to talk to a “blank wall,” which is what many of them appear to respond like once they are initially programmed.
For those of our loved ones who have been in the group for years, they may carefully mask symptoms of unhappiness, to avoid blaming the religion for their state of mind. So the important signs to look for are ongoing depression, anxiety over life, talking about negatives they find in the organization, withdrawal from social events, etc.
One of the biggest misunderstandings is that most people who join cults are “looking for God” objectively. The truth of the matter is that people join cults for more subjective reasons: loneliness, a sense of powerlessness, desiring power over others, eternal life, better mental health, or some other personal need or form of protection from dangers around them. Don’t be thrown off by the “religiosity” of the person. They are selfish creatures, as we all are. They want God to meet their needs, and they feel they have found those needs met in a new religion. They are probably no more “spiritual” than your house cat.
Why is this important to get through your head? Because the new convert will throw up religious reasons why they are doing things, and you will want to look behind this smokescreen and focus on the more primal reasons why they are joining the group. Arguing man-made theology is a sure dead-end to your efforts.
If you love them and really want to help them, you will find out what the cult provides them that nothing else does, and work to correct the imbalance with a more mentally healthful solution.
When Not To Take Action
The second question we should ask is, How to know when to back off for awhile?
In my personal experience as an EC, I have noticed that those closest to the new convert are often the least likely to understand WHY they are joining a high-control group. We are simply too clever at the game of hiding our real motivations towards each other. It takes a “disinterested” party to notice certain key markers.
There are a myriad of reasons people join cults. Reasons are thoughts; justification for our actions. But since we often mask our motivations through more noble “reasons,” we have to apply the real litmus test to the situation: If there was never any return on this new investment of their time and energy, would they join then?They simply would not. We humans are not by nature altruistic, magnanimous creatures. If we were, we would not tolerate the injustices and deception we would soon find in the cult. Yet cult members can be blind to the greatest of atrocities to each other and outsiders, all for the sake of the promised paradise. Or even just for the sake of bringing relief to a bad situation. Yet the “reason” given for their conversion is to “serve and obey God.” This creates the self-illusion of being more spiritual and selfless than others outside the group. In reality it makes them more self-righteous and socially intolerable.
My personal advice: Discover what the potential or new convert really needs to make them happy, and work out alternate ways for them to get it. We are, after all, simple creatures.
When To Leave Them Alone
If you have done all you reasonably can to help a person out, and they are still antagonistic to you, be at peace. Drop the guilt and sadness because it is you who are suffering and not them. Let it go, and drop the attacks and learn to love them and be at peace with them if at all possible. Miracles do happen. I’ve seen many of them in my life. Yet I was never able to predict any of them. I just knew they happened and I was blessed with them. Often it was long-term prayer that seemed to work the best. Or perhaps one day they just change and listen. Rest in the fact it is not in your control.
Randy