The funny and the laughable

by Heartbreaker 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  Heartbreaker

  Relative was reinstated recently and when asked why we weren't going to hear the announcement (about 6 family members were driving to the hall to be there when it was read, not "our" hall) we stated that one our children had cheer. The family member questioning actually said "Why is ______ in XYZ anyway, what a waste of time, unless you are going to allow XYZ all through school!!" Since it was my husband talking, he just flat ignored it completely, I one the other hand would have BLEW UP. What is the big fear with letting a child do an extra activity?? I've never understood that, unless it was just solely for the reason of keeping you from making friends, keep you separate from the "world" and give you more time for field service. It was just incredibly frustrating...they know we haven't been to meetings for a good few months, so to get all sideways about this announcement night, and then attack something my child loves, shame on them.

  THEN....I get a voicemail (from an ignored phone call) from my mother asking to have the youngest three kids this weekend, for "something fun for the kids" and since they can't fit more than 3 in thir car, they want the youngest, and this on the heels of me sending a email to state that I was remembering some damaging things from my childhood (father confirmed pedophile, but until recently it was assumed I was excluded from this) and that I needed some time and some space. Her reply was that I shouldn't let things affect my relationship with Jehovah, ruin all the hard work I've done in keeping my kids with Jehovah in their heart, and that she did the best she could. She never followed up to find out what memories there were, or if I was OK...and although I asked for space, given the history of my sisters, you'd think she'd at least clear that up before asking for my youngest children to go with her and my father alone!!!

  It's so completely unbelievable. I've ignored the voicemail up till now, and not sure how to respond. Advice?
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  QuestioningEverything

  No advice but I wouldn't let my kids go with my dad in that situation either. Best wishes.
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  Heartbreaker

  Yes, they won't be going, you can bet on that....but my parents don't "officially" know why as of yet. I am supposed to be getting up nerve to have a sit down confrontation....but the more time passes, the less I want to make myself subject to that, and let be up for debate or refutal what I feel. I really am not getting the feeling they give a shit anyway.

  My husband is of the mind that if and when I dotell them what my memories and flashes are, and my mom doesn't once and for all leave him after having been an abuser more than once before, seperate occasions, then in his eyes she is just as guilty and sick as him. Being closer to the situation, and knowing how much my mom loves my kids, I can't say I feel as strong as he does......but his reply is "well, she should have worried about caring as much for you and your sisters as she does our kids...and if she really DID care, she'd inquire what it the problem now, and not push to have them around him"

  I agree with him, but have a hard time taking such a hard and fast stance I suppose.

  Thanks for the reply question everything...love the name ;)
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  bluecanary

  I'm with your husband on this one. Your #1 priority is to protect your kids. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Work out your history in whatever way you want; get counseling, talk to your parents or ignore it and deal with it on your own. But whatever way you deal with your pain, make sure your kids are never placed in a vulnerable position. It would be better for them to have no relationship with their grandparents than to be in an abusive relationship with their grandparents.

  This may sound harsh, but I think it is sick for any woman to side with her husband over her kids. Selfish beyond belief. She can get a new husband. They can't get new parents. She can get along without a husband. They can't get along without parents. So unless you live in a society where you can be executed for leaving your husband, there is NEVER an excuse for remaining with a man who has abused your children.
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  Out at Last!

  Unfortunately, women are "commanded" to stay with these type of men and obey their headship. No matter what the accusation is, even if it is proven by their two witnesses command, many are told to stay. I don't understand how a woman can look past her motherly instinct to protect her children and stay with a man who abuses them. Even if threatened with retribution, you would think that a mother would leave the guy and look out for the best interests of her children. Sadly, many women, including my mother chooses not to.
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  jamiebowers

  Unfortunately, women are "commanded" to stay with these type of men and obey their headship. No matter what the accusation is, even if it is proven by their two witnesses command, many are told to stay. I don't understand how a woman can look past her motherly instinct to protect her children and stay with a man who abuses them. Even if threatened with retribution, you would think that a mother would leave the guy and look out for the best interests of her children. Sadly, many women, including my mother chooses not to.

  Truer words were never spoken. Heartbreaker, please listen to what OutatLast has said. He knows what he's talking about. If you let your children be alone with their pedophile grandfather, you will be perpetuating the same cycle that your mother did.