A Follow-Up Question?

by AK - Jeff 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Since starting this thread:


    I see a pattern that is interesting. So, to follow up in the middle of the night:

    Is there, or if there is, then why is there, a large percentage of Jw's who leave [or perhaps just find themselves on this forum] who are loners?

    Is the fact that many were likely loners as Jw's, to some extent, partially responsible for them having sorted it out and left the religion? If one could take a poll of 'future' xjws, would he find that more of them are someone introverted socially than the ones who stayed?

    You get the idea though my brain is to tired to make accurate conveyance at this hour. Opinions? Ideas?


  • nelly136

    suppose it depends how you define loners,

    was an only child, so i didnt have siblings for company, and was quite self sufficient in keeping myself amused.

    much as i enjoy other peoples company and enjoy socialising, i also treasure a bit of solitude.

  • quietlyleaving

    Jehovahs witnesses like to use the term "loner" in a pejorative way. In reply to them I think I'd prefer to say that loners are more likely to remain JWs because of their being provided with a set formula for interactions.

    AKjeff your definition of loners is similar to what I would describe as an independent spirit (oops that also has negative JW connotations) adventurous pioneering spirit sounds better. Such a person can set out alone but still retain a strong ability and desire to make connections, the more unusual the better. Social maladjustment, people phobia is all part of the process of adapting imo.

  • wobble

    I have never felt the need for a packed social life,though I do enjoy other peoples company.

    I think you have a point , AKJ , when I look at the Dubs I know who do socialise a lot , I think this is almost the only reason they stay in,fear of losing all those "friends", and worry about how to fill up the diary if they did leave.

    I think a hell of a lot of Dubs are this way, sad really.



  • wantstoleave

    I would say yes, in a sense, I was a loner - but made to be, not because I wanted to. I never fit 'in' with the cliques in the KH. I know cliques are found everywhere, but I was never fully accepted into any group within congregations. Yet worldly wise, I was always able to find friends, though never allowed to associate with them outside of school/work. I was not the rebellious type, so I didnt have an independant spirit. I just didnt get along that great with girls...lol. And I wasnt allowed to hang out with boys, so that was the dilemma. But it wasnt for lack of trying.

    I tried SO hard to fit in with this and that group. I did pioneer hours at one stage, in an effort to fit in with that clique, but they never took me on board. I was alright as a partner when they needed to get their hours, but not ok to hang out with after service. That led to a VERY lonely existence within 'the truth'. I had noone but my siblings, and thats no way for a child/adolescent to grow up. While I loved my siblings, teens also need that outside influence from their home life. I didnt have it, though I wanted it badly.

    I had no social life whatsoever. Id hear about congregation outings after the fact, things like that. Yet, noone had any reason not to invite me. I was doing everything right spiritually. I was a friendly person, noone disliked me....they just didnt like me enough to want to associate with me. Maybe they saw me as a threat, I dont know.

    To this day, I dont have any social life...lol. I have children to care for, and I have to work practically full time to support them. I dont have babysitters even if I did want to go out because I only have my family, and if they watch my kids during the day while I work, I dont want to burden them with babysitting them on weekends etc.

  • metatron

    I would keep in mind that large numbers of men tend to remain loners relative to women. Women tend to have more long term or lifetime friends than men.

    You get married, you work for your family and usually, that's it.


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