A non confrontational saddness

by feenx 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • feenx

    it's sad to me that while people who are still inside the org. realize there are problems, have chosen to deny and/or ignore the plainly seen holes in JW theology, still remain and state they do so because they want to be loyal, that Jehovah deserves their loyalty, and that they want their life to stand for something, for opposition against dark forces that seem to rule our world.

    This saddens me on a very deep level. I can honestly and truly say that after I came out, and after I cleaned all the rubble off myself from that decision, that I truly see the world (and please don't see that word the "world" in a JW sense) in a completely new way. Life, and this planet, the universe, possibilties, my existence here is ALL so new and exciting, refreshing and encouraging. It feels much more refreshing than the dark and dirty connotation brought by the organization's perspective. Don't get me wrong, the world in general is still a crazy and effed up place, but it's also a beautiful and growing place. I truly feel that as humans we are growing, and that's a positive thing, not a negative.

    I do honestly respect the sentiment of loyalty, but I feel this view of loyalty is skewed. And since coming out some of the things I have read really hit home the emotions I remember having while still inside the organization. Perhaps some of you felt the same, but I certainly struggled with issues of feeling like a slave to a "god", bitterness, fear, resentment, confusion, etc. towards the concept of Jehovah as presented by the organization.

    I had also noticed that many people, even after their exodus from the WTBS, still held a reverence and almost continual guilt towards Jehovah, almost as if they'd betrayed him. Now, I will be the first to admit that I have my moments where my childhood and 21 years of being raised inside the organization rears it's ugly little head, and I have to consciously correct myself. However, never in those moments do I feel a sense of betrayal or lack of loyalty to Jehovah.

    And in my own reading when I come across things that mirror my sentiments, it is quite comforting to know that I was not the only one who felt this way. E.g. in The Gospel of Adam, which was found near the dead sea scrolls and is now part of what is referred to as the Nag Hammadi Library, and it said that they served him because they feared him. It had a COMPLETELY different take on this entity (Jehovah) and how they felt about everything. Reading that really made me sad, but also relieved, to know that I was not the only one with similar feelings. It was like alllllllllllllllllll those times growing up when you'd be in distress about something, and the answer was inevitably always to read the bible because people in the bible felt the same way as you, blah blah blah. Well I personally never got any relief from anything in the bible. I have had far much more respect for old texts I've read that are not included in the NWT canon.

    I realize I am rambling a bit, and I apologize.

    All I meant to say is that while I respect and understand people's standpoint of loyalty, and even though things within the organization are messed up, they choose to stay because they feel it is a sense of remaining loyal to Jehovah and that's simply the one and only way to do this, I am deeply saddened for this shut down state of thought and emotion, in a sense, hopelessness, that despite any situations they will stay until the bitter end. To me, regardless of what one thinks happens or does not after this life right now, it sure is a sad, lonely and loss of the happiness and joys in THIS life, right NOW.

    So while I respect it and understand we all make our own decisions, I feel a sense of loss for those who make that decision, simply based on the truly happy emotions and discoveries of life I have made, since I stopped letting myself think like this group of people told me I "should."

    NO ONE has the right to tell another human being how they should THINK.

  • leavingwt

    Interesting post.

    I'm sure you probably already know this, but this 'loyalty' they have is par for the course among victims of mind control.

    It's blind loyalty. The Bible has never once changed and their life-or-death doctrines (including what is or isn't a disfellowshipping offense) changes all the time. They will allow family members to die, by refusing them lifesaving blood treatment.

    If you haven't read Steve Hassan's books, please do so. Once you read them, the actions of most JWs are easy to predict and easy to understand. It will still be heartbreaking and a crying shame, but you'll understand exactly what's going on. They are controlled through guilt and fear. They police themselves and each other. They isolate themselves in their own social bubble, describing everything external to the group as "Satanic". It's a black and white worldview, in which their very life is at stake. Should they choose to think for themselves on even the most insignificant matters, this would be an act of disloyalty, eventually leading to their shame and death.

  • jamiebowers

    What a beautiful post...non confrontational saddness is probably one of the most eloquent expressions I've ever heard! To add to leavingwt's thought; please keep in mind that jws frequently confuse God with the organization. If that one concept could be broken, it wold be a lot easier for people to escape the Watchtower cult.

  • AGuest

    May you have peace!

    I am sure many share your sadness. I know I certainly do. I am not so sure, however, that loyalty is the reason, so much as fear [due to great uncertainty]. Fear of the unknown. If you have been taught... and now believe... that God IS nothing more than a god exacting horrible vengeance... and you have had the event of Armageddon drummed into your brain and heart... then most likely what is stopping you from leaving... even though you know something's not "right"... is your fear of being destroyed at Armageddon. No less daunting than the doctrine of "hellfire"... the Armageddon imminence ploy is exactly the same thing... and a very powerful "tool." Unkind, unloving, unmerciful, false, and wicked... but powerful. And yet another proof of their hypocrisy, for they teach the very same thing(s) as those they condemn (i.e., do it our way or risk being painfully burned to a crisp).

    Perhaps you can find a way to let your sadness compel you to pray that these wake up... and get out. In order to end the current "burning" that they are most certainly undergoing, if for nothing more.

    I bid you the greatest of peace.

    A slave of Christ,


  • wobble

    If you can only break through the mind-set that it is God's Organization,then they will not stay.

    The problem is to get them to reason and to examine the claims.

    I have asked a number of long serving Elders to prove to me that it is God's Organization, none has ever come back to me, but they still stay in. WTF ?

    I had one Bro try to say the old "But we do the World-wide preaching" So I said "Yes but you are preaching that you are God's Org. if you are not then what you preach is a lie, so FIRST you must prove it is Gods Org, then we can look at your preaching."

    He did not come back to me either, despite saying he would.

    If we could get it into their mind-controlled heads that Almighty God has nothing to do with the WBT$/JW's we would have a chance, why be loyal to a bunch of old farts who run a publishing company for their benefit,not yours ?



  • straightshooter

    Thanks for your post. Some I think are loyal because they don't know where to go otherwise. For example, when you are taught and sincerely believe that hellfire is not real, then where can you go when you find that the WTS is wrong in other areas?

  • AGuest

    May you have peace!

    This is a dilemma for them, isn't it? Unfortunately, many, not only in this organization but others, too, have a problem deciding where to go if/when they leave their religion. What they're missing is that there is NO "where" to go away to... but only a WHOM: John 6:68. When they realize this, as well as the fact that they also already have a Leader... and a Helper... some of the fear (resulting from the fear of being "lost") will dissipate. One only needs to stop following that Golden Calf... separate themselves, step OUT of her... and QUIT "touching the uncleanthing" that they will be FREE... to follow that One. 2 Corinthians 6:17, 18

    May any of those here who are still in her, but have ears to hear... hear... and get the SENSE of it. And get OUT of her.

    A slave of Christ,


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