by iknowall558 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • iknowall558

    This is not a thread to gain sympathy. My life has changed dramatically over the weekend. My husband (Hoboken) has just left me and my two boys.

    I'm not going to divulge all the details, but needless to say things are very tough emotionally for all of us. I have some really close friends who have stepped in immediately and rallied round me and the boys and given their unconditional support emotionally and physically. I've been swamped by their kindness and selflessness. There have been people helping me out who hardly even know me, and I've been overwhelmed by this.

    Yesterday, though, I made my Mother in Law one of my first port of calls to deliver the bad news. She is still an active JW along with her husband and other son and his wife. Most people will know about our exit through the recordings Hobo has put up on line.

    It was all very emotional, and I had my eldest son with me, who refuses to go back to school until his dad comes back. My MIL was upset and told us that she loved us and cant believe that this happening. She said she once had a conversation with Matt, and emphasised to him that the only thing that really matters in life above everything else is ..........Family!

    Well, I pulled myself together quickly and used this opportunity to pull her up on it. I asked why then, if this is the case and this is what she believes, does she have nothing to do with her own son (Matt). I told her that Matt has been extremely hurt and disappointed in her treatment of him. She knows all the reasons why we left and said at the time that she understood why we were leaving and could see our point. She also told us that she can make up her own mind about things and that she wouldn't ever cut Matt and I off or even shun us.

    However, I reminded her that, as the weeks have gone on she has become more and more distant. She never phones or texts, never asks how we are and has reduced any contact with me to a 30second picking up and dropping off of our boys on Friday afternoon. She will barely step inside our house and NEVER asks about Matthew and how he is doing.

    I told her that the 'shunning' practice disgusts me, and not to say to me that she loves us as it means nothing when her actions are clearly speaking much louder than her words. I told her I was angry with her and disappointed as the only reason she is doing it is because someone else has told her to. I said to her....."I am the same as you, I am a mother of two boys the same way as you are. I love my boys so much, and I always saw you as being the same. I know what Matthew and Paul have always meant to you and yet, as a mother myself, I cannot for the life of me understand how you can concientiously decide to have nothing to do with him. I could NEVER do this to any of my boys and cant understand how you can.

    I also reminded her of a young sister who died suddenly just over a year ago. I said to her that none of us know what the next day will bring and that basically she should be making the most of her time with her son, especially if we are all going to die 'soon' at Armageddon.

    She didn't say much, I think I took her unawares, considering the reason why I came up in the first place. The only thing she could say was,...."Well they did it in the fist century". I said........."But Jesus never shunned anyone".

    Anyway, we got up to leave and she hugged my son and I and got upset again. Then said,......"I'm going on Holiday on Friday so I wont be here for two weeks."

    Ok! There's nothing wrong with that as she's had it booked for weeks, but since I left her house my phone has been filled to bursting with text messages from everyone offering me some encouragement and words of kindness. Passwordprotected and his wife have just stepped in immediately and are helping no end with things. I have been given financial support from people who dont even know me, but just want to help. PP and the members of the church they go to, have told me they are going to pay for a new carpet for my hallway to help me get my house finished. I have been in floods of tears with the love that's been showered on me and my two boys.

    My MIL hasn't even texted me once in 24hours to see if Im ok, if I need company, money, or just someone to talk to. She told me yesterday that I was like a daughter to her. I wonder what mothers would do when their daughter is facing a very hard experience like this. She's no where to be seen!!!!

    All I want to say from all of this is, that real Christian love is displayed through actions and how we treat other people. No-one who has helped me so far has needed prompting. My MIL and other JW relatives would all have possession of this information within 5mins of me leaving my MIL house and not one of these TRUE CHRISTIANS with REAL LOVE have even sent as much as a one liner text.

    Family isn't all that matters to them. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY AND NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES THE RULES OF THE WT WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST. So Nan, You lied to Matthew when you said what you did to him.

    To all my real friends..............Thank you so much !!!! x x

  • iknowall558
  • lisavegas420

    I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I'm glad you do have people to rally around you with love.

    This too shall pass.

    Sending you much love and support and encourgement.


  • insearchoftruth

    You are in my thoughts, also glad you have folks around you who can support you and provide encouragement!

  • WingCommander

    When my JW parents and Grandmother died (all within the span of 8 years) no one from the Kingdom Hall visisted, called, or even sent me a card. Each time it happened was even more of a wake-up call to my consciousness. It was like, "Gee, I really am NOTHING to these people, and apparently my family wasn't anything either." This lack of true HUMAN (not just Christian) love was one of the things that really helped to open my eyes to their abussive treatment. So, if they are like this when people are sick or when they die, what makes you think they are going to call or help just because your husband left? Remember, its drilled into their heads that, "Jehovah will provide......." so they just go knocking on doors....to hell with the other congregation members.

    I'm sorry to hear of your ordeal...things like this are never easy. Who knows? Maybe he will have a change of heart and come back; I would at least encourage marriage counseling.

    - Wing Commander

Share this