why...for you or me is it so hard to move on?...i know not all have this prob

by oompa 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • oompa

    funny how i really miss my friends....i grew up with them......now i have new friends.....just a few.......but i miss my old friends........i sooo hate how if you happen to change you mind on something....have your own opinion....... you are so kicked to the curb........oompa

  • Olin Moyles Ghost
    Olin Moyles Ghost

    Oompa: For folks like you who have invested decades of their lives in the organization, it's not the least bit surprising that it's hard to move on. If your long-time friends suddenly abandon you, how could you not feel hurt?

    Of course, they're probably hurt and confused too. They probably blame you for "turning your back on Jehovah" or something similar. I know that I had those feelings years ago when, as a believing JW, some people close to me left the organization. These individuals didn't leave because of doctrinal issues. Rather, they were DF'd for "immorality" and were enjoying their "worldly lifestyle" and not making an effort to get reinstated. I recall telling one of these folks that it hurt me that he was choosing this lifestyle over our friendship.

    Have you reached out to your JW friends in a social way? If not, perhaps they think that you've abandoned them? Who knows, if you reach out to them you might be pleasantly surprised.

    Of course, this is all assuming that you want to hang onto your JW relationships. As is well-documented on this site, maintaining relationships with JWs can make it more difficult to fade (if you don't keep your mouth shut, you could end up in a committee). But if you want to try to keep these relationships, perhaps you should be pro-active.

  • wobble

    I know what you mean Oomps,

    Last night (Saturday) my old congo (which is now two congos) came together to say goodbye to a family who have been in my area almost as long as we have,we, of course were not invited.

    We have a great affection for this family,we were in their group,so met at their house for years.

    It is hard to realise that they have dropped us like the hot potatoe we are,but we have to make new friends, and move on,their friendship was shallow and conditional.

    Sad but part of life as an ex-JW. I think we have to force ourselves to move on,and make our life as happy as possible,otherwise the bastards in Brooklyn have won, don't they crow "There is nothing outside" "Where will you go?" We need to win out against the cult-speak by living happy,fulfilled lives.

    Good luck to you and yours,



  • gubberningbody

    There are mental exercises which you can perform. These people have something that belongs to you - your history, the memory of your life. You can choose to retain the memories and excise the emotions associated with them (which would leave a hole). Or you can mentally take all of them into your mind as if you have created a little shadow-box world for them to live in. In this place, they will always look the same, act the same, and do all the same things that they have always said and done. You can enter into this shadow-box world and interact with them, but in this world, you are the controlling force - you control whether they continue or are excised out of the box. They will become little stuffed animals which you can place about in your head and talk to any time you wish.

    I'm sure everyone does something like this.

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