I went back and re-read all your post. I hope that you are able to reach that point in your life when you are able to move on. In someway i guess it is good that you at least now have the freedom to say what is on your heart and mind, while i may not agree with all of your positions on issues at least you now have the freedom to say what you think
I wish you well in your journey and trust me if you continue on the path that you are on you will be just fine- All the emotions, and points that you have raised, many of us have either raised them or been concerned about them as well.
So like i mentioned before Hang tight and things will fall in place-
as they say time can indeed heal alot to things.
take care
James