It probably all began woth having no Father or male influence during childhood to tell me how well I was doing. As a youngster the most unpleasant task involved knocking as a JW on doors of people who didn't want you there and being told I was not welcome.
It went farther than that. Before conversion, Mother had grown up as a Salvation Army disciplinarian and most everything I did was wrong or unhealthy according to her. I grew to believe I was inferior. Although I had talent in music and journalism to pursue such would be rejected by Jehovah.
I grew tired of confrontation and correction and gave up on life in my early twenties. I rufused to compete for anything ... jobs, girls, or power. The fear of rejection was agreater risk than the possible reward of accomplishment. I continue to this day with low self esteem and the need to flee from confrontation. Even when others are actually trying to give aid, I interpret it as degrading counsel.Oh how I wish i could ignor my critics and mark them of as my equal rendering a simple point of view. But I am oversensetive. Is my phobia rare or do others have similar fears?