DFd but still a JW

bibledike

My mom is DF about a year before i was DA. You would think that this is a great time for us to bond and really get to know each other. WRONG the woman is still as much as a JDUB before she was DF. You would think they actually cared about her in the cong when all they did was talked about her like a dog. My brother is a fader although he probably wouldn't admit to it but he still won't cuss in front of me or admit to actually having safe sex. Is it just me or does this religion have an unsually hold on people. Its like cigarrettes honestly you can put them down and walk away if you have a strong will power but it much too easier to pick them back up regardless of how they make you feel. I smoke so I know. Thinking about it this religion scares me even though Im fully out and never going back. Is there anyone else with family or friends that are DF, DA and still a J Dub?

fokyc

YES! I have a very good friend who IS Disfellowshipped,

she puts in more time on the ministry now than when she was a real JW.

She places more literature than most pioneers.

Who counts the time and the mags and books, I have no idea.

fokyc

Black Sheep

Unfortunately, being DF/DA doesn't make you a non-believer and saying anything that IDs you as a non-believer, or, God forbid, an APOSTATE can kick in all of the same reactions you get from a bonified trooooooooooo believer.

So....

You are just going to have to tip toe around her like she is surrounded by broken glass until her independent brain kicks in.

You can help, but be careful. You can't help if she won't let you in the door.

Be patient.

Cheers

Chris

bibledike

fokyc - still placing mags now that is scarry maybe they should see someone.

freedomisntfree

This happens so much and its really said becuase thoose people are often happy to marginalize themselves by lurking around the sidelines of congrecations hoping some1 will throw them a bone instead of moving on with their lives.My brother was diffed for 9 years but he believed the whole time and let it torture him and now hes reinstated and just as mentally unstable as ever if not more.Its a sad state of affairs.

jamiebowers

Was your mom df'd for something most people even outside of the jws would view as a sin? I'm asking, NOT FOR AN ANSWER, but for you to think about. If that is the case, she's not only caught up in the mind control of the cult, but also feeling guilty.

bibledike

The guilt trip is unbearable for her. My grandmother who is a Jdub and my aunt that faded both apologize to her for something that involves the watchtower society. The Wathtower has gave our families so much grief its sad. I seriously think the BTS should be under investagations because of the mental hurt and instability it causes not to mention the fact that WBTS doesnt contributed to the government as a whole.

JWdaughter

My aunt has been DF'd since before I was DA'd=about 30 years ago. She has FINALLY been able to quit smoking and got rid of the drug habit she got into whilst she was in the borg and NOW the woman wants to go back and is going to be reinstated. No one will talk to her at the hall. She will talk to me(now), but I am figuring that will be over once she is reinstated or before that as she tries to be worthy of her association.

She destroyed her family before-and this is another bump she is putting in the road of her newfound communication with her kids. No holidays. She wouldn't have a family picnic on her birthday(it was one weekend this summer not taken over by other events) because someone might remember it was her birthday and celebrate it! Her grandkids just think she is kind of weird. Her daughters love her but are wary of this woman who has really hurt them their whole lives.

She never stopped believing the crap. Just didn't think she could 'do' it right. She has been drug free for 15 years now-but it took her another 15 to quit smoking. I don't know why she was waiting anxiously to rejoin. It was the beginning of the end of her family.

bibledike

I'm sorry to hear that JWdaughter, but I am glad she is drug free. Maybe if she join a AA group or something like that so she can have some association with people that understands her. One thing I know about JDubs that act like they know but as soon as your front door shuts your alone.

Alana

Last year I found someone from one of my old congregations on FaceBook. I know she was DF'd (I am just a fader-10+ years now) and I contacted her. She was very glad to hear from me and we chatted online daily. This was her 2nd time being DF'd. She is bi-polar and said her DF'd because she couldn't stop "fornicating". But she said she was going back to meetings, as her kids wished for her to come back and her daughter was going to get married (but not now), so I assumed she was just wanting to be back in for the wedding and her family, so I said something and within my comment I said something to the effect of "..going back to the JWs.." She promptly corrected me, in that she never really left, nor wants to leave, the JWs....she just has problems that lead to lack of self-control. She went on and on how it was the "truth" and never wants to not be a JW. Boy, I had not seen that coming, with the stories I knew about her. I had already mentioned something about me not ever going back and that I found that the WTS had lied many times. She found out that I smoked. So, suddenly she felt "uncomfortable" getting into any deep conversations with me about my personal life. She was reinstated and said that she would leave me as a friend, unless she got "pressure" to dump be as bad association. Well, she dumped me, and others at that congregation who previously had open FaceBook pages (which I had mentioned to her that I liked to go to to see updated pics, etc.) suddenly set their pages to private. Guess I must be evil incarnate...... :-/

~Alana

DFd but still a JW

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