When shunning "comes naturally"

by Mickey mouse 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mickey mouse
  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Something C.T Russell said (not the C.T Russell but the member here) prompted me to start this thread:

    I first joined this forum because I noticed that I had a social problem. After years of shunning people it’s far too easy for me to just cut people out of my life. I have no problem in approaching people and making contact. But when a relationship has a chance to go deeper than just incidental contact I always find an excuse to back out, consciously or not.

    This is something I have noticed is common amongst Jehovah's Witnesses. When you are raised in the organization, you grow up with the knowledge that even those closest to you could be lost to you overnight; not just in the way a regular person may lose someone in death but by congregation mandate. This creates an outlook whereby minor differences can be overblown due to the inherent legalistic mindset and "shunning" even in these circumstances comes easier.

    I know a few examples personally of physical brothers and sisters or parents and children who haven't spoken for years or decades, not because one has been disfellowshipped or disassociated but because of a petty difference combined with the superficial nature of the relationship. Subconsciously one or bother parties have always kept each other "at arms length" emotionally; I suspect this is a common defence mechanism when people are live in a totalitarian system.

    P.S: Sorry about the mess I made of starting this thread, it wouldn't let me edit the original post.

  • I quit!
    I quit!

    I think the shunning has a lot to do with it but there are a lot of other factors that make a lot of jws and xjw socially inept. For one thing jws live in a war zone mentality. Us against them. Agree with me and my religion or God is going to kill you....real soon. Also there are so many things they can't do that make them stand out and become defensive. There are just so many things about being in the Watchtower that make it hard for someone to function socially.

  • WTWizard

    I find it unpleasant to be around people that continually order me to believe what is not correct and can be easily proven errant, or things that make absolutely no sense at all. Any group that expects me to take on projects that I am not interested in, donate toward their Kingdumb Hell and keep shoving a slip in my face after I had left one at home and refused to commit in front of them, that wants me to just meet other men, that wants me to use my knowledge in one field in something totally irrelevant, and that still expects me to love that Almighty Lowlife Scumbag is extremely unpleasant to be around.

    Hence, it is nothing for me to simply blow them off.

  • JWdaughter

    Ugh, my husband starts a sentence with "You have to agree that. . . ." and I am disagreeing with him in principle already:)

    I think the OP had this right. JWs are pretty much 'easy come, easy go' with their friendships. I find that I have a hard time maintaining friendships. It makes me sad, cause I am in need of a close friend. My husband's family is so close that he doesn't really see the need for outside friendships-we never do anything socially other than with his family. So I am screwed from my original upbringing and the family I married into. I love them, but come on!

Share this