Prayers welcome but not neccessary

by sweetone2377 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  sweetone2377

  Today I am leaving for KY, where my JW mother and step father reside. Sometime during this hectic week, we are having a little meeting of our own with them. You see, my mother has repeatedly disregarded my wishes and have snuck my children to meetings (ages 2, & 3), taken them out in service, put them in direct contact with a paticular elder that we expressed several times that the kids were to be no where around, etc etc. We have allowed her to take our children for extended week long visits. They so much love being at her home, there is lots to do there. But just after Thanksgiving, the children returned with literature in their suitcases. So now, the subject of our little meeting is, "my way and no way." In other words, no more extended visits, no more unsupervised visits, we're doing it completely and totally my way, which basically is no way. To have had her stand in my home, disown me and spit on my husband (my mother is hepatis B, so that, in a way, was a death threat) was nearly more than I could bare. But I felt it important not to rip my children from her, seeing the damage it has done me and my sister by her stripping us of any relationship possiblities with our father. But now I am forced to firmly set my foot down and trip her with it. My children have told my husband and I that we are bad because we do not go to the KH. So now, my mother has slit her own throat and it's costing her a relationship with her grandchildren.

  Shelly
  Former victim and recovering wonderfully from a broken spirit
  Smile, because we all have been freed from slavery!!
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  Skeptic

  My sister will not allow her children to visit JW relatives alone. And she especially will not allow them to stay a weekend.

  Why? Because staying a weekend at my JW sister's place twice resulted in two relatives becoming JWs. No not instant conversion but the seeds firmly planted enough that they took hold.

  Some cults can convert you in three days.

  I would not recommend visits to your mother's house without you there personally. Unless you don't mind if your children become JWs.

  My personal view on shunning? Any relative that will shun me is a destructive influence and I will not allow my children to visit them. Period. Fortunately, my brother is the only one who shuns me, and due to geography I can't visit him anyway.

  JWs are trained to make conversion under any kind of restriction. You can put all kinds of restrictions on my relatives and they will still convert others. "Isn't that a pretty flower? God must be loving to make such a pretty flower?" And so it starts.

  Your mother can simply do this, if she is aggresive: "Satan has fooled your mommy and daddy. Satan does not want you to have eternal life. The Bible here in Timothy shows we will be persecuted for learning about Jehovah. So let's go to the meetings and field service, but don't tell mommy, OK? We should please Jehovah, not men."

  You get the drift.

  I know you mean well for your kids. But I would not let them have extended visits with a relative that is rabid enough to shun you. You are telling your kids that shunning people is OK. After all, grandma does it and mommy thinks that is OK.

  My son's grandma is a devote JW, but she is balanced enough that she trys not to shun where she can. He visits her without my supervision.

  Richard
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  JBean

  I will be thinking of you. What you are about to do is a large step but indeed sounds like it needs to be done. Be strong and know that love and truth are on YOUR side. Please write back and tell us how everything went. Love & peace... Jbean
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  ashitaka

  The other two are right, sweets...get them away before they start thinking you are Satan. Sicker things have happened.

  ashi
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  mommy

  Sweetone,
  Good luck! I recently moved back to my hometown in August of this year. My children are already showing signs of brainwashing. But unlike what Skeptic said, showing the good that god made, they are showing fear and guilt already. Jehovah thinks it is wrong, bad, not to go to meetings. Jehovah says everyone will die if we don't go to the kingdom hall. My children very rarely go to my mom's house alone. She has only had them alone a few nights, when my other sister's could not watch them. A short time indeed to instill such thoughts.

  My other sister has a 4 and 5 year old, and they spend alot of time at grammas, and attend the meetings as well. They are worse then my children, and openly tell their father(an ex jw) he is going to die, and Jehovah hates him.

  I strongly suggest, that you curb any alone time they have. I hate to say keep them away altogether, because as you pointed out they have fun there and need to know their grandparents. But these are your children, and I assure you if you don't take control, they will be mentally taken from you.

  Good Luck! You will need it. BTW remember how easily it is for them to cut off their loved ones. They may show all of this love for their grandkids now. But if down the road when your kids grow up and aren't in the "cute" phase anymore, decide they will not be JW's. They may cut them off as well. Can you imagine the pain your kids will go through then?
  wendy

  When I leave, you will know I have been here
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  sweetone2377

  Thank you all for your kind words and insight. We have not left home as of yet, but hope to so within a couple hours (we had the car tuned up and such). I am not sure just when the big day will come, we have 5 hours to discuss this and come to an ultimate decision on that. But we have already concluded that the children are to have no contact whatsoever with my mother without OUR prescense. It is a drastic step that I wish didn't have to be taken. But, she (my mother) has pushed us to it. We are planning to stay with my grandmother (never been a JW, but I think she is softening up to the idea). She will take it rather hard, as she does not completely understand the importance of the situation and our stand as the parents. We are not sure if we should do it before we unload the car (so we won't have to load it again right away to leave if things become to uncomfortable and cooling off is required for all of us), or if we should wait untill just before we leave.

  I will return and post the event and let all know how it went.

  Once again, thank you.

  Shelly
  Former victim and recovering wonderfully from a broken spirit
  Smile, because we all have been freed from slavery!!
• 

  sadiejive

  I'm new...so you don't know me...hope that doesn't matter, though. I'd still like to give you a little encouragement.

  This is a tough situation and something I've had to do with my mom more than once...confrontation. And I hated it because I was, like you, afraid of severing ties between my mom and my children. I have two kids too...5 and 3. Your's and my situations are different but the underlying issues are still the same...who is the mother of your children??? Who decides what they can and can't do??? Who is responsible for them???

  Stand your ground!!! Don't slam the door in your mom's face, though. Leave it open. You don't want to be the bad guy. Be sure to make every effort, without giving too much, to compromise with her. Perhaps she can visit them at your house (which is what my mom has to do now). Be kind and loving BUT firm.

  I wish you the best of luck!!!! Just remember...what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger...LOL...don't we all wish that was really true Oh well, let the statement be of some comfort to you anyhow...even if it is cliche' and sometimes not very true.

  sadie
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  Rex B13

  Skeptic,

  >Your mother can simply do this, if she is aggresive: "Satan has fooled your mommy and daddy. Satan does not want you to have eternal life. The Bible here in Timothy shows we will be persecuted for learning about Jehovah. So let's go to the meetings and field service, but don't tell mommy, OK? We should please Jehovah, not men."
  You get the drift.

  That was my grandmother to all of us children, my family and my cousins. Only those in my family are the ones who fell for this completely. Oddly enough, my cousins are all as dysfunctional as we are and I blame that on theinfluence of Watchtowerism. They are so ingrained with this that very few of them can attend any church without supreme guilt trips.
  Regardless of whether or not one believes in God, to be prevented from even examining alternatives is tragic. They are lost and drifting through life, they cannot be openly agnostic nor openly believing.
  I thank God that we raised our sons with a secular view, open to ideas Catholic and Protestant and to science as well.
  Rex
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  Eyebrow

  I think the suggestion that your mom visit you at your home is a great idea. They are really not old enough to be left alone with her if she is going to continue to talk to them about religion when you have asked her not too.

  My mother very rarely let me sleep over my grandma's house on weekends because she went to church every Sunday. One Sunday I went to the church including the Sunday school. My mom was not too happy...until I told her that I kept raising questions about what they were teaching hahah. I was a devote little kid.

  My sister told me a little story a few months ago. Her husband (nonJW) had asked their 2 year old daughter if she wanted to have a birthday cake. She was in her no stage, so of course yelled "NO!" Her dad laughed and said "Why not?" Then his 6 year old son piped up and said "Maybe she wants to obey Jehovah." My sister thought this was great. I probably would have 4 or 5 years ago too. Now, though, I think it is just sad that this religion is starting to put a wall up between a parent and his kids. It may be a little thing, but it will grow over time.

  I hope your mother comes around to respect your wishes. It is a shame that her loyalty to the borg is greater than her love for her family.