Cognitive Dissonance

by mindmelda 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  mindmelda

  I just got off the phone with my mom and during our conversation (which was good, actually, mostly personal, family stuff), I got a big hint of the cognitive dissonance that Witnesses often operate under. You have to understand, my parents live in an area that is about 75% LDS, or Mormon.

  She was mentioning a young lady my aunt is studying with, and she said the following. "She has a boyfriend, and your aunt met him. He's not the usual Mormon guy, very nice and didn't think he OWNS women or that they're not equal to men."

  I just about choked on the soda I was drinking. My mother actually believes that JW men are not taught that same thing!!??

  She was always big on Women's Rights and Civil Rights before becoming a Witness, was part of all that in the 60s. Can it be that she just ignores the parts that don't work for her and always has?

  I started noticing that it's not uncommon among Witnesses, though,when I stepped a bit outside of it. They just ignore the bits of it that aren't personally appealing, but as long as you parrot the words publicly, no one cares that much, except maybe if one of the elders decides to get up in your personal life for some reason, then everything is subject to scrutiny.

  Because last year, I remember an elder's wife saying to me (trying to love bomb me back into meeting attendance) that: "Well, our husbands DO own us, according to the Bible, you can't get around headship...but it's a loving arrangement, of course."

  This said after I mentioned how repugnant the LDS church viewing men as "owning" women was to me.
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  lurk3r

  Hi again mindmelda...Not be contradictory in any way, is there a possibility that perhaps your mom feels that most Mormon guys act like they own their women, and may not have been referring to the Dubs? When I initially read that sentence, I interpreted it that way...just curious.

  That said with the understanding that it is YOUR Mom and not mine..lol

  lurk3r
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  mindmelda

  That's just the point. :) She thinks only Mormons act that way because they don't have "The Truth". My mom has never really practiced the headship thing, you see. She was baptized in 1973 and I can't remember her EVER being submissive, not like the Watchtower says wives should be to husbands.

  She just ignores it and always has. She doesn't submit to my dad in any way shape or form and pretty much has pretty openly "ruled the roost", just as she did before she became a JW.

  But, she seems not to believe that the Witnesses even teach that...she just glides right over it and always has. She also doesn't believe one has do to field service (she hasn't gone door to door FS in over a decade), but thinks she is a very good JW. She does get in time doing what she likes, writing a few letters. She likes to write letters so will do that.

  I know other Witnesses who are the same, just pick out the bits they like and because they don't out and out fight with the elders over it, they just glide along. Of course, there are other Witnesses in her congregation who think she is not a "good" Witness, but she pretty much ignores them.

  It makes me wonder if there are people like this in most congregations?
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  boyzone

  I like your mum mindmelda, she sounds like she's not prepared to goosestep along with the rest of the Nazis.