It's been six months since my fade - other than a couple of calls from the elders concerned about my meeting attendance, I have been pretty much left alone.
Freedom from the organization has given me peace of mind - I don't worry about being ignored by "the friends", I don't have to fake my hours and I don't have to rush to get to the service meeting minutes after getting home from work.
According to JW lore, I should be weeping and gnashing my teeth but I am feeling better by the day. I still believe in God, still identify with Christianity and am still looking for answers to life's questions. I don't pretend to have the answers but I have the freedom to look for them.
I went out for a hike this past weekend. It was cold but it felt good to breathe in the fresh air. The sun was shining. I felt like I was healing mentally.
I thought of my early years in the truth, the struggle to get baptized, the lack of friends, trying to fit in and make all the meetings, believing that I was never going to grow old in this system of things and at the end of it all - here I am, having spent 31 years in the organization.
Having recently watched The Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian I was reminded of the words, "everything you know is about to change"
and change it did...I feel like I'm starting my life all over again; kind of like a rebirth. Starting from scratch. Learning social skills. Making friends. It's not easy at 31.
The typical friend making years are generally at school and college - it's harder for me to meet new people and reach out, but I know I have to do it if I am to grow as a person.
Discovery is a wonderful process and for me it's just beginning.
Raise your glasses high and make a toast to freedom.