Hubby's been sent an invite to see the elders at the hall - my fault!

by dobbie 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • dobbie

    I posted the other day about being called on when i'm d'ad and that the elder refused to leave when i asked as i am not the head of the house! So i wrote a letter saying what had happened and not to call again or i'd seek further action, i also got hubby (as head of the house lol) to sign it and sent a copy to the main branch as well.

    We got a very polite reply this week saying that of course they'd 'respect' my wishes but wish to ascertain if hubby still wants to be a jw and have sent him an 'invitation' to join them one night next week!Otherwise he can send in a d'a letter if he wishes!

    So far he's done nothing about it though i have talked him out of going, but if he doesn't send the letter or turn up will they automatically take that as him d'aing himself?Just wondering if any ex elders here know as i think i ought to warn him in advance. I feel a bit bad as if i hadn't got him to sign the letter they wouldn'tbe chasing him now (on the other hand i admit it would be good for him to leave and let us get on with our lives!)

  • Octarine Prince
    Octarine Prince

    Don't feel too bad: they would have involved him eventually.

  • yknot

    Depending on the BOE..... they could use the signed letter & refusal to meet as indication of DAing.

    I think at this point, your husband needs to make a decision, free of either their or your influence.

    I am not sure if you meant too....but your husband appears in your posts to be very non-confrontational and unwilling to set up personal boundaries. He didn't stand up for you and tell Daddy-O to back down and not speak disrespectfully, then you also 'got him' to sign and now have "talked him out of going". Not a lot of self induced action on his part...... He seems to be in stuck in the middle, and not a rock the boat type.

    To kill two birds with one stone..... he could go to the meeting, plead weakness (because he appears very much so in your posts), overwhelming feeling of being stuck in the middle between marriage and family, and is unsure of himself or what he feels and believes in the midst of this family situation.... or request more time.

    Perhaps he should log-on to JWS and explore his own stance with others outside of you and his family.

    Ultimately it is his decision alone.

    Not trying to be harsh and isn't meant to be offensive, only an observation based on postings.... Yknot.

  • DocBob

    Feel free to use my legal letter - see Letter 2 on my website at

  • jamiebowers

    Doc Bob said: Feel free to use my legal letter - see Letter 2 on my website at

    And that's exactly what I was thinking. You guys CAN have it both ways; your husband doesn't have to make anything official, but the hounders will finally leave you alone. And that's how it should be.

  • yknot

    That is a great letter!

  • dobbie

    Docbob that letter is brilliant, have saved it to show hubby.

    Yknot i'm not offended at all you only state all the things i know already. Though when i said 'got him' to sign the letter i meant asked him i did'nt use any pressure but its true he hates me getting upset by it all and his

    He actually ignored his step father this morning who tried to speak, and it was me who got upset about it i just want them to have a normal family relationship-tho they never did- likei have with my non jw family, ifeel immense guilt for leaving it and knowing that if he leaves his family will blameit on me.He won't go and see his mother as she treats him as marked and won'tphone himor anything unless its an emergency.

    He is non confrontational and he is i think just not going to turn up tho hes working now anyway that night.When my son was thought to be dying his mothersaid she would'nt visit as the half hr drive was too far, but she drives further for the assembly up the road from the hospital. When he was born v early and again it looked like he would'nt pull through she was at an assembly and stayed forthe whole 3 days, there was no thought of being there to help her son.Personally i think he should tell her all this but hes scared of her and a very nice person so hates upsetting others. This is why he wants nothing to do with it and for how i am treated but i am trying to see how to help him. He never was one for making decisions!

    Thanks for your comments i will show the letter to hubby when he comes in.

Share this