My kids are all up north visiting family and are staying with JWs there who are closer to my kids than some of their own relatives. My kids are in fact named after them. So I get a text yesterday from my daughter that says "guess who is here!" and Im like ok...who? "A.D!!" I hesitated for a second...my heart beating faster.... "My KONA???" I wrote. She was like your what?? "I said thats her nick name." "Yes she's here! its her! We havent seen her in over 9 years!" Kona and her husband and my husband and I were inseparable and got married close together, had our kids at the same time, took vacations together, saw each other like 6 times a week..you know how is it. Or....was.
And I was soooooo sad at that moment, like couldnt even breathe sad. And there was this jealousy that they all still get to see each other and talk and laugh...and Im on the outside now, the villain. And I wonder what is said about me, and to my kids about me and Im paranoid about that. And I miss some of those people who used to be my friends, and Im sure they miss me too. What a waste. What a travesty done in Gods name. :*(
I wrote back to her..."This damn religion. :*("
She says..."I know momma...but you still have me and I love you and I wont EVER leave you!"
I replied..."And that, my love, is ALL that I need."
She wrote back...."scoooooooooore!" :)
Bless her heart...she snapped me back out of the depths I fell into there and back into reality and to the things that really matter. But it made me realize that I have been gone 11 years now and time doesnt heal anything and you dont ever really forget or stop loving them.
LD