I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 months and she has a big family who are always around. They are nice people, and I get along with them fine.
They now want to meet my family and have even given an ultimatum that if they don't meet a family member within a month, they'll 'make' her break up with me. I understand their rationale and it's that even though they feel that I'm a 'nice' guy, they know nothing about me and I could be anything. They feel that meeting my family will calm any doubts they have about me.
Save for a younger brother, the rest of my family has been largely nonexistent in my life, mostly because we were witnesses and didn't go to Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners or Fourth of July barbecues. Because of this, even in past relationships, I've never had an interest in meeting my ex girlfriend's families or introducing them to my own (my brother 'suffers' from the same situation).
This is the first time this issue has ever come up in any relationship (maybe because this is the longest relationship I've had, lol), and I know i can easily set up a dinner between bro and her family. But the whole 'ultimatum/time limit' bit is extremely irritating and just gets me angrier and more indignant the more i think about it. I really do enjoy being with my girlfriend, but if they bring something up like this again i risk losing the 'nice guy' bit and blowing my lid.
What would you do?
Dealing with my girlfriend's family.
by Dune 9 Replies latest social relationships
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Dune
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Blasty
Well, I'd be mad first of all. But does your girlfriend support this ultimatium crap? I'd imagine she'd be pretty pissed at her family for stepping in like that.
But hey, if you want to be around this family, you need to let them know who you are on no uncertain terms. Tell them "I'm dating your daughter, not my family". If you don't deal with your family very often, let them know. "Hey, me and my family aren't on the greatest terms."
Until I met my wife, my family didn't like a single girl I went out with hehe. She may have that type of family too hehe.
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Sirona
In my opinion they are totally out of order. You've only been seeing her for four months!!! Also if she allows them to split up the relationship, she isn't worth it. What I mean is, is she a woman or a child?
If you allow them to dictate things to you like this, if you do stay with her, you will always be under their control.
I would give them information about yourself but they should not be laying down the rules and if your girlfriend likes it then this reveals something about her...
Sirona
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Gopher
an ultimatum that if they don't meet a family member within a month
I don't like the ultimatum, but if you want to satisfy their curiosity -- have them meet your younger brother. They don't have to meet the J-dubs in your family, at least not right now.
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amama2six
I'd tell them if they want to meet your family so badly they can go to <insert name of your family's Kingdom Hall here> but that you, personally, do not wish to associate with them yourself. :P Do they even know most of your family are JWs? That knowledge in itself might be enough to get them to back off about meeting them.
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jamiebowers
My first considerations would be how old is your girlfriend, and is she still living at home? If she's a teenager and/or still living at home, her family has every right to know your background. If you really care for this girl and would like to see where your relationship is going, you should tell her family the truth, and then introduce them to your brother. The older I become, the more I realize how important family is. By not cooperating with them, you may be blowing a great opportunity to be adopted into a big, loving family. Since you've been silent on the matter so far, perhaps they're afraid of what you have to reveal. Calm their nerves by telling the truth. It will do all of you a lot of good.
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yknot
That is not a good 'sign'.............
If you love the girl or think you have a future then by all means but my first instinct is to tell them 4 months ain't that long!...
What's next? A family gathering at your house with a preacher and shotgun at your 6 month anniversary?
.....unless of course the young lady is 18-19....then protective parents are just doing their job.....but over 20...TROUBLE!
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Big Tex
What does your girlfriend say? I mean, does she feel this way?
This is what is important. If this relationship progresses, you're not going to be living with them, but with her.
I've been married for 25 years. When we were dating my wife's parents hated me. They really tried to break us up, although not nearly as much as my parents tried. In fact I remember her father (big time elder) telling me, "You could be the apostle Paul and we still wouldn't like you."
Long story short, Nina and I got along just fine. Like peas and carrots as Forrest would say. It takes at least 18 months for you to see every side of your girlfriend. If, after that time, you still like her (and I do mean like) then you know you've got something very precious. And to hell with her family.
BTW, for the record, I haven't spoken with my family since 1991. And we're all much happier for it.
Chris
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