Loss of family, beliefs, life, divorced? Learn to feel, then move on.

by FreedomFrog 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • FreedomFrog

    I've been through them all as many on here have as well. What I was forgetting to do was learning to feel each emotion and sorting them out so I can then move on to the next phase of the healing process. I was suppressing them which only caused me to be "trapped" with that one feeling.

    Recently, I have understood what I was being taught in college. I have found a sense of peace inside that I have not had for a very long time. I'm sure there will be more unsettling emotions coming up but now that I know I need to feel those feelings so I can move to the next stage, I am prepared.

    It takes work to heal and active work that is. People that I've seen go through difficult situations tend to forget they need to actively work through their feelings. I have read many self help books, studied this very thing in college, discussed my feelings to friends but I (being stuck on one feeling) was not moving on to the next stage. I'm discovering that when I feel angry, I tend to push the real anger down and not face the true cause.

    If we take a proactive way about this and not a reactive way, we can heal quicker and get through our challenging times. Proactive is a positive way of handling our feelings. I was reacting to the anger feelings causing a destructive emotional chain reaction. I'm now taking each feeling and thinking about them and acting (not reacting) with them and it's been an amazing experience. Look at it this way, any feelings is life and to feel anything is living. Take the unpleasant feelings and look at them very closely. What causes the anger? What causes the sadness? I've been finding out that when I look at that particular feeling, I'm understanding that emotion better. I then look at the situation closer that caused this feeling and fight to find one positive thing about it.

    For example, my family turned their backs on my children and me when I chose to leave my childhood religion. This caused anger but looking at that anger, the positive side of it is that I'm not being controlled by them. When I was part of their lives, I was nagged at the friends I would choose, how I was raising my children, and so on. I don't get this anymore which is a nice feeling.

    Now that I've learn to feel the feelings and act and not react to them, I'm finding that getting through some of my more challenging times is becoming less challenging.

    I thought I'd share this with all of you in hopes it may help someone else out there. I'm at peace right now and it's a great feeling. I still have work to get through but the work is well worth it and I'm feeling like ME and not what someone else expects me to be like. It's a great feeling to see myself move to the next phase of the healing process and not be stuck in one stage.

    Wishing you all a healthy mental and physical being,

    ~Freedom Frog~

  • Robdar

    Well said.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Excellent, FF!

    At long last I'm feeling a sense of detachment from negative emotion. The thought that crossed my mind today was the expression "live and let live." It's a two-way street. I no longer impute bad motives to friends and family, as if they're harboring hidden hostility. Well, until the hidden becomes revealed (if even the animosity exists), I don't dwell on all the "what-ifs" that usually exist only in my mind.

    When, though, I've learned years later what someone REALLY thinks of me, I counter with "what you think of me is none of my business!"

    Where'd we be without all these helpful little maxims?



  • FreedomFrog

    I use to worry about the "what-ifs" excessively, even now I catch myself and have to correct that kind of thinking when it does creep up. What ifs and should haves are destructive thinking for me.

    My life is MY life, not my children's, parents, friends, adversaries, nor any religious leaders, and so on....thats a great feeling!

    It took me 37 years to figure that one out but I'm getting there.

    We can be our worse enemies (if we allow it) or we can become our best friend.

  • Bubblie

    Hey, Freedom Frog I have just gotten to the anger stage of a divorce. I don't like this place & plan to move on as quickly as possible. It is kinda empowering for a woman but it is making my soon to be ex hate me, since that seems to be where I am now. I am trying to move out of the house we both own, he is buying me out. I will be able to get another one for the price of the buy out. Problem of finding a new one out of town. I don't want to live near him at all. His mid-life crisis finding out he wants to be free after so many years together has just made me nuts. Maybe all of us women out there can go through the same thing & turn around to these jerks & say kiss off!!! Anyway, I really do want to move on from here. But it just isn't right someone can tell you they love you & will be there for you but they don't want to be married to you anymore. That's my two cents, I'll not say anything else right now. I appreciate your comments & would love to find out a clue about moving on from here. Thanks.

  • FreedomFrog

    Bubblie, you have a PM.

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