Going back, even for a party, was kinda traumatic...

littletree

My mom called last week to tell me that I'd been invited to the high school graduation party of two girls from my former congregation. I went because these weren't just any girls; they'd been more like little sisters to me, best friends, right up until I purposely drifted away from the JWs in 2003 {My brief JW bio: I started going to the Hall with my re-instated mom when I was about 6 years old; I got baptized at her urging when I was 14, on Septermber 1, 1991; I was a Bible-loving, whole-hearted Witness youth until age 25; then I left after a year of "apostate" reading at 26, attending my last meeting at a District Convention on September 1, 2003; I've only been back for 1 memorial, and about 5 other times to visit family members or old "friends" at their various Halls.} So yesterday I attended the party (at a Seafood restaurant), bringing my wonderful "worldly" husband of 2 years, and his mom, with me. Thankfully, as we were late, we had to sit alone at an empty table. I got a lot of ackward stares when we first walked in, and a couple of "come back to Jehovah" speeches on the way out. My mother-in-law told me to just keep my head up, not worry about what they thought. But it was very difficult, and I was on the verge of tears all night. Even though I feel about 97% confident in my decision to never go back, it still amazes me how being around the folks from my congregation make me feel like a guilty, uncertain, self-conscious little girl again. They were my friends, teachers and support-system for 20 years. But I can NEVER go back- because I don't believe that 144,000 people are going to heaven, I don't believe Christ returned invisibly in 1914, I'm not certain that there's going to be an earthly Paradise, I certainly don't believe that the organization of JWs is God's channel (I'm my humble opinion, no group can claim that title), and though I believe in God, I'm not sure if I'm truly Christian. But a part of me feels like I've let those little girls down, particularly not being there for one of them who was raised by her grandparents. She was my heart, and it killed me when I left- not being able to take her to the movies or shopping because I was now "bad association". Especially hearing all the elders and pioneers at the party stand up and give speeches to the graudates about "sticking with Jehovah" and not "going out into the world" (At some points, I think their comments may have been directed at me- the only "inactive" one in the room). I was awake crying much of last night. At work today, I feel like a truck ran over me. I just wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar experience- returning for a JW social event and ending up feeling emotionally drained and confused???

BreakingAway

Hello littletree,

I'm sorry you had to go through that.I personally haven't experienced what you mentioned because I refuse to go to such events.When I get invitations, I just ignore them.

The fact that you had such a strong emotional reaction tells you just how unhealthy it is to be around these people ! I mean, just think about it.After a mere couple of hours--you feel self-conscious, guilty and uncertain, and later you're reduced to tears ! Surely, that's NOT healthy ! I hate to say it; but they often come across like parasites--draining you of your life force.

It's always the same: "Come back to Jehovah", "We miss you at the meetings", Etc.,Etc.It's like they've been taken over by some sinister force, which really they have, because that's how CULTS operate.

Try not to let it get you down.This forum is filled with those struggling with circumstances similar to your own.The JW Modus Operandi is to create DEPENDENCE.Completely subordinate and controlled by the Org's goals.Resistance is NOT futile, you do NOT have to be assimilated.

Awakened at Gilead

But I can NEVER go back- because I don't believe that 144,000 people are going to heaven, I don't believe Christ returned invisibly in 1914, I'm not certain that there's going to be an earthly Paradise, I certainly don't believe that the organization of JWs is God's channel (I'm my humble opinion, no group can claim that title), and though I believe in God, I'm not sure if I'm truly Christian.

Reading my mind, are you????

Actually, I can't really comment on this thread, I've only been out recently and besides I told the eldes the above and they responded by announcing my DA...

But evem while I was in, I didn't feel completely comfortable at JW ~~parties~~ get-togethers. I'm sorry to hear of your experience. They are such a closed minded bunch, aren't they?

Hope4Others

I'm so sorry you had a rough day of it. I'm glad you had your husband and mother in law there for support, even though

it hurts you know thats only what we can expect from them. Trying to put them all in the past is a hard thing to do but

try to look ahead and regain the happiness that brought you away from all the crap. Yes, keep your head up.

Best wishes,

hope4others

babygirl75

JW social event and ending up feeling emotionally drained and confused???

That's how I felt while in....I'm sure it would be so much worse now!!!!

Glad you had your great hubby & m-i-l to be with you!

Eliveleth

Littletree,

My heart goes out to you, Honey,

It is hard to be reminded of the friends you have left behind.

They are the ones that I miss too. We have been out 25 years

but I still miss my JW friends and family.

It does get easier with time and I do get the urge to communicate

with them from time to time. So far I have not acted on it too much

except to send sympathy cards to families of those who have died.

Love and hugs,

Velta

WTWizard

I can remember a family that always made me feel drained, even when I was in. This happens to be a family that is currently the lead hounder in my former congregation, and every single member is a regular pioneer. When I was sitting with them at a$$emblies, I would always feel closed in. It would be like claustrophobic, even if the place was reasonably open. It definitely felt like they were sucking my life energy from me.

Which is one reason I would never want to go back. Notably, this is the family that has expressed interest in hosting me--and I do believe that they would recapture me the instant they felt they could get away with it. And, if I sent my disassociation letter, chances are the head of that family (the lead hounder) would instead of upholding it would recapture me at once.

littletree

Thank you all for your understanding and supportive comments and insights. It really helps that there are people like you guys who know what its like to go through this... I feel better today. And yes, I am very happy with my new family (my husband and m-i-l); they remind me every day that JWs are wrong in claiming that they're the only good and decent people. My husband has been very supportive. Thanks again to all of you (WTWizard, Eliveleth, babygirl75, Hope4Others, and Awakened). I hope I can encourage some of you in some way one day.

BreakingAway

Ummmm.... did I say something wrong here ?

Going back, even for a party, was kinda traumatic...

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