by IcingHeart 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • IcingHeart

    I sent a rather long email to a friend of mine, and I kinda feel like posting it here for some reason.

    This is a bit more information about myself. It's edited some, but most of it is intact...

    As I said, I was born and raised a Jehovah Witness. I began to notice around the time I was in middle school that I didn't/don't have much of a social life within the organization, even though we're supposed to be all about "brotherly love" and whatnot. Basically, I was/am an outcast because I like stuff people my age in this religion consider weird, like anime, video games, cartoons, role playing, ethnic stuff, eclectic fashion, obscure music, and more. It also didn't help that I used to be overweight (that problem's been solved, but you can add my strange diet to my list of growing oddities). Witnesses are just as two-faced and clique-ish as people in any other religious denomination. So while at kingdom hall, people would/will talk to me and be all fakey nice, but they would almost never go out of their way for me, call me, or invite me to go anywhere. When I was younger, some of the nice parents would invite me if they had arranged some kind of get-together, but their kids could care less about me. Though there were a few kids that actually liked me and didn't mind hanging out with me, but they were few and far between.

    Despite this, I still believed in the Witness teachings, and thought everything would be sorted out by God in the end. I whole-heartedly believed that this was the "truth" and spent my time going to meetings, going preaching, studying their publications with the Bible, and making sure I avoided things considered bad like R-rated movies and cursing. I always used to feel guilty after saying a swear word...

    Anyway, about eight years ago, I met my now best friend. He's the only person who's always been there for me no matter what (outside of family). He's always been honest with me, and tells me things that at first I don't like to hear, but I know that he says it because he cares. He's always been right about everything, and he's one of the smartest, level-headed guys I know. I've always gone to him for advice, and I usually do what he suggests. I tend to be wrong when I don't listen to him. About a year ago, he began speaking to me about how our religion is wrong, pointing out hypocritical doctrines, like the blood doctrine. He would ask, "Why is such an importance placed on the symbol of life (blood) but not life itself?" There were a lot of other things, and if you want, check out and whenever you get the chance. They reveal more history about the Watchtower society that the average Witness has no idea about.

    For awhile, I dismissed anything he had to say that was negative concerning the Witnesses to be wrong. Cognitive dissonance did not allow me to consider that what I believed for the last 21 years was total bullshit. Last year, I had a seed of doubt growing in the back of my mind that I heavily tried to ignore, and hoped that it would just go away. It wasn't until four months ago that I finally had an epiphany over my belief system. I did a ton of research, and everything I discovered about the witnesses, the real "truth," was amazing, and shocking. My best friend was right, and I should have been listening to him from the start. (Yay karvel!)

    Unfortunately, I'm still living with my parents, currently job hunting, with no car. I'm attending college, though off for the summer in hopes that I can work full-time. I haven't worked for a while because I was busy with school, and am currently looking for a job.

    Sorry for the long-winded email...

  • Alpaca

    Hey there Ms. IH,

    Writing about your feelings is probably a good thing to do...very therapeutic if you ask me. I went back to school after the big bail from the BORG and writing in my English comp class was a huge help at reconciling a lot of stuff.

    Glad you're doing well.


  • IcingHeart

    Thanks Alpaca

  • IcingHeart
  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Thanks for posting your story. Don't be put off if you don't receive many replies. Most people read threads here using the "Active Topics" option and threads very quickly slip back a few pages. I for one am always interested in reading about other people's journeys.

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