An ancient poster stopping by to say HI!

by ShaunaC 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  ShaunaC

  Hello al! I am an old poster from this websites early days. I was here a lot during 2001-2003. During the days of posters like:

  Englishman, Welshman, LDH, Simon, Prisca, Joelbear, logical, SixofNine, somebody, Ozziepost, unanswered, Gopher, Norm, JanH, Kent, somebody, AlanF, Amazing, Silentlambs, Hillary-step, minimus, ISP, bigboi and many others.

  If any of you are still around, thank you all for your part in helping me deprogram myself all those years ago. I've been free for almost 10 years and am truly happy. I recently married a wonderful man and we're hoping to get pregnant with our first baby very soon. I was just 26 when I first posted on H2O, Freeminds and here. Now I'm turning 34 next month! How time flies by!!!

  I still have no relationship with my parents but have fully come to terms with that. I re-read posts from those early years and see that I had so much hope that the rift would be repaired at least a little bit. But that never did happen and now we go years in between any communication. The pain over that has now subsided to disappointment. I focus now on creating my own family and vow to show my kids the unconditional love the JW org prevented my parents from showing me.

  To any of you who are newly out, it does get better if you look at life as a set of experiences to teach you something about yourself, the world and those around you. Don't be bitter, don't carry the anger. It will only hold you back from becoming the truly remarkable person you already showed you are when you decided to leave the JW's. It takes a lot of strength to do that and you'll continue to use that strength (even though at times you'll doubt you have any) to learn who you really are apart from that organization, your family, and those brainwashed ideas. You can do it and you will be happier for it.

  I hope you are all doing well and are happy in your freedom. Freedom of thought really is worth any cost we have all had to pay.

  Much Love,

  Shauna

  fomerly ShaunaC (Shauna Titterington-Collins from Fresno, CA)
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  ex-nj-jw

  Welcome back Shauna!

  To any of you who are newly out, it does get better if you look at life as a set of experiences to teach you something about yourself, the world and those around you. Don't be bitter, don't carry the anger. It will only hold you back from becoming the truly remarkable person you already showed you are when you decided to leave the JW's. It takes a lot of strength to do that and you'll continue to use that strength (even though at times you'll doubt you have any) to learn who you really are apart from that organization, your family, and those brainwashed ideas. You can do it and you will be happier for it.

  I hope you are all doing well and are happy in your freedom. Freedom of thought really is worth any cost we have all had to pay.

  You really hit the nail on the head with this one and I hope this helps someone who maybe lurking in the shadows confused, lost, hurt and wondering how the hell will they make it!

  Thanks for posting that.

  nj

  Edited to add: congrats on the marraige and future babies. <wife of 22 years and mom of 3> Give them everything you didn't have especially the unconditional love.
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  SPAZnik

  what a beautiful post ShaunaC. tho i wuz too skittish to really talk to anyone back then, i remember you. so very nice to hear such a positive upbeat update from your world. glad you stopped by!!! the best to you and yours, S.
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  ShaunaC

  Hi Guys! Sorry I missed this since I accidentally posted this thread twice and have been checking the other one.

  Thanks NJ! It's true that it can be so easy to get sucked away by the pain of either wanting to leave or actually leaving the Borg. I was pretty okay for the 1st year after I left. Your eyes are suddenly open and it takes a lot just to take it all in. But after about 12-18 months, I started having depression issues. Every 4-6 weeks I would just lose it and cry uncontrollably. And it wasn't that I was specifically thinking about anything JW/loss of family related, I was just drained. Those bouts started happening more frequently and I realized I needed help.

  But when I searched out a therapist I couldn't find one that I trusted had any knowledge or advice about cult issues. So that's when I turned to the web and first found the old H2O and Freeminds and then a few months later came here.

  There are a lot of steps involved in leaving. First I had to logically look at why JW's were false, by reading CoC and other books. Later I read great books like The Jesus Mysteries which finished my seperation from the Borg on a logical level. But the harder part is dealing with the emotional issues, the loss of family and not really knowing yourself. Besides dealing with the loss of my family, my greatest hurdle, which took me many, many years to overcome, was the sense of not trusting myself. My whole life I was trained to basically NOT listen to my gut, my intuition. After I left, especially when it came to personal relationships, I found that although my intuition was strong I didn't trust myself to always listen to it. I would worry that maybe I was pushing people because how could I trust them when my own parents abandoned me. Or worse I wouldn't allow myself to truly connect with people at all. To this day I really am a loner type and have very few friends that I completely open up to. I think really I just require a lot of people to prove how true they are before I bring them too close to me.

  But just like any other tramatic event, it can be overcome. Therapy and lots of reading saved me. And it wasn't therapy in which someone helped he with their ideas and words, it was simply a place I could talk out all of the jumble that was in my mind. In the end it was kind of like giving myself a hug and knowing I'm alright. And knowing my parents are only doing what they believe is right, allows me to let go of the pain from losing them.

  My heart goes out to those newbies who are just starting this process. It feels like you are going to drown, I know. It feels like you've lost everything! Like you have no identity anymore. But after almost 10 years away, I can honestly say that the JW life I had is not thought of too often anymore. I finally have enough experiences on "this side" that my life as a JW isn't my only compass of who I am. I've proven to myself how strong I am and really feel I could face any obstacle life can throw at me after going through this.

  If anyone is helped to see that there is a great life awaiting them at the end of this process and they are given hope and strength...well then that's like coming full circle since so many on this board did that for me.