Elders influence on young people's aspirations

by kzjw 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • kzjw

    Just found out 5 years ago my stepson was told by an elder that he shouldn't play b-ball because team sports in school was all about fight songs & such foolishness. Just sent another elder an email telling him it would be wise not to try and influence my remaining 2 sons with any of that BS! It will not be pretty.

    What gives these idi-elders the right to try and stop a young person with God given abilities to excell at anything the right to tell them without parental consent what to, and not to do?

    Was I wrong ?

  • yknot

    I don't think it is wrong if you know this other elder is likely to attempt such unwelcomed guidance. Elders tend to run the gamut, we heard that crap from the podium but my Eldums rarely have any contact with the sheeple unless jonesing for a JC.

    It is unfortunate that when people feel they are in positions of influence or power that humbleness loses out to pride and arrogance.

    You are your sons biggest influence. In fact with summer so near start looking for encouraging camps or workshops!

  • Gopher


    Am I correct to assume your stepson was attending meetings with his mom, while you didn't generally go to meetings?

    Yes the elders do try to imply that they know what is right and better than the "unbelieving" man of the house. Maybe they felt the consent of your wife was enough, so that they could go ahead and press their WT dogmatic viewpoint on the boy.

    The step-family process for influence and decision-making can be a tricky one, and in general it seems best to let the biologic parent be the authority figure. What did your stepson think about it? Did he really want to play sports?

  • Hope4Others

    I agree with how you feel, for some reason they feel it is their god given right to influence young ones. We have had numerous

    battles with elders for there interference with telling our kids what they "should" and "should not do". We had issue after issue

    with elders and most all instances were just personal opinion. After one incident came up that was a little serious, they approached

    my husband and his response was "Its been dealt with", that ended the conversation abruptly, they were quite taken back.

    Geez, I'm glad that stuff is way behind now, it was so frustrating.


  • WTWizard

    They do it all the time from the platform. How often do you hear a talk, the essence of which is that you should not be planning a career or to have any fun in school because you should be pioneering? I heard that all the time. They mention all the other things that normal people do all the time (and how many end up getting AIDS or into an accident?). Always in a negative light.

    Children should be allowed to dream. Better yet, they should be allowed to pursue their dreams without impedence. The whole world would be much better off without this kind of sacrificing mentality that kills children's dreams--and the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger makes it worse. The hounders add even more, just as the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger hopes for, making it impossible for anyone to do anything but pioneer without getting hounded and harassed.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Childhood should be the time to explore all avenues of interest to see what truly fits the individual .

    Being raised a witness I felt I was not allowed to have dreams or aspirations . We could not participate in extra-curricular activities . No sports , no clubs ect. My mom was the witness in the family and she forbid us to ask our Dad to do things we "knew" weren't right . If he had known how much I wanted to do tennis , and basketball he would have certainly seen to it that I had those oppurtunities . Because of fear of displeasing my mother I never asked . The Elders will most certainly try to influence your childrens decisions ! Don't even doubt that .

    I have seen in my years as a witness many jw moms ( that had unbelieving mates ) taking their sons to the Elders for guidance especially when it came to sports .They consider your children "Spiritually Fatherless Boys " and see it as their duty to help mom direct these young men to follow the JW spiritual path .

    My advice to you is to cement your bond with your sons .Make sure they know you are there for them . Get to know what interests they do have and cultivate those interests . Your wife should be made known of your wishes that she NOT take family business to the Elders , it is business only you and she should decide for your family no one else .

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