To the Household of God... and all those that go with... may you have peace!
I wish to share the following vision with you, and you may (or may not) take from it what you wish:
In my vision I saw a large crowd following a very disfigured, seemingly very ill, little man. In that crowd was an insignificant woman, seized with disease of all sorts, possessed with demons, and full of hatred, envy, jealousy and hypocrisy. She was remarkable only because I could hear her thoughts, which were that she hoped in some way that the little man would cure her of her ailments, in every form. She hoped this, apparently, because the word was that many of the people in the crowd had been cured by him which was why they were following him. She personally knew some of the people who had been cured and so, although she hadn't actually seen these "miracles" take place, she had no doubt they had. Because what they were now was not what they had been when she knew them previously - blind, lame, deaf, possessed, hateful, hypocritical, etc. Now, they were seeing, walking, hearing, free of demons, showing love without hypocrisy. Since it was this man who was attributed with curing these, it was this man she sought.
At some point, the woman was able to make her way through the crowd so that she came so close that when the man turned his head, his eyes looked into hers. He immediately saw the pleading in her eyes; she immediately saw the pity in his. She didn't have enough courage to speak, however, and only hoped with her heart that somehow he would know what it was she was seeking him for. Just then, the man stopped walking, and before the woman knew what she was doing, her hand reached out toward him. As she reached, she heard him say, "Go your way, daughter; your sins have been forgiven," and immediately she knew that she had undergone a change: no longer did she feel tired and fatigued, no longer did she feel ached and pained, no longer did she feel out of control of her body and mind. She felt renewed, young, invigorated. Who was this man? she marveled. It didn't matter; whoever he was, she, too, would follow him. And so she did so for some time.
Awhile later, however, the woman decided that following the man wasn't as necessary as she had thought it was. She was clean now, no longer tired, no longer in pain, no longer suffering. With energy as of a young child, why spend time wandering around, going what appeared to be no particular place? He had done what she had sought him out for and she was grateful. But this was... well, boring. Why waste this renewed energy? Why not have some fun? Following the man and this crowd wasn't really fun, she reasoned with herself. And life is passing me by. "I want to LIVE," she reasoned, and so, turned away from following the man and the crowd, and entered into a nearby city. Initially, she had a pretty good time: she met new friends, ate and drank in places she had heard were exciting, did all the things she couldn't do before because of her limitations. The city was fabulous. At some point, she even ran into some old friends who were also visiting the city.
After a considerable amount of time, however, she once again began to feel tired, fatigued, achey... and in pain. Even more than she had before. In a few days' time, she was SO tired and sick that she could barely get out of bed. She no longer had the energy to frequent the fancy places, no longer had the stamina to hang out and have "fun." It was all she could do to get out of bed! This time, she really was suffering! She then became aware that she had not simply returned to her previous condition; she was actually even sicker, so that while before she knew she would die at some point, now she knew she was actually dying. What was she to do? The man and the crowd had long gone and she knew of no other that could restore her, if any could. And so she panicked.
One day, as the woman was lying in her bed, waiting to die, she heard the noice of a large crowd outside her window. Pulling herself up, she looked out and, lo! it was the man and the crowd!! He was now passing through this very city! She thought, "Perhaps if I could just get to him..." and then her heart sank: the man had cleansed her once, and she had turned off from following him to seek her own desires. Had she not disregarded his previous kindness? Weren't there others suffering who had not yet received from him? Why would he even bother with her again? Certainly, he would not. But as the noise of the crowd faded, the woman knew he was her only hope: maybe, just maybe, he would show her a kindness one more time. She was dying; what did she have to lose? And so, tired, achey, in great pain... and dying... the woman dragged herself out of her bed, out of her house... and went after the crowd.
At first, she could see them in the distance, exiting the city, and then just outside the gate. But given her state, she almost allowed herself to just lay there in the dirt because she knew there was no way she could catch up to them. They were all in good health, having been restored by the man. She could barely breath, let alone walk. And she certainly couldn't walk fast. In fact, she most probably would have to crawl, as the pain of standing was sometimes just too much. But... she walked when she could... and crawled when she could not. In this way, she was almost always able to keep the crowd in sight. She could not see the man, for he was at the head of the crowd.
As she followed, from time to time someone from the crowd would turn aside to enter another great city. As the woman passed such one, they would call out, "Why are you following him? Weren't you cleansed once? Do you not know that you cannot be cleansed again? Come with me, and I'll see that you are buried." Each time, however, the woman would reply, with exerted breath, "Thank you, but no, for who else am I to follow? True, you will see me to my death, and that is good. But this one, he once saw me to life. Perhaps he will do so again. But even if he doesn't, there is no where else for me to go. Had I not left off following him, I would be as vital as you. But I am no longer." And with that, she would continue her feeble steps.
After several days, however, the woman's strength began to give out. Soon, she could not even see the crowd. Knowing that she could walk no longer, she laid down to die. Unbeknownest to her, however, at some distance in front of her, the little man turned to the crowd and said, "We shall stop here." Although he eyes turned back to the horizon behind him, the crowd did not see this and began to marvel, "Why are we stopping? We never stop. Perhaps he is finally tired." Hearing the whispers, the man said, "We will stop here, for I have much to tell you and I want you to hear and get the sense of it. The walking will distract you and perhaps the little ones will not be able walk and understand. So we will stop." And so they stopped and the man spent the rest of the day speaking with the crowd.
Now, the place where the crowd stopped happened to be in an area that was sheltered by hills on two sides and so the noise and voices from the crowd could be heard for a distance. Thus, from her place in the dust, the woman could hear the crowd's murmur. When the crowd became silent, however, she only barely hear the man's voice. Why had they stopped? she wondered, and what was he telling them? Oh, how she wished that she, too, could hear his words. Perhaps only that was all that was needed to save her life. But she was tired, too tired to even try again to catch up, and now wished death would finally overtake her. Within minutes her fatigue overcame her so that she went into a deep sleep.
As darkness arrived, the crowd, realizing that the man was not going to start walking again, began to settle down to sleep also. And then, I saw a MARVELOUS thing: once everyone in the crowd was asleep, the little man left them... and began walking BACK... toward the woman. After awhile, he found her, sleeping in the dust. Her breathing was labored and her body appeared wracked with illness. She was such a sight that the man began to cry. For some time he stood over her, watching her sleep... and watching the life waste out of her. This was the night she was to die. And so, the little man sat down next to her, and taking her head into his arms (for he was quite small and so that was all of her body that he could lift), he began whispering in her ear... telling her ALL the things he had told the crowd earlier that day!! It was just him and her, alone, in the night and in the dust. And he left nothing out. Just before daybreak, the man completed his story, left the woman, and returned to the crowd. When he arrived, the crowd was just beginning to rouse and so did not realize he had been gone.
The woman, however, did not die but instead woke up. And when she looked in the distance, she could see the crowd! At first, she thought she had dreamed that the little man had come to her and stayed with her through the night. She thought she had dreamed that he held her, and dreamed the wonderful things he had spoken to her. She knew when she laid down that she was to die that night. But look here! she had NOT died. In fact, she once again felt renewed and invigorated! She WAS renewed and invigorated... in fact, better than before!! It was NOT a dream! He HAD come... and he HAD whispered to her... even though no one knew of it but he and she!
She immediately jumped up and began to run toward the crowd, but stopped just short of it. She did not seek to enter nor to come close to little man again. She did not need to. She knew that all she needed to do was follow him, even at this distance, and she would continue to live. Because he was the source of life for her, and the only one who could keep her from returning to her former state, one of great pain, fatigue, and suffering. "So long as I have him in my sight... so long as he can see me and see that I am following, I will live," she said.
The "woman," dear ones, was and is me. I was once dying and the little man cleansed me. But I did not realize the great value of it at that time, and so went off to seek my own desires. As a result, I once again began to die. He, though, being the epitome of love that he is... did not leave me to die. Indeed, he waited for me to once again catch up. And I was only able to catch, because HE... came back to get me. He did not say, "No, you must catch up with me." He came back because, as he said, he will NOT lose one, not even one... not even me... insignificant and sinner than I am.
How, then, would he lose you? He won't. He WILL wait for you... and help you to catch up. All WE need to do is just keep following him, even if it looks/feels like we're going to die while doing it. He won't let you die, though. True, your flesh might return to the earth, but your SPIRIT... will simply sleep until the appointed time.
May you hear and get the sense of it, and I bid you the greatest of love and peace.
YOUR servant, as I am servant to ALL those of the Household of God, Israel... and a slave of Christ, the little man... who gave his life in behalf of the sheep...