Sometimes the "worst thing" turns out to be the "best thing"

by Dawn 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dawn

    Hi all - it's been a while since I've gotten a chance to sign on and visit you all. Nice to be back. I wanted to share a story with you - maybe it will help some that are just getting out and going through a rough time.

    A good friend of mine came to me today - he and his wife are expecting their first child and just found out it has Down's Syndrome. They have decided to keep the baby. So as we were talking I told him my story about the worst thing being the best thing.

    When I was 19 years old I found out I was pregnant. I just knew it was the end of my world. I was the "good JW" growing up but got into some trouble around 17-18 years old and thus ended up pregnant. I had just moved 2000 miles away from my home to Houston TX, was working a barely above minimum wage job with no medical benefits, didn't qualify for State aid because I was a new resident, and was living with my brother (an elder) who I knew would kick me out when he found out. Not to mention - I would get DF'd and loose all my friends and family - you know the drill.

    I knew I could abort and noone would know. But I decided not to. (No judgment on anyone who has made a different choice - this was just the choice I made and my story -that's all).

    As it turns out - I DID get kicked out and things were pretty tough for a long time. But...I made it. My son is now 22 years old and I look back and realize that what I thought was the worse thing was really the best thing that ever happened to me. If that had not happened I would still be in the JW hold, still miserable, and still going nowhere.

    Instead, I ended up going back to college, got my degree. Met a great man that I would never have dated if I'd been a JW (for god's sakes he had a beard and carried a gun!) - we've been together 18 years now and have another beautiful little girl. My baby boy grew up and is now in college studying to be an Engineer.

    But the best thing of all is that I am now free. It took a long time to get over the guilt and move on - but I eventually did. Now I have holidays with the family, freedom to research what I want and believe what I want. No fear of "getting caught" if I decide to go out to a bar with my girlfriends or go to an R rated movie, or for heaven's sake visit another Church!!!! No fear of being hauled in before the elders for questioning things. Being free is the greatest gift I ever got.

    So now I look back and realize that the day I thought the "worst thing" that could ever happen to me was on my shoulders - it turned out to be the "best thing" that ever happened to me.

    I am sure that for my friend - in years to come he will look back and say "well - this wasn't the path I wanted to begin with, but it turned out pretty good after all"

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Welcome back, Dawn:

    Thank you for the beautiful story. It's wonderful that your bittersweet experience can be a source of encouragement - many years later - to others of your acquaintance.

    Only today was I contemplating some of my wrong moves and bemoaning the results. Then, like you, I realized that, despite those "wrong moves," I have wonderful children. Children who are leading happy and successful lives.

    As the saying goes, we must have done something right!



  • R.Crusoe

    It is great when the 'best thing' scenario is forged out of a nightmare of events!

    I feel for many it is an 'only thing' scenario, taking into account how many of us always tried to please others, there is no way we could hve made all the choices to produce a 'best self' situation!

    It's almost as though our success was tied to the success of others, which is great unless in some way the others are removed or used against us in which case: a sad irony returns as the point of all life!

    Happy ironies are best and yours is an excellent one to share with us!


  • Hope4Others

    Hi Dawn,

    A wonderful story with a happy ending, you followed what your heart had to tell you and that is "the best thing".

    I wish the best for your friends and there bundle of joy that will arrive.


  • Sirona

    Great post, thanks.

    Also I wish your friends well. I'm currently pregnant and decided not to have the down syndrome checks because of the potential worry and risks of the tests (and the chances at our age are slim). We simply decided that even if the child was down's we'd still keep the child.


  • greendawn

    That's quite some story, you courageously made the right decision, thankfully, despite the great adversities of that time so that you now have an intelligent son studying at university.

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