Anxiety breakthrough - connecting with people I cut ties with as a JW

B_Deserter

I've decided to contact someone that I cut ties with as a JW. I really wrestle with this because I feel like the fact that I only knew most of these people in the first place was through the JWs, so in a way reconnecting with them will stifle my moving on. There are also other factors involved, like what kind of terms on which we left, the risk of knowledge of my intention to leave the religion getting back to my family through them, etc.

This particular person was I dare say almost a love interest. The only problem was that she was a "worldly" friend of a witness friend of mine, who introduced us. This person told me that she would marry me if I wasn't a witness. I actually doubt that now. It's easy to say things like that when you know that barrier isn't likely to be removed any time soon. I really enjoyed talking to her while we were friends. Eventually, she started bad-mouthing the Watchtower Society, which prompted my decision to break contact.

I was perusing MySpace and she just popped in my head, so I decided to run a search and see if anything popped up. Sure enough, there she was. I put in a request for her to add me, which she granted. Then, I sent her a message basically telling her what I'm doing now and that I left the JWs. I didn't go into detail. I just said it wasn't helping with things and then one day it just stopped making sense, which is the ultra cliff notes version of it. Then I said we should chat sometime.

I struggled with sending the letter. Part of me is still afraid I'll get an angry response back, and she'll think I'm leaving the JWs for her (I'm not, btw, she was not a factor in my leaving at all). I decided to send it anyway. If I get an angry response back, so what? She's 1,000 miles away and things will be exactly the same, so I really have nothing to lose. Since she is far away, the risk of any of this getting back to my family is minimal. I'm not particularly sure a relationship would be a good idea, either. She is a very devout Christian and I am an Atheist. There would be the same barriers I had before I think, but hey, I least I don't have to stop being friends with her because she doesn't like a book publishing company.

R.Crusoe

You sound well adjusted and if you are only 25 with cool head on your shoulders all I have to say is the words of a famous British radio presenter:

'You swiiine!'

It took me till I was looking old to get to your stage!

flipper

B_DESERTER- I think it would be a great idea to contact your friend. She is not a witness ; neither are you , and even if a love interest doesn't develop due to differences in beliefs ( atheism versus her christianity ) still you could rekindle a good friendship . So, I'd say go for it ! Doesn't sound like you have anything to lose , but possibly something to gain

VoidEater

It seems a reasonable thing to reconnect with your past, to make the present more well-rounded. Assuming it's not an attempt to recreate the past...friendship is too valuable to pass up!

willyloman

I know it's not exactly the same dynamic, but I've made many friends since I left dubworld and two of the ones I really like happen to be semi-fanatical Christians (if they were fanatical, we wouldn't be friends but both of them are people you can talk to about religion without getting into a fight).

Of course, they have both tried to get me to "come to church" but they're not pushing very hard and respect (so far) my desire not to get involved. One of the best things about leaving the dubs is that you no longer have to judge people based on what they believe, or don't, and I've found this frees me up to have some really fascinating disucssions about religion, especially with religious people.