The 2008 February Kingdumb Misery Insert

by WTWizard 4 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • WTWizard

    No, I have not seen this insert and I am predicting it totally blind.

    However, every year, they have it. The February Kingdumb Misery always has an insert. In this, they will tell people that they can and should auxiliary pioneer during one of the months of March, April, and/or May (and preferably all three). I have seen one of these with a schedule that looks like a menu, with the entrees being labelled "Weeknights", "Two Evenings and the Weekend", and so on. They give you a schedule that, if followed, will result in getting your hours in.

    They have specious reasons why people should want to pioneer. Notably, they make a big deal about the Crapmorial. This is supposed to be a reason for anyone to pioneer during the whole month of the wastefest, and the preceding and following month (this year, I'm afraid they are going to have to settle for the month of and the two following months, as the full moon that determines the date falls on March 21). This is augmented with the hint of warmer weather (yea, like the Northern Tier weather is going to cooperate--I have heard of blizzards and -10 high temperatures in parts of the Dakotas, Montana, and Minnesota at that time of year). Of course, children are told that they need to pioneer during April, because they have a week off of school. !

    This is the same crap every year. Wasting the paper on 15 or 20 paragraphs telling people that they need to pioneer during spring is a total waste. And every year, it is the same specious reasons about warmer weather, children being on vacation, and the Crapmorial. Additionally, they have been giving people actual schedules so they can fill them out and then pioneer. As if people are really going to want to waste Two Evenings and the Weekend out in field circus when they need to fix the roof or paint the house.

    It gets worse at times. In 2004, they had a write up about "suggesting" that congregations meet for street work at 5:30 in the morning. If it is strictly implemented, that would make getting up in time to be at the Kingdumb Hell mandatory for everyone in the congregation (this is rarely enforced). Of course, a "suggestion" means it's required, and the congregations are supposed to make it work. They also suggested that children be required to meet at 3:00 PM after school (they "suggested" it), and that they hold evening witlessing at 6 PM on non-meeting nights (meaning Monday, Wednesday, and Friday through Sunday). Rarely do congregation hounders enforce it strictly, but that means that every congregation of Jehovah's Witlesses is supposed to have meetings for field circus at 5:30 and 9:00 AM, 1:00 PM, 3:00 PM (on school days for children), 6:00 PM (on non-meeting nights), and for letter writing. On weekends and holidays, morning meetings for field circus are at 9:30 AM. On Sunday, the meetings for service are after the boasting session or at 9:30 AM and after the boasting session.

    Additionally, I have had one year where the hounders got smart and shoved aux pio slips in front of everyone's faces with instructions to fill them out and turn them in. I got one of those wastes of paper shoved in my face, and decided to "fill it in" at home. Wherein, I took it home and left it there. I "forgot" to return it. Then, when they hounded me for it, I told them I left it at home. Whereby, they simply handed me another one and tried to hound me to fill it in on the spot and turn it in. Which I did not--I had no intention of pioneering during that push, especially after they were so persistent in forcing me to. As was, they got more than half of them back the next day, and more than half the congregation aux pio'd at least one month (with a significant number doing it all three months).

    I wonder what stupid stunts they are going to do this year. Or, if it will be another generic push to get everyone out there to pioneer. I hope it doesn't work. I hope they get zero requests for those wastes of paper, with about 200 of them sitting in the back office. And, when they shove them in people's faces, I hope there is a spike in sales of 50 Cent's new CD to people that want nothing more than to get disqualified from pioneering (along with a spike of S-77 forms to go along with the aux pio forms).

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Well, WTWizard, your blind-folded KM writing attempt was about 95% accurate. Congratulations!

    This was the only part they decided to leave out this year:

    I have seen one of these with a schedule that looks like a menu, with the entrees being labelled "Weeknights", "Two Evenings and the Weekend", and so on. They give you a schedule that, if followed, will result in getting your hours in.

    They didn't do the "Geez you're so stupid, here's how to lay out a work schedule" thing this time.

    That left more room for them to remind everyone how they can make Aux Pioneering work, no matter what. Here's a few "helpful hints" they included this year:

    1. "non-essential" weekend activities can be put off to a different month

    2. Lunch breaks at work can be used to proselytize your co-workers. (An added benefit of this strategy is it helps ensure that your job will go nowhere, or who knows, maybe Jehovah will even "bless" you by getting you canned!)

    3. As you mentioned, kids can go out after school.

    4. Early evenings, of course.

    5. "One or two" vacation days can be used by those who work full time. (The camel's nose has become at least a head and shoulders now. Next year, the whole beast?)

    That's all I can remember right now. nailed it.


  • fokyc

    February 2008 Kingdom Ministry is here:


  • avishai

    Love your parody phrases. Here's some we used even as dubs. Circle serpent, rotten review...

  • jeanV

    for us it was in January

    the difference compared to last year is that there was no overall goal of x no. of pioneers. was it because last year the goal was not reached in most countries?

Share this