Have you ever had an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

by nicolaou 9 Replies latest social relationships

  • nicolaou

    Or perhaps your partner has? How did you deal with it? The following is part of an article called ' The Danger of Emotional Affairs - Betrayal of Trust'. © Cherie Burbach. Aug 21, 2007 I found it fascinating.

    What Is Emotional Cheating?

    An emotional affair begins when one partner has an extremely close relationship with a person of the opposite sex that transforms from regular friendship to something more. Instead of just hanging around platonically, the partner begins having feelings of attraction for the other person. Generally they begin talking intimately about things they should only be discussing with their significant other. They flirt with the other person, and behave inappropriately. They may withdraw from their partner. Unlike a cyber affair they do see the other person, sometimes having lunches or dinners or even just meeting somewhere for coffee. They behave in a manner that is secretive and hurtful, keeping information from their partner and sneaking off to have private email or phone time with the other person.

    Why Is It Bad?

    Some may argue that since emotional affairs fall just short of physical cheating they aren’t really all that bad. But this is incorrect. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much as physical cheating and sometimes even more. When one partner replaces time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than their partner it hurts the relationship between them and their partner. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do, and their damage often takes much longer to overcome.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    Every physical affair I had started as an emotional affair.

  • carla

    "When one partner replaces time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than their partner it hurts the relationship between them and their partner. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do, and their damage often takes much longer to overcome. "---- Sounds like what happens when a person joins the jw's to me. The borg encourages lying to the ubm, the elders encourage the new jw to share intimate knowledge of the marriage with them which in turn is exposed to the entire cong.Time spent? well you all know how that goes in dubland.

  • nicolaou

    A bit more . . .

    Friendship vs. Emotional Affair

    Signs Your Friendship Has Crossed Into Questionable Territory

    © Cherie Burbach

    May 15, 2007

    Friendships are great. Emotional affairs are trouble. Here are some guidelines to determine if you're having an inappropriate relationship.

    Feelings of attraction:


    • Feelings for your friend are completely platonic. That means you are not attracted to your friend and couldn't imagine having sex with them.

    Emotional affair:

    • You begin to have feelings of attraction for your friend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss or touch your friend.
    Sharing inappropriate details of your relationship:


    • Your friend is a source of support, but you make it a point not to discuss the intricacies of your relationship.

    Emotional affair:

    • When you begin to share intimate or hurtful details of your relationship with one particular friend of the opposite sex, you are in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. Every relationship has ups and downs, but by relaying personal information on your significant other you are also betraying his or her trust.
    Longing for your friend instead of your partner:


    • You look forward to seeing your friend at work or out socially, but ultimately look forward to going home to your partner.

    Emotional affair:

    • You spend more energy longing for your friend than you do your partner. When you're with your partner, you look forward to when you can get back to spending time with your friend.


    • Your relationship with your friend is out in the open. Your partner knows when you meet for dinner and have lunch, and you are honest when asked how you two spent your time.

    Emotional affair:

    • You tend to hide information on your friendship from your partner. You email or call each other in secret, and when asked how you two spent your time you have a tendency to lie.
    Your friendship upsets your partner:


    • Your partner is supportive of spending time with your friend.

    Emotional affair:

    • Something about your friendship bothers your partner, and when he or she asks you about it you get uncomfortable or defensive.
    Your friend takes up your thoughts:


    • You daydream and fantasize about your new relationship, not your friend.

    Emotional affair:

    • You dream and fantasize about your friend, not your new relationship.
    You believe you'll always be closer to your friend than your partner:


    • Your friend knows you only too well, but you look forward to the day when your significant other will come to know your heart and soul even better.

    Emotional affair:

    • You believe that no matter how great the new person in your life is, he or she will never be able to know you quite like your friend does.
    You have feelings of jealousy when your friend finds love:


    • When your friend goes on a date, you are happy for them and hope they find their match.

    Emotional affair:

    • You are jealous when your friend goes on a date. You find yourself hoping your friend will not find love and instead spend time with you.
  • nicolaou


  • frankiespeakin

    I had affairs that included emotions but never just an emotional affair without the desert. As far as the use of the term cheating being used to discribe an emotional affair, I beg to differ, and would never call it that, as if someone can legitimately claim possession of another's emotions or has a justified claim to emotional intimacy with someone that no one else can have, to me it is a faulty reasoning that causes great unnessassarry heart ache and pain, that can be alleviated to a great extent just by a change of view point.

  • VoidEater

    I don't buy it as it is presented.

    No one person will (or should) fill all of your needs. Pretending your partner is the only one you can be close with or share intimacies with is a harsh taskmaster that can breeg desperation and suffocation. There's a line between partnership and fusing.

    It is a healthy thing to have someone in your life that you can share certain aspects of your partnership with.

    What is the dividing point between "ok" and "not ok"? I would agree that lying to your partner is a sign of trouble, true. Absent of that, people should have many relationships of varying intimacy.

    Too much of the material here feels a little too WTS controlling.

  • wednesday

    This is actually very common among jws.The elders frequently have sisters they confide with and sometimes they end up in actual physical relationships with. Elders counsel sisters all the time who are in bad marriages, single, or their husband is an unbeliever or for whatever personal problems they have. It's so easy to move it over an acceptable line. This has been going on forever. and not just among jws, anywhere there are men in power, you will find women who follow or women who get used. It is called spiritual abuse in a religion.

    the elder or ms or whatever , actually ends up functioning as the husband emotionally. sometimes it becomes physical. sometimes no one ever finds out b/c once they have that title, elder, they are reluctant to let go of it. so much for Jehovah's spirit.

    Have you ever see "the thorn birds"? An excellent movie i believe about a Catholic priest who carried on a secret emotional/ physical affair for many years. Also the classic "the scarlet letter" is about such a relationship- one that became physical.

    it is one of the 'perks' of being a elder or co do etc.

    " money for nothing and the chicks are free..."

  • UnConfused

    No, but at some point I am looking for that. (So ladies if you are in your 40's, disproportionally hot, rich and funny....)

  • mentalclearness

    three is a crowd.....i believe your partner should be your best friend. if you find yoursle talking more about your life with a friend of the opposite sex, unless they are gay then I would say that´s a no no.

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