I goofed! Sonny has a gift at a friends house in the USA because I didn't want to pay the astronomical shipping fee to get it across the border. He will get it after Christmas, though. We don't actually teach the kids about Santa, we focus on the season as a time to celebrate the Saviour's birth, but I thought I could write a humorous letter for Sonny to read tomorrow morning.
Here's a copy to give you a smile. Merry Christmas to everyone! May you enjoy God's blessings and healing in your life, and may 2008 be a year of freedom from the chains of the Watchtower.
Dear S----------:
Here it is, December 25, 2007 and you are probably wondering why you have to read this letter instead of opening a gift. It is a bit of a long story, sweetie, but I feel that you ought to know the truth about what happened.
One day, last month, the elves were all in school learning their Elf-abet with the birds. You know the birds that can write, don’t you? They go to school with the elves. They are, of course, the PENguins. Well, anyways, the elves were in school and it was almost time for them to study grammar. Do you study grammar? I heard that you have learned some Latin and some Greek. The elves don’t study those languages, but they do study our national language, which is North Polish.
All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door, and the mailman delivered a letter from your mom, asking if we would please deliver a certain gift for you on Christmas morning. Of course, there was great excitement, because we love to get those kinds of letters. Immediately, there was a great scurrying of activity, and the elves sprang into action, making the gift. We just knew that you would be happy with it, and that it would bring many hours of fun and enjoyment to you and also to those that you share it with.
Well, last night, honey, I was on the way to deliver it to your house. It was pretty exciting for us because we have never visited your family before, since they don’t believe in Santa Claus. So, because it was such a special event, I left your house for last. However, after I started towards your house in W_______, I got the funniest feeling on my back. It started getting really itchy, and I had to keep scratching and scratching and scratching. Perhaps you have experienced the same thing? The tooth fairy told me that you had some bites on your back, too. I told her if she ate a well balanced supper, she wouldn’t get so hungry on her rounds.
Anyways, before I knew it, I was way off course, and had no idea where I was. I pulled to a stop on someone’s roof, and quickly took off my coat. It was as I thought. I was being attacked by little mites that hate Christmas. Did you study about them in science yet? They are the bah humbugs. I was so upset, especially since I had just gotten over a type of athlete’s foot that only the elves and I can get. It is called mistletoe.
At this point, it started to rain, and there is nothing worse than trying to deliver gifts in the rain, dear, especially for the reindeer. It makes their fur all soggy, plus they really start to stink like wet dog. Imagine 12 wet dogs in front of your nose all night long. It is not a nice thing at all. So, between that and the intense itching, I knew that I would never make it to your house at all. So I did the next best thing, and I shoved the gift down the nearest chimney (scratching like a flea-bitten mutt the whole time, I must say). I did put a note on it to tell the people to get it to you as soon as possible. Of course, I gave them some money from my snowbank to cover the costs. That is only fair, even though I hated to part with my money, since all my bucks are dear to me (especially Rudolph).
So, to make a long story even longer, you have a gift waiting for you somewhere, and it will arrive sometime in the not-to-distant future from someone. Please tell your mother that I am very sorry for the mix up, and I will understand if she never wants to use my services again.
The elves also want to say they are very sad, but hope that you will enjoy your present when it does arrive. Now, I have to get back to my scratching, but not before I wish you and your family a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HO, HO, HO,
Santa E. Claus
A Right Jolly Old Elf.