You know it's relatively easy to break the stated rules of JW’s: smoking, drinking, riding in cars with the opposite sex, saying God bless you, signing up to vote, singing the National Anthem, etc. It is freaky in the beginning but you get over it. However, I have found some extra baggage that I carry from being a JW that I never recognized. I realized that as a JW you are trained to please. If you’re going to have cult, it sure helps to have people that conform. But conforming to somebody else’s doctrine/belief system/definition of perfect for so long sure leaves some scars. I find it interesting because I just realized it and just realized the pattern I go through: I meet somebody new, a potential friend. Then subconsciously by paying close attention to their body language and conversation, determine what they want me to be. Than I try my hardest (until now, without really recognizing what I’m doing) to be that. Now how did I realize this was happening? I freak out at the moment. Either I cannot be what they want me to be, cannot figure out what they want me to be, don’t want to be what they want me to be, or.... It creates anxiety, jealousy, anger. I’m not really sure what to do about it yet, but I suppose now that I know why I care too much, it’s a start. Sometimes I liken leaving JW to the following illustration: I was in a glass box watching the world from inside; The glass box broke and sent shards flying in all directions. You slowly pick out the shards but you will be picking them out a long time. I guess this just one of those shards, but it took so long to work its way out. Mostly, I wanted to ask two things: did anybody else go through this weird phenomenon and what other unspoken rules have you had to deal with that weren’t at first apparent?
Hidden Social Conditions
by forgetmenot 7 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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nvrgnbk
1. Yes
2. I wouldn't possibly know where to begin.
Take care and good luck.
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SPAZnik
Interesting and well-written post, forgetmenot. :)
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Gregor
You must concentrate on learning to like and trust yourself. Let others take you as they find you. You will be surprised how much you will begin to enjoy other people. Don't get overly involved in self analysis it is a never ending path that leads nowhere.
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Hortensia
It's hard to get over that conditioning to please people. Also the conditioning that makes you feel you have to answer impertinent questions from others. Even now I'm always rehearsing explanation in my mind just in case someone asks me to account for myself.
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fresia
to unto others thats all anyone needs to do. to be polite and modest. thats it.
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darkuncle29
Nice way to bring it out in the open. I still do that alot too, I think that being just aware of it can help.
I read a book a few monthes ago, called "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It talkes about men being raised and educated by predominantly women who learn to manipulate and control by being "nice". Its an interesting read, not too long.
The same concepts in the book can help a person to understand the behavior of pleasing people, manipulating others to get them to like us or to get what we want/need.
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LongHairGal
Forgetmenot,
Trying to be somebody else's person instead of your own person is something that unfortunately was inflicted on JW women more than men. You can see that it is not healthy to be thinking 'what they want you to be'. Really, what if somebody is jealous and wants you to be gone?? What if you have a good figure and somebody wants you to gain 40 pounds? This is insanity.
I noticed that they expected a woman to act 'pleasing' to everybody - often at her own expense (even mentally). Because I work in the business world I could never be this way or else I would be annihilated. Conditions in the world make it so that you have to be on your toes and in a 'fighting' mode or a 'self defense' mode, if necessary. Unfortunately, this attitude runs counter to the bullshit that is taught or expected in kingdom halls. I wasn't the type to go 'cry in the bathroom' like certain women there and I think they resented me because I had self-esteem and a backbone and I spoke up for myself.
Because I was really conditioned to look out for number one and thankfully wasn't raised in this stupid religion, it has been easier to shake off the nonsense I heard there.
You will succeed but it will take time. You have to catch yourself every time you think one of their wrong thoughts and replace it with a healthier one.
LHG