Cyrano wrote in
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=14330&site=3
WATCH TOWER BIBLE & TRACT SOCIETY CLINICAL LABORATORY OF BROOKLYN
21 CLARK STREET BROOKLYN NY 11201
WATCH TOWER BIBLE & TRACT SOCIETY CLINICAL LABORATORY OF PATTERSON 100 WATCHTOWER DRIVE PATTERSON NY 12563-9204
WATCH TOWER BIBLE & TRACT SOCIETY CLINICAL LABORATORY OF WALKILL 900 RED MILLS ROAD WALKILL NY 12589
I had no idea they had laboratories.
Does anyone know what type of research they do?
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Yes, I have an inside source at Bethel who spilled the beans to me, and it is pretty damn shocking! I quote his email directly here:
Brother Mindchild,
Peace be with you,
I was nearly stumbled by your hinting that something of an shocking nature might be occurring in the Watchtower labs. We were simply told that this is where medical and dental work was done but I decided to check further and made some amazing discoveries.
You see, as in everything else, the GB is very concerned about sexual matters involving single young Witnesses. They know that beneath the façade of spirituality that these young brothers and sisters try to project, that human sexual nature does not alter. So, with much new light and great optimism, these Watchtower laboratories were created to deal with this ubiquitous problem of human self-abuse.
While this is only speculation, I have good reason to believe that it will soon be announced that a powerful new tool will be introduced into the hands of elders to keep the congregations clean and to reinforce scriptural principles and to strongly sublimate sexual nature of our young brothers and sisters.
With much needed prayer and research diligence, a new discovery was made about the human body, human pubic hair to be exact. You see the Bethel scientists discovered that trace elements are laid down in hair as it grows. Several such elements have a fairly normal concentration in bodily fluids. These elements are taken up by pubic hair follicles at a steady rate and incorporated into the hair-shaft as it extruded from the follicle. In periods of slow growth, such an element will be concentrated into a short length of a shaft; when the hair is growing strongly the same amount will be diluted and spread out over a greater length. In short, they found a sort of chemical tape-recording of the hair’s rate of growth.
Now why this is important is that pubic hair grows faster when the owner is sexually excited, and especially fast when the owner resorts to the sin of self-abuse, otherwise known in secular circles as masturbation. As masturbation is unscriptural and a disfellowshiping offense anything that can keep the congregation clean is of use to God’s Christian Organization, so the GB are soon planning on announcing a device for use by the body of elders in each congregation that will detect not only when someone masturbated but how many times and how enjoyable it was (presumably from the amount of sexual stimulation it produced.) These devices are technically a miniaturized electron microscope equipped with a sensitive X-ray fluorescence attachment, to detect and measure the characteristic X-rays emitted by trace elements under electron-impact. As nobody can even pronounce these devices correctly, it will simply be called the masturbation machine.
Each young person over the age of puberty but not yet married, will be required to simply submit a pubic hair of their own. If there is any doubt about the ownership of a particular hair, a pair of tweezers may be necessary to establish identity. Peaks in the output of the masturbation machine imply a scriptural offense and should be dealt with accordingly.
The findings of the pilot studies done on Bethelites however, suggest that the results obtained by using the masturbation machine, needed to be handled with some care. Elders may wish to at first use the findings for private insight and avoid outright confrontation but are advised to keep a special diary.
That is all I know for now brother Mindchild, please do not post this information on JehovahsWitnesses.com or H20 which are both apostate havens. More information will come when I can find the combination to the safe in the lab.
Your brother,
Icutmypeckeroff
LOL! Skipper