On the 11th of this month it'll be a year that i have been disfellowshipped.
i didn't dread being disfellowshipped mostly because i had underestimated the resolve of individual witness friends of mine to shun me. I aslo had no idea what being all alone from one day to the next felt like.
a few days ago i had a weird dream.
I love books and i'm always in some barnes and noble or borders store. So in my dream i go to pick up a book i had ordered. I get to the pick-up counter, the guy looks for my order on the computer and then tells me "i'm sorry but it's been brought to my attention that you're disfellowshipped....". I don't let him finish his sentence because the room is spinning around me and i'm ready to burst into tears. He tells me to not make a scene and to sit at a table nearby where he comes to talk to me in a hushed voice. He basically tells me that i can't come to the store anymore or order books from them because i was disfellowshipped. Then comes the realization that i had tried to hide it from the world. Being disfellowshipped was no longer only among witnesses but i was going to be shunned by the whole world little by little.
i woke up very sad and have been feeling this way ever since that dream.
When trying to explain how i felt right after being disfellowshipped to a 'worldly acquaintance' i said:
imagine your country is the only part of the world that is inhabited and the rest is an endless desert. I feel like i've been outcast into the desert and can't go back in"
i think those old feelings revisited me during this dream.
How did some of you live being disfellowshipped? those first few weeks when your whole life changes completely.
nearing the anniversary
by 4digitcode 6 Replies latest jw friends
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4digitcode
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4digitcode
ooooh looky i'm a junior member!!! lol
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free2think
What a horrible dream, wow. I havent been df'd, yet, but i can imagine how much it hurts.
4digitcode
Oops forgot to say Congratulations on becoming a junior member
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NewYork44M
Happy anniversary!
You should do something to celebrate. Remember that this is the best thing that could ever happen. You are 22 yo. You have the best an the very best years of your life ahead without the crappy organization over your head.
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
Wow. That was potent. I'm not DF'd, I've been what they'd call an Apostate for about 2 years, and officially DA'd last month. My large family with whom I was close is completely horrible and counts me among the dead, and I them.
I dream about them at times, we're all together laughing, eating, drinking, singing karaoke, like we'd do at family get togethers. Then out of the blue one of my sisters comes up to me and says You shouldn't be here, you don't belong here, etc. . .I've awakened sobbing a few times right at that point.
My point is that like you describe, it just slays me for days, it's so real and painful. Give yourself slack, you deserve it. It is a loss, family and friends. Remember that you're not alone and the mourning you endure is real and must be felt.
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
Oh and let's have cake!!! Congratulations!!! Happy rebirthday!!!
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Quentin
I was never df...walked away in 1974, never looked back...took several years to come out from under the "spell" of being raised a jw...I've never had to live with being df can't relate...
I will tell you I feel a great sadness for those who live with this df, shunning bullshit...You as an individual have come to the best place to get that bullshit washed off and the stench of it cleared from you nostrils...here you can dialouge with many folks that have, and do live with it...
Your friends outside the wt don't get it( outstanding analogy you gave by the way ), friends and family inside the wt don't get it...people here do...
Hope you stay with JWD...read and write...associate with those who truly know your pain...it will help diminish that pain...
Wishing you the very best...now where's that cake?