Moving out deja-vu ... just reminiscing

by Frequent_Fader_Miles 3 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Frequent_Fader_Miles

  This weekend one of my colleagues at work moved into her new apartment. I'm very happy for her. Helping her out made me reminisce on my own quest to move out of my parents house, and how elated I was when it finally happened.

  My parents had no clue as to how much I was dying to leave. I should've left before, but didn't reach my breaking point until my mid twenties. I detested having my every move monitored and scrutinized. Oh how I loathed being grilled about my whereabouts whenever I wanted to go somewhere. The questioning sickened me ... who're you going with, what time are you leaving, what time will you be back, how are you getting there, how are you coming back ... it truly made me angry. I hated not having a life, and not being able to enjoy simple, everyday, youthful fancies. Working secularly enabled me to escape somewhat, but when I wanted a day off from work, just the thought of being questioned about it made me change my mind.

  My mom often searched through my things, and read my letters whenever she could get her hands on one. Any scrap of paper that caught her eye would be smoothed out and read too ... boggled my mind what she was hoping to find. One time, she even admitted to searching my room while I was on a short vacation abroad, on the pretense that she couldn't remember the name of the hotel I was staying in!

  Once I needed to vent really badly, so I wrote a letter to a classmate. Little did I know at the time, the appropriateness of her response. She told me that I needed space, yes space ... space to thrive. Only when I moved out on my own, did I realize exactly what she meant.

  Thriving was such therapy for me. It was absolutely divine being able to do what I wanted, whenever I wanted. No one to question my every move. It was great being able to go clubbing every Friday night, and to the movies every weekend. A day off for rest and reflection was spent doing just that ... no game of 20 questions.

  Moving out was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life ... I wish I had done it sooner.
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  ex-nj-jw

  I know exactly what you mean! My mom constantly searched my things, nothing was personal nothing was private!

  I was lucky in that I left home when I was 18. I couldn't take it any longer. I was a mother with a 2 day old newborn son and I packed up and left home!

  I can't understand how JW's stay at home with mommy and daddy treating them like they are 12 when they are 20+ and should surely be on their own!

  I told my 19 year old son, who just started his sophmore year of college that if he wasn't in school full time and living on campus that he would have to get his own place. He laughed and said "mom, you'd put me out"? I said Hell Yeah, and you'd thank me for it later!

  I think that anyone that is out of high school and is working full time needs to be independant and self sufficient. Not that as a parent I wouldn't be there to help my child. That is not even the issue. The issue is that a parent will always be a parent. And when you have an adult child living at home it's hard not to try to parent them.

  When you try to "parent" an adult it creates problems! Get out, be a man or woman! This is when parents become their children's friends! From birth to age 20 (or until you are on your own) I am NOT your friend, I'm your parent!

  Does that make sense?

  nj (of the I don't want no grown A$$ man or woman living at home with me class)
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  Bobbi

  I'll have to remember this for when my boys get older. I stayed at home for too long as well. My mother also made it impossible for me to leave by charging me so much to live at home I couldn't save any money.
  
  I used to get so mad about spending what it would have cost to live on my own with all the freedom and space, to live at home under her thumb.
  
  I hope my kids get a better deal out of life.
  
  Bobbi
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  ex-nj-jw

  Hey bobbie,

  Not to hijack the thread or anything. But when my boys started working (usually age 15 or 16) I'd charge them 25.00 per pay check. This money has been put in a savings account and I will return it when they move out on their own.

  My 19 year old has $5,000.00 in the bank that he knows nothing about! College doesn't count because I'm paying his room and board and my job is helping with tuition. I think he'll really appreciate it when he get's his first apartment! Just a little tip that you may find helpfull when trying to teach the little ones about responsibility. The whole point in my opinion to charging them rent is to teach responsibility. We'd have to pay the same bills whether they lived there and was working or not.

  My parents also charged me rent. I had to pay 100.00 per month and usually the water bill! How the hell was I supposed to save any money?

  nj