Searching For JWs/Dr. Laura's Advice (cheating with two topics :P)

by bbdodger 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • bbdodger

    Often, I find myself doing Google searches for people who I went to KH with years and years ago. I try to find clues of what they're up to, search out the ones who were "weak in their faith", and try to see if they are still hanging on, or have "fallen away from the truth". I look for people my own age to find out what they're doing. I even look through the phone book find out where people are living nowadays.

    In my line of work, I come across a certain woman who is the same age as me. We both grew up as JWs. I try to wear sunglasses when I have to come in contact with her, and if I'm not wearing sunglasses, I don't make direct eye contact, and I make our meetings very brief. I recognize her, so it's entirely possible that she would recognize me too.

    I searched out myspace for profiles of JWs, and was surprised that myspace hadn't been banned. Maybe it's "frowned upon", but definitely not banned. None of the people (ages 16-35) that proclaimed their religion as JW seemed like the people that the WTS uses to illustrate young JWs. A lot of them liked good music (as most of the young JWs did when I was there), were into outside activities, were articulate, talented, stylish, relaxed, seemed free and open-minded, however each one included a paragraph explaining the wonderful and fulfilling life they lead, under the WTS. It might all be a tactic to Witness, without having to actually do anything.

    In the past 20 years, I hardly ever see anyone from the congregation. If I do, I just try to keep my head down, and not look at any of them. I do NOT want a run-in that would reveal where I am in my life right now. I don't want to deal with family members who don't know my married name, that I still live here, how I look, and who I have become.

    I listen to Dr. Laura on the radio, I'm will not to respond to comments regarding whether this is or isn't a good idea.

    (I'm paraphrasing, but you'll get the idea)

    One day, a woman in her early 20s called in and asked Dr. Laura if she should break ties, and stop speaking to her family. Dr. Laura asked her why she would consider doing that, what had her family done to make her want to break ties with them?
    Her response "Well, I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses now, and I don't celebrate birthdays or holidays, and they are upset because the holidays were always very important to them, and as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I refuse to come to these events. I'm wondering if I should quit talking to them all together".
    Dr. Laura was SHOCKED to say the least. She said "I know nothing about Jehovah's Witnesses not being able to speak to their families because they celebrate holidays. I celebrate birthdays, and you're talking to me... so you might as well hang up". The called said "uh huh". Dr. Laura told her that what she was doing was wrong, that she was the one who decided to convert to JW, and she was disrespecting her family's beliefs by turning away from them. She said that it wasn't fair for her to think that her way of thinking was more valid or important than their, and that it was insulting to her family that she would even think of cutting ties with them because of something that she was choosing to do (not her family). Wow. Then Dr. Laura said something I found very poignant, before ending the call. She said something like "for one to not know the love of family, is like not truly knowing the love of God". I wrote it down, it's around here somewhere. I wish I had the exact quote, but you get the gist of it.

    ( I went upstairs to look for it, but couldn't find it ).

    Gotta love Dr. Laura.

  • ex-nj-jw

    Hey bbdogger,

    Welcome to JWD. I've been doing a little catchup, I've been busy wading through the Barbara Anderson CD on pedophilia in the JW's and have been a bit distracted by that.

    I just finished reading you other post, your story and just wanted to say Hi **waves**. I also find myself sometimes looking for a couple of people I grew up with. I didn't have a lot of friends in the BORG, but I did have 2 or 3 and after I left mentally around age 15, then physically at age 18 we lost touch. I really don't know why I look for these people, they were never my "friends" we were just thrown together by a mutual religion and most definately if they are still in they won't be the least bit interested in me.

    You can read my story if you like, just put your cursor over my alias and click on posts.

    I enjoy your writing and I'm glad you are here!


  • bbdodger

    thanks... I'm at home, knowing that I can relate to you in a way that I can't relate to anyone else. I'm so happy to have found this forum! I appreciate all the warm welcomes!!!

  • ex-nj-jw

    I know what you mean. I've been out of the cult for 20+ years and I just found JWD 3/07. The last time I stepped foot in a KH was in December 1982! I had no idea that so many people had gone through the same things as I and much more. It's nice to know that you are not alone!


  • megsmomma

    I always wonder about old friends too. One thing I recently thought of though is that most who used to know me know I DA"d if they leave, maybe they will find me.

    I wonder what Dr L would think of families disowning us due to leaving their religion...Would that be the same as " was our choice to leave and get disowned"? I have wanted to call her and ask what she thought of that because it is the situation I deal with in my life. However....sometimes I think she doesn't really listen to what people say...and she scares me!LOL!

  • Mum

    Welcome, bbd. I, too, try to check up on some of the people I really liked when I was a dub, although I live far away from there now.

    As for Dr. Laura, I'm a great fan. I agree that she is not always likeable; nevertheless, she has solid values, and, best of all, she puts children's interests first. She knows more about JW's than you might think, as the subject of family relationships with JW's has come up before on her program. She was quite right (as usual) about the advice she gave the young JW you mention in your post. Dr. Laura is hard on women who are not like her, who are softer and lacking in the kind of support she had from her family. That is the one blind spot I have found her to have.



  • 4digitcode

    i searched for friends all the time. and still do. found a few through myspace,facebook-type websites and found someone through this site. it's nice to have contact with this person from my past who turns out to be an awesome person and also to find high school friends that i finally see as regular peeople not people to be avoided. thank goodness high school was 5 years ago and they don't remember how creepy and antisocial i was...:°)

  • ldrnomo

    After fading out of the borg we have realized how tolerent our family was of us and our beliefs when we were active in the borg. They, "those worldly people" were much more tolerent then we as Jdubs were of them. We are so glad now that we put effort into keeping a relationship with our family while we were active in the borg.


    I too have contacted JW's I have known in the past, hoping to hear they were no longer JW's. But, sadly the few I have contacted were still JW's. And why not, I always tried to hang around the strong ones. I guess like most of you, I too am hoping to hear about others being free'd from this cult.

    Another good website that provides names, addresses and phone numbers plus a link within to a subsequent website even more informative:

    Good luck in all your searchings. Maybe one day we will find the lost sheep who were actually the smart ones who found their way out of the pack of wolves.


  • SirNose586

    For the second topic...normally I avoid Dr. Laura like the plague, but she's got some good advice here. You shun your family because they do a harmless activity that you don't ascribe to; who's being the jerk? How is that right?

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