Trying to help a friend

by rainbowbridge 5 Replies latest jw experiences

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  rainbowbridge

  Ive been reading here for several hours and I dont even know where to start.
  I have a friend almost 18 years old who is a JW. She has been since age 3. I'm not sure what to think about what i'm reading here at these forums and other sites.
  I don't know what to think of the relationship we have. I am not a JW. I believe there is a god and there is heaven and hell. Ive never really thought much of it but I believe i'm a good christian. Well i'm pretty sure I am.

  In the time that ive known her she once told me should would send me some literature (she did). Nothing has been discussed about The JW's since that time till today. I had a friend die suddenly last thursday.
  My young friend wanted to comfort me by talking with me again. I told her no. This doesn't seem to bother her at all that i don't believe the way she does. She said it will never affect our friendship. I told her I will never become a JW. I asked her if she wanted me to become one and she said yes, but that is my choice. It will still not affect our friendship she said.
  From what I read she should not be a friend to me at all. I told her i wanted to go to other sites and read about the JW's. She told me they only have one site watchtower.org, all other sites will only confuse me. It seems to me that she is the one thats confused. She also seems to be.... ah how do i say it, Brainwashed I guess.
  Everytime I ask her a question about the JW's it is like she is reading from a list of pre-written answers.

  This girl is also a silent lamb, but she has told me about her sexual abuse. Why would she tell me this ?
  She has also broken just about every rule the JW's hold true and said if anyone ever finds out she will be in big trouble.

  I don't know what to think, but I certainly don't want to loose her as a friend. She is more than a friend she is like a little sister to me.
  Is she trying to get help from me ? Does she want out ? I don't know what to think. She says i'm the only one she can talk to about this stuff.
  Any suggestions on what I should do would be really helpfull.
  You can post or email me. Thank you very much
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  datsdethspicable

  I am sorry. I hope you are sincere. But your story sounds fishy to me.
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  rainbowbridge

  Yes my story and plea for help was sincere.
  I am only trying to help her and I won't stop.

  I get the feeling people here are intimidated by the JW's. You may have good reason to be, but I don't.
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  pettygrudger

  I would first print off some information from silentlambs.com and the next time you see her, perhaps show highlighted areas that may be of interest to her. Something is bound to pull on a heart string. The owner of that site is not a DF'd JW, so perhaps this will give her peace of mind in looking into helping herself.

  But as far as her beliefs - slow and steady. It doesn't really help to BAAM um w/truth, they aren't equipped to handle it. If she has doubts, do research on her doubts to figure out why I guess, in order to help her. She's the only one that can make this decision. Her friendship with you is not "illegal", as long as its pure & she doesn't get the hint that you are "pulling" her away from "the truth".

  You are probably the only one she can speak w/regarding the abuse. The JW's have a longstanding history of sweeping their dirty little secrets under the carpet, and very few victims get the psychological help they need.

  I would suggest you read a few books on "cult" syndromes, to get an idea of what you are up against. These may also have good advice in dealing with ones like your friend.

  Good luck to you & let us know how it turns out.
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  rainbowbridge

  Thank you for the response.
  Ive been reading almost the entire night, I think i need some sleep.
  I see now that i'm going to need to take this real slow. I have dozens of questions I want to ask her. She told me to ask all the questions I want. She told me she will go to her mother if she can't answer them herself. Thats who i'm worried about is her mother. If she knows i'm asking any questions like the ones I want to ask I will loose my friend for sure.
  
  I may need to ask more question here if you don't mind. I also found some other forums like this one, but I haven't really had time to check them out.

  I think i'm up against a more powefull enemy than I first thought. Maybe I shouldn't call them (JW's) the enemy yet, I don't know enough about them. I do know I don't like the way they control people.

  I know some of you here might be supicious of me. From some of the stuff ive been reading you should be leary of newcomers to this site. Whatever I can do to prove I am real, tell me please. I only want to help her.
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  pettygrudger

  Rainbow - I'm sure all us "newbies" are "suspicious, but you can't blame the regulars here, they've had some pretty difficult experiences, and some have yet to leave "the borg". Post your questions on the general forum however. You might have others that are "suspicious", but you'll also find ones that want to help.